Hey, Blue Team.
Pretty good Smackdown this week. I get a little nit-picky in the middle, because I’m a spoiled, entitled wrestling nerd, but it really was a good show and it’s like the wrestling version of Monday Night RAW.
The Road to Roadblack is a long one. If you continue to enjoy me watching Smackdown so you don’t have to, please consider sharing, liking, and commenting. While you’re at it, follow With Spandex on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
And now without further ado, here is The Best and Worst of Smackdown for March 3, 2016.
Best: Brass Ring Grabbed
This week’s Smackdown opens up with Dean Ambrose, who is absolutely on fire. This isn’t “Exploding Television” Dean Ambrose, or “Drive a Wacky Vehicle to the Building” Dean Ambrose. This is DEAN AMBROSE. This is finally the version of the character we all know could exist. This is main event Dean Ambrose. While his Shield brother Roman Reigns is out getting a nose job (probably to make himself look more like The Rock), with every segment Dean Ambrose is becoming the star WWE wishes Reigns was.
Ambrose’s music hits and he hobbles to the ring. It feels like he’s not only selling the beatdown from Triple H on this past Monday’s RAW, but also kind of like he’s selling everything that’s been happening to him since the Royal Rumble. He asks for the mic and a chair, takes a seat in the middle of the ring, and goes about masterfully selling both WrestleMania and Bizarro WrestleMania, Roadblock. He explains his actions of the past few weeks and lays out a future that has him beating Triple H at Roadblock and has him going on to main event WrestleMania. He lays out every scenario of what could happen if he’s the WWE Champion come WrestleMania. Would he end up wrestling Roman Reigns? He said that seems like the right thing to do, but he really wants to wrestle Brock Lesnar. He’s got revenge on his mind and he wants to be the guy who slays The Beast once and for all. He goes on to point out that on the other hand, he might have to have a rematch with Triple H. He lays out several scenarios of wrestling different opponents at Mania, and then suggests that maybe they should just put all four of them in a cage and see what happens. He says that anything can happen right now, and the way he says it makes me want to believe it.
Can you imagine this same promo coming from Roman Reigns? It would be a nightmare. The things Roman struggles with come to Dean Ambrose with ease. I want to believe Dean when he says anything can happen, but I know Triple H vs. Roman Reigns is the inevitable end to the Road to WrestleMania. If your politics lean at all to the left, then Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns right now are a lot like Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton. Dean Ambrose is the Bernie Sanders of Sports Entertainment. He’s doing a great job, his supporters are growing, he’s saying all the things you want to hear, and he gives you hope that the future may not be that bad after all. My heart is with Dean Ambrose 100%; MY WrestleMania ends with him in the main event, but my brain knows it’s going to be Hillary Clinton, because that’s what the establishment wants, and the poll numbers don’t lie. And that’ll be fine, I guess. She’ll have a perfectly fine match with Triple H. But it won’t have the same passion and it won’t have the same spark as a Bernie Sanders/Triple H main event would.
Before Ambrose can wrap up, Kevin Owens’ music hits. He starts to complain that he’s the Intercontinental Champion, but doesn’t have a high profile match set up for WrestleMania or Roadblock, while Ambrose, the former champion, had big matches set for both. Owens walks behind Ambrose then tries to jump him from behind, but Ambrose side-steps him, folds up the chair he was sitting up, and hits Owens with it. Dean gets back on the mic and points out to Owens that he saw him coming on the Titantron, and then challenges Owens for a match tonight. And even though this will be about the hundredth time they’ve wrestled each other over the last five months, I’m excited for it. I’ll take as much of this version of Dean Ambrose as I can get.
Best: Sheamsev or Rumus
In their attempt to get everyone on the WrestleMania card, WWE has accidentally built a nice little tag team division. I know they’ll probably blow the whole thing up after Mania, but much like main event Dean Ambrose, I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts. The first match of this week’s Smackdown is the Usos vs. the team of Rusev and Sheamus with the rest of the League of Nations at ringside. I really like the combo of Rusev and Sheamus. I hope this is the League of Nations tag team they move forward with. If you think about it, Rusev and Sheamus are pretty similar; they’re awkward, pretty funny guys who also happen to be hosses. You can tell they enjoy themselves out there, but take what they do very serious. They’re fun to watch. I guess at times the same could be said for Wade Barrett. You drop Alberto Del Rio and you may really have something with the League of Nations. Del Rio is anything but fun. Whatever you think the opposite of having fun is, that’s what Del Rio is.
Rusev and Sheamus handily defeat the Usos here in a solid match. If you’re a regular reader of The Best and Worst of Smackdown, you may already know how much I enjoy the Usos when they’re putting people over. They’re great at it. They’re like pre-Michael Hayes Hardy Boyz right now. The League of Nations overpower and outman the Usos to get a fairly easy victory. But Jimmy and Jey still manage to get a little bit of flying and some superkicks in. That is until Jimmy Uso eats a Brogue Kick and Sheamus gets the pin. Post-match, the League of Nations celebrates until the Dudley Boyz make they’re way to the ring with their last surviving table. The League is more than happy to get out of their way and let them pick up the pieces of the Usos. After all, they know they’re going to have to wrestle them ten to twelve more times before WrestleMania, so why not have the Dudleys soften them up.
