Today a teaser trailer for something called Shadow of the Eternals popped up online. It’s being billed as a “spiritual successor” to highly regarded Gamecube horror game Eternal Darkness. A crowdfunding campaign will begin next Monday.

Like most Nintendo fans I owned and enjoyed Eternal Darkness and have been hoping for a sequel for years, so obviously I’m overjoyed at this news! Right? Well, not exactly. Hit the jump for the Shadow of the Eternals trailer, and my reasons for hoping the game never gets made…

via Kotaku

video and screenshots via IGN

Excited? Well, you might want to wait before opening your wallet. Hit the second page for a few reasons why this shouldn’t happen.

This game came out over a decade ago. In other news, I’m feeling very old right now.

“The Creators of Eternal Darkness” Haven’t Made A Good Game Since Eternal Darkness

Claiming your new game is going to be “from the creators of Eternal Darkness” isn’t much of a selling point in 2013. Since making Eternal Darkness, developer Silicon Knights’ output has ranged from mediocre (Too Human) to outright terrible (X-Men: Destiny).

Since creating Eternal Darkness the creators of Eternal Darkness have spent most of their time embroiled in frivolous lawsuits, or in the case of Silicon Knights founder Denis Dyack, giving egotistical, broken promise filled interviews.

Of course Shadow of the Eternals isn’t actually being made by Silicon Knights — it’s being made by Precursor Games! Totally different company! Well, except Denis Dyack is still heavily involved and word is the company is just Silicon Knights under a different name. In other words, take whatever the Shadow of the Eternals Kickstarter page says with a grain of salt.

Nintendo Isn’t Involved

Silicon Knights generally gets all the credit for Eternal Darkness being a good game, but Nintendo itself was deeply involved in the game’s development. It was Nintendo that took an ambitious, yet undeveloped idea and turned it into something playable. There’s a reason every Silicon Knights game since they parted ways with Nintendo has been disappointing or delayed indefinitely.

Speaking of Nintendo, the makers of Shadow of the Eternals better hope Nintendo doesn’t sue them for having a character that looks exactly like the protagonist of Eternal Darkness.

There’s No Way To Crowdfund Enough Money To Do An Eternal Darkness Sequel Right

Eternal Darkness was no small-scale production — by 2002 standards it was as lavish as it got. Eternal Darkness is a triple-A franchise, and these days triple-A games cost at least 10 million dollars to make. Even if the Shadow of the Eternals crowdfunding campaign is a wild success, it probably still won’t raise half the money needed to make the Eternal Darkness successor fans expect.

Eternal Darkness Hasn’t Aged That Well

Listen, I liked Eternal Darkness when I played over a decade ago, but trust me, it hasn’t aged terribly well. The game’s controls are rough, it’s often more frustrating than scary and man, that final level is a slog. Of course they could update everything, but then would it really feel like Eternal Darkness anymore? I dunno, at this point I think it might just be best to leave the memories alone.

So yeah, as much as I’d like to be excited about an Eternal Darkness quasi-sequel, I just can’t. Not in this form. How about you folks? Feeling less pessimistic than me? Even more? Hit the comments and let the world know.