Snorting Chocolate Is Now A Thing People Do

Humans like to snort sh*t up their noses: cocaine, heroin, tobacco, prescription medications, molly, and vodka. Yes, people snort vodka. We like insufflation. A lot.

But, wait, there’s a new line on the mirror across Europe. Chocolate.

Yes, Johnny Deep playing Hunter S. Thompson, you can get high from snorting chocolate. Bars and clubs across Europe are stocking their shelves with raw cocoa in pill, powder and drink (hot chocolate?) form for revelers to partake. A club in Berlin has completely stopped stocking alcohol because of cocoa’s popularity.

The scientists at London’s Kingston University concluded that cocoa does have interesting effects when they tested it on amateur cyclists. Snorting cocoa does release endorphins into the body, which makes you feel high. Raw cocoa also contains epicatechin which widens your blood vessels, allowing your blood to send oxygen around your body at a much faster rate. Lastly, cocoa has really high levels of magnesium, which is a muscle relaxant. So the science does check out that you will get a buzz from snorting cocoa.

I have so many questions. If I cut it with baby milk powder, can I call it Quik? Will we ever look at the Swiss Miss the same way again? Will there be mob wars between the Colombian cocoa cartels and the Peruvian cocoa cartels? When I cut it with actual cocaine, can I call it Belgian Marching Powder? Will Oprah be releasing her own line of brown yayo to get the green mayo? Can I call the people who take too much brown-nosers?

There’s a man at the forefront of the snorting cho-yo trend (that’s what I’m calling it forever), Dominic Persoone. Persoone cuts his cho-yo with mint and ginger to give the snorter that nice nose tingle. He has also invented a device taking some cho-yo to the face two nostrils at a time. Supposedly, he invented the contraption for a Rolling Stones party because of course he did.

The Lucid parties in Berlin inhale 18 pounds of cocoa per night. Well, one thing I know for sure, Big Chocolate is laughing all the way to the bank. Now that the public has figured out they can snort cocoa and get a high, I imagine the faces of Big Chocolate execs look a bit like this:

(Via First We Feast)