The Best And Worst Of WWE NXT 6/7/17: Slap City

Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Pete Dunne wrestled Jason Statham, Tommaso Ciampa “you people”d the Full Sail Arena, and we got another new theme song that is slightly less terrible than the previous one.

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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for June 7, 2017.

Best: Godspeed, Killdozer

As a Cleveland Cavaliers fan, last night was pretty rough for me. I purposely put off watching NXT until this morning in hopes that something, anything, would be able to help cheer me up after watching the goddamn Golden State Warriors steal one on our home court with less than a minute to go. Thankfully, my prayers were answered by this week’s NXT opening with Heavy Machinery, aka my future best friends whether they realize it or not.

While the team’s act is still pretty identical to the last time we saw them in Full Sail, Percy Watson did casually mention that Otis Dozovic doesn’t know how to swim, which is a pretty random fact to share about someone that also makes him seem weirdly human (for someone who can lift 700 pounds).

Heavy Machinery squares off against the team of Victor Andrews and Lars Sullivan, the latter formerly known as Dylan Miley, and who has a penchant for murder-death-killing his tag team partners when matches don’t go his way. The commentary team continues to put Sullivan over as a monster, and he’s sort of a mixture between Lenny from Of Mice & Men and Festus, but with sideburns. He and Andrews lose, as expected, and he slaughters Andrews, as expected.

It’s weird to have Heavy Machinery play second fiddle in their own spotlight match, but Sullivan looks impressive, and it’ll be fun to see who eventually stacks up as his tag partner (and if this is a long-term set up for the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic).

Best: Lottery Picks

Just when you think Roddy Strong couldn’t be more devoid of personality, he comes to the ring in street clothes, wearing a palette of gray and black. Simply eye-popping! He acknowledges the expertly put together video packages about his family struggles, and plays the Damned Numbers Game, saying it’s no longer Roddy versus the world but Roddy, Marina and Troy versus the world. (I now want an intergender six-person tag between the Strongs and Broken Matt Hardy, Reby Sky and King Maxel, like, yesterday.) He then says he’s here for one thing and one thing only: The NXT Championship, You and everybody else, buddy.

Sh*t gets good, though, when Bobby Roode’s music hits. I first thought it was just going to be a video package, because the past few weeks of NXT TV have done an immaculate job of convincing me and probably most other viewers that Roode was taking some time off. But nope: Roode comes out, dabbing his eyes at Roddy’s sob story and telling him to stay in his lane, and that maybe he’ll take a selfie with him later. Burn.

Roode’s lottery metaphor was great, too, though I wish he would’ve pushed it a little bit farther and referred to it as a stupidity tax, just like the real lottery. That would’ve gotten some real heat in Florida, a state undoubtedly full of people who spend more of their paychecks on scratch-offs than on paying utility bills. But Roode’s “Best of luck, kid!” sign-off was gold, and Roddy being left speechless was even better.

Best: Country Strong

After making random appearances in WWE throughout the years (first as an extra in Damien Mizdow’s Viagra parody commercials, then as a Rosebud, then as an NXT women’s division jobber), tonight finally saw the official singles debut of Sarah Logan, formerly known on the indie circuit as Crazy Mary Dobson. But unlike her indie gimmick (which featured facepaint, Jason-esque hockey masks and, uh, a willingness to compete in front of Juggalos), Logan’s NXT gimmick is “FarmersOnly.com girl.” Take Nigel McGuinness’ opening commentary, where he claims she was “born in the woods, raised in the mud” and at one point “used to wrestle a goat.”

I’m gonna give NXT six months to find the video footage of this and use it in a “Who Is Sarah Logan?” video package, or else. Still, the character worked, with the exception of the stock metal song she got as a theme. I’m not saying to revive the Godwins theme or something, but the music is so far removed from the rest of her character that it was distracting.

Logan has a competitive match with the returning Peyton Royce, who got as much as she gave before finishing Logan off with a series of head kicks into a fisherman’s (fisherwoman’s?) suplex for the finish. I liked that even though Billie Kay was present at ringside, there were no shenanigans, and that Royce got a clean win. It makes the inevitable interference in the upcoming Ember Moon match even more anticipated.

Best: What Did The Five Fingers Say To The Face?

Crazy Mary Dobson wasn’t the only woman to officially debut on this episode of NXT. We also got the first official appearance of Thea Trinidad, who used to compete in TNA as Rosita. She hasn’t been identified yet, but she’s being set up as someone from Andrade “Cien” Almas’ past, and potentially as his new manager. I’m on board.

Best: *slap*

Hideo Itami vs Oney Lorcan was the kind of wrestling match Bret Hart would hate but the rest of us love: two dudes with limited personality but limitless strength just smacking the hell out of each other for the enjoyment of the audience. The ending was a bit of a shock, too, with Itami repeatedly hoisting up Lorcan for a GTS then refusing to go for the pin, turning heel in the process.

Kassius Ohno comes down to save Oney, and the resulting confrontation between KO and Itami gets physical, just like it did between the two following TakeOver: Chicago. I think these two will put on a great program together, but the danger is that both guys are dangerously close to being in must-win scenarios to avoid being dead in the water, so it will be interesting to see how this feud is handled for the next few months.

Worst: No Chance, Jose

How bummed do you think No Way Jose must be that out of everyone who was originally standing by his side during his original feud with SAnitY that he’s the only one left holding the bag? Tye Dillinger got called up, Roddy Strong is being slotted into an NXT Championship feud, Kassius Ohno is lined up against Hideo Itami and even Ruby Riot, while still running into Nikki Cross on a regular basis, is also getting multiple title shots. Sorry, Jose, but someone’s gotta make Killian Dain look strong.

Jose looked like a full-on chump in his return match, getting little offense in against Dain (who has a fancy new singles theme). The rest of SAnitY didn’t even have to interfere to cost Jose the match — that’s how ineffectual he was. Dude’s been off TV for two-plus months, you couldn’t even give him a little shine? This makes me think Jose’s feud with SAnitY is still going to continue, and he’s going to recruit a new batch of aimless midcarders to continue the battle. To that I say: Greeeeeeaaaaaat.

Next Week: Asuka defends the NXT Women’s Championship in a triple threat elimination match against Nikki Cross and Ruby Riot, and we probably get Velveteen Dream again or something too.