Jey Uso tries to fight the Dudleys off, but Bubba and D-Von make quick work of him, throwing him shoulder first into the ring post. Soon the Dudleys turn their sights on Jimmy and really put an exclamation point on the fact that these are not the Dudley Boyz you saw return last year. They don’t give him a 3D or any of the other Dudley Greatest Hits. D-Von just simply holds Jimmy’s arms behind his back while Bubba kicks him in the face. Good stuff.
Worst: Miz’d Opportunities
Up next is The Miz vs. Cricket Wireless Spokesperson, Dolph Ziggler. It’s only with a little shame that I tell you all that I love The Miz. I was really hoping his under two minute victory over Dolph earlier in the week on RAW was the beginning of new things for him, and not just an attempt to make him look a little bit important, leading into whatever they have planned for him for Mania. I had hoped this match would further what they started on Monday. A solid ten minute, two segment match with Ziggler looking good, but The Miz pulling out a clean victory, proving Monday’s win was not a fluke. But what I got was another match under two minutes. But this time, Ziggler gets the win. Fifty/fifty every time, fifty/fifty all the time. In a bit of a repeat of what we saw last week with Kevin Owens and The Big Show, WWE’s fifty/fifty booking has progressed to the point that now, not only is it inevitable that you’re going to get beaten on Smackdown by the person you defeated on RAW, now that person will defeat you the same way you beat them. Now everyone gets a medal just for participating.
This might not be a popular opinion, but WWE has a really missed opportunity with The Miz. They don’t really have a low level main event singles heel right now, and The Miz could be that guy. You know that guy I’m talking about. He’s not quite Randy Orton, but he gets to wrestle the World Champion at Extreme Backlash or whatever Pay-Per-View falls between WrestleMania and Money in the Bank. The Miz deserves it. He worked his butt off to go from reality show star to WrestleMania main eventer. Not only did he wrestle John Cena for the WWE title at WrestleMania, he beat him. The Miz beat John Cena in the main event at WrestleMania. And now it’s like that never happened. WWE just forgets about it, the same way they seem to forget The Miz exists every couple of months. Sure that WrestleMania match was horrible, but it’s not The Miz’ fault that Dwayne Johnson showed up and Rocked all over it. Come on, WWE, pull the trigger. Roman Reigns has to defend the title against somebody in June, why not The Miz?
Worst: The Truth
It may be a bigger rib than the polka dots at this point. Dusty may be gone, but Vince honors his memory by treating his sons with the same respect he showed him. They’re still going to team Goldust and R-Truth up, right? That’s still where this is going? After weeks of being humiliated by R-Truth, Goldust is eventually going to end up teaming with him, right? He’s going to show that he has no respect for himself and happily team with his abuser — that’s the storyline here, right? Why do I want to watch that? I love Goldust. He only has so much time left as an in-ring competitor, and they’re wasting it on months of backstage sketches with R-Truth. All for what? You can’t tell me WWE has any real plans for Golden Truth, other than the fact that when you put their two names together, it forms a phrase.
Can I start fast-forwarding through these segments? Would that be okay with everyone?
Best and Worst: Evenly Matched Losers
We’ve known for weeks now that the Divas Title match at WrestleMania would inevitably include both Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch. Even with that being the case, WWE could have still put some effort into getting us there. Sasha and Becky had a great match on this week’s Smackdown that was hard for me to enjoy, because without having read any spoilers I still knew this match had to end with nobody winning. It was written in the stars.
I was so angry on Monday. The end of Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch’s match on RAW was ridiculous. The epitome of stupid. Dean Ambrose’ Exploding TV. The story here should be that Becky and Sasha are so good, so evenly matched, that it wouldn’t be fair for one of them to get the WrestleMania title opportunity over the other. You have to make it a Triple Threat because they both deserve it. Instead, the storyline is “Whoops. Accidents Happen.” It’s the difference between them both being winners or them both being losers. Pardon me, but I’m going to go a little Jim Ross Podcast on you for a minute. Either of these two Becky/Sasha matches could have really benefited from a time limit draw. They say WWE doesn’t have time limits anymore. I don’t know if that’s ever really been made official. The only matches that ever go longer than 20 minutes are title matches, and those always had hour long time limits anyway. Are the time limits gone, or are they just not announcing them anymore. I honestly don’t know. Either way, how much better would it have been for their matches, their feud, the build to WrestleMania, and the Divas Revolution if Sasha and Becky had wrestled one or both of these matches to a time limit draw? How does them accidentally having their shoulders on the mat at the same time or a double disqualification prove how evenly matched these competitors are? Don’t get me wrong; these have been good matches, especially this one. I just want to see WWE do Becky and Sasha justice.
