Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: New NXT Champion Bobby Roode gloated, SAnitY won two big matches, and Peyton Royce and Billie Kay exited a room by holding hands, laughing and hopping away in the same direction.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for February 15, 2017.
Best: Here Comes The Akam! And Here Comes The Rezar! Authors Of Pain! Walking Disaster!
This week’s NXT is a very by-the-numbers affair, featuring everything you’ve come to love from the new era of NXT: quality squashes, a women’s angle nobody seems ready for that kinda goes around in circles, a whole lot of video packages and a high quality, beautifully wrestled match between two relative strangers who just showed up. “NXT by the numbers” is still pretty good, and beats the hell out of any other by-the-numbers WWE thing.
Up first is the Authors of Pain squashing Lance Anoa’i and Garrison Spears. Spears is the guy in the adorably homemade Snickers tights that say “stud” across the ass and are almost the same color as his skin, Aron Rex-style, making him kinda look like he’s wrestling nude. Anoa’i is literally the third Uso. It’s a great squash, if you prefer your Authors of Pain beatdowns to not actually put the lives of their opponents in danger. Probably shouldn’t trust these dudes with corner death valley drivers, though, just saying.
Later in the show, Hashtag Do It Two Guys show up to cut a fired-up white-meat babyface promo about how they’re NEVER GIVING UP, kiss a little crowd butt and say they want a rematch against the Authors of Pain. The Authors show up, and Paul Ellering’s like, “you can have your rematch in two weeks, make peace with your loved ones.” Ciampa and Gargano no-sell this line, which I guess causes me so much rage as an at-home viewer that it summons The Revival to jump them from behind, Shatter Machine them and bail. Also worth noting: Tommaso Ciampa’s beard is starting to defy basic beard logistics and is practically growing up into his eyes. Pretty soon he may be the first wrestler to be able to comb his beard up over his skull into a convincing hairstyle.
Anyway, the NXT tag team division is pretty snug right now — with TM-61 hurt, they’ve got the same 3 teams and nothing else problem Raw has — but DIY are on-point babyfaces, the Authors of Pain are as menacing as heels can get these days, and The Revival are brilliant as talented, manipulative scumbags who fall somewhere in-between.
Best/Worst: Liv Morgan, The Saga Continues
Who the hell thought Liv Morgan should be taking the hot tag from Ember Moon? Ember’s in there working Peyton Royce and Billie Kay through complicated sequences they can’t quite seem to remember the steps of quickly enough, and then Liv tags in a HOUSE AFIRE with day one wrestling school gentle clotheslines, a dropkick to the navel and whatever taunts Carmella left in her locker when she turned heel.
What I do like about the match is that Billie and Peyton win, which they should, because they are actual friends and an actual team that hangs out with each other and should function well as a unit. Plus, it’s nice to give Peyton and Billie these weekly show wins, because they’re a lot of fun as middle-card heels, and you’ve gotta let those types win SOMETHING every now and then or they stop being effective.
What’s confusing, though, is that when Peyton and Billie win, William Regal puts the losing team and only one of the winners (Peyton) in a triple threat to name a new number one contender. What sense does that make?
Kassius Ohno Returns
What, were Audrey Marie and Richie Steamboat busy?
Best: Mustache Mountain Explodes
Lastly this week we have the kinda sorta debut of the WWE United Kingdom Championship as NXT’s Intercontinental Championship, with champ Tyler Bate taking on his pal and Mustache Mountain tag team partner Trent Seven. Before I say anything, I have to point out how much this match looks like the art from the Champion Pub pinball game:
Secondly, I’d like to just publicly say how jealous I am of Trent Seven’s hair. He’s got America’s Next Top Model lady hair, where they can cut it off and just whoosh it backwards and it looks like a fucking lion with a pompadour. We adult men with baby hair can never pull that off. I wanted my hair cut like Sting’s when I was a little kid and the barber was like, “your hair’s not thick enough, I can cut it like a mushroom, would that be okay?”
Anyway, if you watched the UK Tournament, you know what to expect. Bate and Seven are both very good at what they do, and while they are clearly tag team partners and about a beard and a half a foot from being the same dude, they know each other well, and that makes for a good contest. I’m not sure the result was ever in doubt, but it’s nice to have a secondary championship defended on these shows, and Bate’s child surprise faces for firing up, getting pins and NOT getting pins have a way of tricking you into thinking he might lose.
Very fun stuff, although I hope that if the UK bros are going to be a fixture on NXT programming going forward that they (1) integrate some of the pre-existing UK types on the roster into contention, so it’s not just another segregated little cruiserweight division, and that (2) they work on giving them actual stories and personalities to go with their wrestling talent. “I’m from the UK and I try very hard” is the point of every UK tournament bio video, but I’m … gonna need more than that. The dot com exclusive with William Regal shitting in Pete Dunne’s cereal makes me hopeful that that’s not a ridiculous request.
Next week: Three minutes of Dan Moloney vs. H.C. Dyer*, and the NXT return of Jake Carter**!
*None of that is true.
**nope
