Vegan ‘Cheese’ Is Now ‘Gary’ Thanks To This Viral Rant

is one of the simplest food stuffs on the market. It’s a blend of fresh milk, salt and rennet. The forming, aging, and storage of that concoction yields everything from a soft camembert to a hard parmesan to a sharp cheddar. However if you need to avoid milk for medical reasons or political ones, soy and various plant-based substitutes are there to fill in the gap because we’re human after all and cheese is f*cking amazing. All good, right?

Maybe. In the fake food era, if something isn’t made specifically with certain ingredients, can we still call it by it’s original name? This week, one woman took to Facebook to rant about vegan cheese and whether it deserved to even be called cheese. Seriously, she went off:

CHEESE IS NOT MADE WITH COCONUTS. Call it Gary or something, don’t call it cheese because it’s not cheese!!!!!!

Go enjoy your cheeseless life. Don’t try to make up a substitute cheese and call it cheese because it’s not and you’ve decided your way of life… don’t come to my cheese and wine parties if you’re going to eat COCONUT CHEESE.

Damn! That’s like the Hit ’em Up of cheese rants. And here’s where she goes after the grocer as a staff, cheese label, and as a motherf*cking crew:

Around four thousand years ago people have started to breed animals and process their milk. That’s when cheese was born. So Sainsbury’s can F off.

Here’s the kicker, people kind of liked the new name for cured coconut or adulterated tofu masquerading as cheese. Suddenly, Gary was a thing. It’s valid too. With mislabeling and misleading practices rampant at grocery stores, calling something by a name it’s clearly not is kind of a bad practice.

Bravo to Sainsbury for being social media savvy enough to get the joke.

The rant had an surprising response from vegans too. Within hours new Facebook pages and hashtags were formed and flooded with memes exalting plant-based cheese substitutes as Gary. Just plain ol’ Gary. It seems Gary just might be the new food trend vegans were looking for.


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