The first live WWE event I ever went to was a house show at the Los Angeles Sports Arena in 1989. I was your typical WWF kid. I went there to see Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. I was a much bigger fan of Sports Entertainment than I was of Wrestling. In fact, up until that night, I had watched a lot of WWF, but I don’t think I had ever seen what I would refer to as wrestling before. I went there to see a balding man put his hand up to his ear, and I got to see that, but what I also got to see was Bret Hart and Curt Hennig wrestle for twenty minutes to a draw. It was a hard fought back and forth match with Bret doing everything he could to put Curt away, but coming up short every time, the crowd getting more and more behind Bret with every nearfall. Finally Bret put Curt in the sharp shooter, and after what seemed like forever, the bell rang and the crowd erupted, everyone assuming Bret won and Curt had given up. But then it was announced time had run out while Bret had Curt in the sharp shooter. It was a time limit draw; we wouldn’t find out who the better man was that night. At intermission, Howard Finkel announced that the WWF would return to Los Angeles next month with a rematch between Bret and Curt that would have no time limit. They had me hook, line, and sinker. I was begging my dad to get tickets for next month’s show. I was over the middle aged guy in the yellow trunks and desperate to come back and see who would win between the Hitman and Mr. Perfect. In my mind, both men were unbeatable. Sasha and Becky should look unbeatable. That’s never going to happen if they keep being booked to be accidental losers instead of neck and neck winners.
Also ending up on the worst side of this segment is Charlotte assuming that if there was no winner between Becky and Sasha that she wouldn’t have to defend her title at WrestleMania. Her dad has wrestled for 85 years; how does she not know how wrestling works? Was she assuming she’d end up wrestling Naomi or Nattie at WrestleMania? Is she the only person on the roster who doesn’t want a WrestleMania moment? At least the Divas Triple Threat was made official tonight and we don’t have to sit through three more weeks of increasingly more convoluted ways of Becky and Sasha both losing.
Best: New!
I’ve talked about this a lot, but one of the best parts about having AJ Styles in WWE is if he’s not wrestling Chris Jericho, then he’s wrestling someone he’s never been in the ring with before. And the main thing WWE has desperately needed these past few years is “new.”
This week’s new match is AJ Styles vs. Kofi Kingston in a match I thought for sure we’d eventually see in TNA. Don’t worry, I’m only going to use that joke another three months. Seriously, though, this is another great WWE-style AJ Styles match. Kofi’s another good opponent for him. New Day may not be playing their best notes lately outside the ring, but between the ropes they haven’t missed a beat. It was a fun competitive match with Styles getting the victory. I’m sure the tag match on Monday is going to be great.
Best: Telling Stories
I am the first person to cry and moan about the same match happening too many times and about champs losing non-title matches. But neither of those things matter to me when you have two people operating on the level that Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens are at this time. They continue to tell new stories with each of their matches. Both men are in different places than they were back at the Royal Rumble. They both need new and different things out of this match. It’s no longer about the Intercontinental Title for Owens; he’s got his belt back. Now it’s all about trying to prove he can beat Dean Ambrose, that he deserves Ambrose’ spot. Owens is a prize fighter, and a win over Dean Ambrose is his new prize. Ambrose on the other hand just has to keep fighting. He’s become a professional wrestling perpetual motion machine. The momentum of each match carries him to the next. He has to beat Kevin Owens, no matter how bad of shape he may be in. He has not one, but two dates with destiny against WWE’s two top bosses. He has to keep going, he has to keep fighting, he has to keep the momentum alive. This is a great match; each man telling their own individual stories while working together to tell a new one.
They’re on top of each other the whole match. Owens won’t let up and Ambrose won’t give up. It’s yet another example of Dean Ambrose being a better Roman Reigns than Roman Reigns could ever possibly be. You truly believe the odds are stacked against Dean Ambrose. Not just tonight, but at Roadblock, at WrestleMania, and maybe for the rest of his career.
Late in the match, they each start getting desperate. Each men are on the outside. In a fit of frustration, Owens clears the announce table, prepping to put Ambrose through it. But Dean rolls back into the ring before Kevin gets a chance. Owens goes after him, but Dean catches him and sets him up for Dirty Deeds. Before he can hit it, Owens reverses and sends Dean into the ropes, setting him up for the Pop-up Powerbomb, but Ambrose catches him and turns it into a Frankensteiner. This causes Owens to roll right back onto his feet, allowing him to hit a quick Superkick to the chin of Ambrose. Owens goes for a Running Senton out of the corner, but Ambrose brings up the knees and blocks him, giving Ambrose just enough momentum to hit Dirty Deeds and get the 1-2-3. Ambrose keeps going, he keeps fighting, his story continues. You can have the same matches week in and week out as long as the stories keep progressing. As long as the characters keep evolving. And as long as that match is Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose.
Until next week, I’m Justin Donaldson, and I’ve never seen a Hayabusa match that wasn’t on a third generation VHS tape. R.I.P. Hayabusa; you made my teenage years a little more exciting.
