[Spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War below]
Let’s talk about the real villain in Avengers: Infinity War. No, it’s not Thanos, although his plan to wipe out half the universe with a snap of a finger isn’t, y’know, good, but at least he’s being honest with himself. Dude knows what he wants, and he’s going to stop at nothing, including killing his “daughter” Gamora, to get it. The character that’s monopolized my anger is Star-Lord.
Freaking Star-Lord, man.
The Guardian of the Galaxy deserves to be stripped of his title for what happened on Titan, where he teams up with Doctor Strange, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Mantis, Drax, and Nebula to stop Thanos. They have a good plan, too! Mantis uses her powers to incapacitate the big purple thumb, while Iron Man and Spider-Man attempt to remove the Infinity Gauntlet (which, as the name suggests, is adorned with Infinity Stones) from his paw. They almost have the glove! The good guys win! First round of margaritas on Rabbit! But then an enraged Star-Lord finds out what happened to Gamora, and he goes all Hulk Smash on Thanos who regains control of his mind and body and… well, oops.
To paraphrase another Disney property, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to Black Panther, Spider-Man, Doctor Strange, Winter Soldier, Falcon, Scarlet Witch, Groot, Drax, Mantis, Nick Fury, and Maria Hill turning into snowflakes because Star-Lord can’t wait another 30 minutes to punch Thanos in the mug. Of Doctor Strange’s 14,000,605 possibilities, this future was the most enraging (even if turns out to be the “right” one eventually). It’s not poor Chris Pratt’s fault that Star-Lord acted like a dope (not a fun dope like Andy Dwyer, either), but he’s the one who’s dealing with the repercussions.
Take a look at the comments on his most recent Instagram post.
Because of you, Thanos still alive & kill all of your friends including you too!. I hate you.
Why did you have to hit Thano’s!??? They almost had the Infinity Gauntlet and you just had to swing on em! Now everyone turned into ash
It’s your fault spider man died!!! Control your emotions next time Peter queer!!!!
You literally couldn’t wait 1 freaking minute to fight Thanos. The gauntlet was on his fingertips.. AND YHEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO ASK “did we lose??” What a disappointment…
Trying to distract everyone from the fact that star lord is the reason half the universe got wiped out, THE GAUNLET WAS OFF YOU DIDNT HAVE TO PUNCH HIM, all for the green bird who was already dead priorities right ?!?!
Twitter isn’t being much kinder.
https://twitter.com/AnotherNerd4/status/990043976999817221
Starlord-“I just want to apolog….”
The Avengers-“#infinitywar https://t.co/VzCi2W3zaJ
— Bucket Hat Sniffles (@Marcus_Sniffles) April 30, 2018
https://twitter.com/ComicBooksTalk/status/990951778597441536
https://twitter.com/Ryankingry/status/990983109377081344
Star Lord was so useless in Infinity War. From Gamora to actual combat, he was pure TRASH. pic.twitter.com/3oaEIznzsx
— Ronald Isley (@yoyotrav) April 28, 2018
Starlord can stay dead Btw…
— Wayne Betzky (@TaPeR_GanG_) April 29, 2018
Thanos had the right idea, except instead of half, make it everyone.