Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Eric Young made his WWE debut, challenging the NXT Champion to a match and getting it because that’s how things work in the Impact Zone. This week, he cuts a pre-taped promo that I’m probably not recapping.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for May 11, 2016.
Best: American Alpha, Not Idiots
This week’s opener — minus an Elias Samson guitar hurling we’ll get to when we talk about the main event — is American Alpha vs. Corey Hollis and John Skyler. In terms of difficulty, I might as well have typed, “American Alpha vs. Hello Kitty and Keroppi.”
There are two things to love about this. First, it’s an American Alpha squash, and we need more of those. Just collegiate supermen lifting average dudes up and throwing them at the ground, cool wristlocking them until they cry. If AA is truly going to be the new generation Steiner Brothers, they’re gonna need to start getting really mean about how good they are. Those were always my favorite Steiner squashes. The ones where Rick and Scott were like, “Why are we wrestling these guys? Whatever, here’s 70 suplexes.” There were so many moments as a kid where Rick would pop up and take somebody’s head off with a Steinerline and at like 11 years old I was like, “HO HO HO YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE, BUDDY.”
The other thing to love is the finish, in which The Revival show up to cause a Distraction Finish™. At first Alpha takes a defensive stance, like, “Are you guys running in? We’re ready!” When they realize Dawson and Wilder are just gonna stand on the ramp with their arms crossed, they immediately go back to winning the match. There’s no rollup falsie or any THE REVIVAL IS IN THE HEADS OF THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS stuff. American Alpha’s good at wrestling, acknowledged the presence of the distraction, and calmly continued winning their match like motherf*cking champs.
Best: See You Never, White Lion
White Lion. Pure as the driven snow!
This week’s show is all about dominant squashes. Even the competitive matches boil down to, “one of these wrestlers is clearly better, so here’s the part where they stop f*cking around and take control and win.” The best of these, and maybe the best of these this year, is d*mb f*cking living Axe body spray container Alex Riley thinking he can step into a ring with Shinsuke Nakamura and not explode.
As you might expect, Riley gets the sh*t beaten out of him and it’s great. He starts off okay, but as soon as he starts taking offense, he’s TOAST. There’s no back and forth here … Riley gets in a little lame offense, Nakamura starts lighting him up, and Riley never recovers. He just takes all of Nak’s moves in a row and dies. And then he’s GONE FOREVER*.
*Knowing NXT’s taping schedule, “gone forever” could mean “on TV for the next 12 weeks.”
Also, +1 to the pre-match interview where Nak is asked about “rage,” and he just responds with “Rage? SHAKING WITH RAGE” and walks away.
Best: ALEXA BLISS DEATH GOOZLE
1. It’s fun to go back and watch Alexa’s earlier work, then watch her match against Rachel Ellering. The problem with Early Bliss (besides the fact that she never blew her glitter cloud into someone’s eyes to blind them) is that she didn’t really have any offense. It was just tumbling around without really touching anybody, and a lot of tumble-dodging. Now, she’s anchoring match with arm work. That’s awesome.
2. Rachel Ellering might have Tessa Blanchard topped in the Wrestling Pedigree department. “Hi, I’m Rachel Ellering. I’m a f*cking power lifter and my dad managed the Road Warriors.”
3. The Alexa Bliss DEATH GOOZLE is one of my favorite moves in NXT right now. She just stops whatever she’s doing and grabs you by your throat, which for some reason gets an “ooooh” from the crowd even though she’s like 3-foot-negative-6. She goes CRAZY EYES and STOs you, presumably using the power of her exoskeleton hand. Maybe she wears that loose metal claw because her hand’s too powerful to contain without it? BRB, writing a sh*t-ton of speculative fan-fic.
4. The best commentary of the night is during this match, with Corey Graves saying Bliss is going to make a career out of eating everybody’s daughters. BRING IT ON, AURORA ROSE.
In a related backstage segment, Austin Aries fuss-argued his way into a match with Blake and Murphy and will face them alongside a partner of his choosing. I haven’t read the spoilers, but unless his partner choice is “Nakamura” or “Kevin Owens if he’s still available,” he’s not taking advantage of the “of his choosing” part. Aries should just show up and be like DEMON FINN, I PICK DEMON FINN. OR BROCK LESNAR.
Eh: More Of The Damn Drifter
Look, I like a character I don’t like getting his ass kicked as much as the next guy, but I’m not even sure I want to see the Drifter do THAT.
He opens the show interrupting Finn Bálor and gets Pele Kicked in the face. Samson sorta butt-scoots out of the ring and up the ramp, so Finn plays the guitar sarcastically and then hurls it down the ramp at him. Samson catches it and acts like he just miraculously caught a falling baby, which might be the best he’s ever been.
Later, the two face off in the main event. If you watch the Fan Nation clip, it’s even more one-sided than it was on the Network, which I appreciate. There’s no reason that overpowered-ass Finn Bálor should be taking a second of heat from this dude, even if he’s a team player and wants everyone to look good, because it’s the Drifter. Finn crunches him, the end, and we move into the post-match stuff someone at Full Sail could conceivably give a sh*t about.
Best: Fired-Up William Regal
The show ends with Finn and Samoa Joe almost getting into it again about the NXT Championship, and a FIRED UP William Regal getting between them to make Another TakeOver Main Event. On June 8, Finn gets his rematch for the Championship. I really hope they finally have Joe pull the, “try to beat me without the Demon” thing, because if they don’t do it during Finn’s NXT run they’re probably never going to do it.
I know it’s impossible, but man, I want to see Samoa Joe vs. William Regal so bad right now.
