Hey, Blue Team.
This week, another SmackDown occurred and I watched it. I don’t know if zika broke out in the locker room or what happened, but WWE seemed to have only had about six available wrestlers for this week’s show. As always, there’s some good wrestling, hey! there’s even some great wrestling — I’m looking at you, Fatal Fourway. But it’s all completely meaningless. They’re just biding their time as they pack their bags, waiting to move to Tuesday.
There is one notable difference between this week’s SmackDown and all the other episodes of SmackDown this year. At no time does anyone sit in on commentary as a guest (unless you count David Otunga). I believe this is the first time a SmackDown has occurred this year without the tried and true trope of someone sitting in on commentary and then interfering in the match. Or, their mere presence on commentary causing one of the match participants to get very distracted. I applaud the SmackDown writing team for stepping outside their comfort zone. Good job doing something different, even if this definition of something different is just you guys not writing something into this week’s script that you’ve written into every script for the past six months.
If you enjoy me watching SmackDown so you don’t have to, please consider sharing, liking, and commenting. While you’re at it, follow With Spandex on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
My never ending tour of comedy wrestling podcasts continues this week as I am the guest on Dan Black’s The Comedians of Wrestling Podcast. Give it a click if you want to hear me talk about how nice Ricochet’s ass is, and my belief that all sports are predetermined.
And now without further ado, here is The Best and Worst of SmackDown for June 30, 2016.
Best: Something Slightly Different
This week’s SmackDown opens up in a very unique way — they show a graphic advertising a Fatal Fourway match where the winner will be the No. 1 contender for the U.S. Title. They follow that up by airing short pre-tapes with the four competitors: Apollo Crews, Cesaro, Sheamus, and Alberto Del Rio. They were different, not the kind of thing WWE has regularly done in a long time. They were each shot in different locations. Cesaro pulling up outside the building, Crews in the gym, etc.
They didn’t fully work for me. For some reason, it felt like there was something a bit off about them. But I still have to applaud WWE for trying something new. I get so tired of the same things over and over again week in and week out, that when they do something different I feel immediately engaged by it, even if it’s not great. So points for trying, I guess. I don’t know, maybe this was good. Maybe my brain has just become so preprogrammed by SmackDown that I just assume the only way to announce those four men are in a match together is by one of them being on the Highlight Reel and the other three coming out one by one to interrupt them. When they use a semi-new device to do the same thing, my brain can’t compute it and it just seems weird to me. What has SmackDown done to me?
Best: Wrestle Like You Need It, Because You Do
Your first match of the night is that Fatal Fourway — it’s Apollo Crews vs. Sheamus vs. Cesaro vs. Alberto Del Rio, with the winner facing Rusev for the United States Championship later on tonight. It’s the perfect opening match. It’s fast-paced and action packed. All four of these men could use the shot in the arm of a United States Championship reign, and they seem to all be wrestling like they know that.
From bell to bell these guys never let up, with never a dull moment. It felt like any of them could win the match at any time. I like that. I also liked how natural the finish of the match was. The end came kind of out of nowhere. Del Rio was setting Cesaro up for his arm breaker, but Cesaro escaped and swept Del Rio off his feet right into the swing, followed up by the sharp shooter where Del Rio taps. Rarely these days do the finishes come with so little telegraphing. The way the match was laid out set this up nicely, plus it helps that Cesaro has more than one finishing move. Everyone should have multiple finishing moves. It helps with the mystery of whether the match is really over or not.
The main thing I liked about this match though, is it felt like it really meant something. So many matches on WWE TV (and especially SmackDown) feel like the dreaded “wrestling for the sake of wrestling.” But adding the U.S. Title contender stipulation gave it that extra gravitas. In turn, the way these guys wrestled the match made a shot at the U.S. Title feel more important, which in turn makes the U.S. Title itself feel more important. That’s smart long term booking, and in the short term makes tonight’s U.S. Title match between Cesaro and Rusev feel more important. I’m now excited to see the outcome of that match.
Worst: Nevermind
Forget everything you just read, because as it turns out, that last match was for nothing. After the Fatal Fourway, Del Rio ambushes Cesaro on his way out of the ring and nails him into the steel steps. Then he throws him up on the ring apron and double stomps him to the floor. That’s all great. It helps further the storyline of Del Rio being jealous of Cesaro and adds an extra layer to the U.S. Title match later tonight. Except the U.S. Title match isn’t taking place later tonight, because Rusev comes out right now.
Rusev gets on the mic and challenges Cesaro to have their match right now. If you saw last week’s show, you saw Dean Ambrose and Sami Zayn establish that wrestling right now, instead of 45 minutes from now, somehow makes you more of a man. Well, there is no more of a man than Cesaro. So in spite of being injured, he accepts the challenge. And right away, you know the outcome of the match. There is no suspense. The excitement built in the Fatal Fourway is gone. Rusev is beating Cesaro due to his injuries. There’s no other way this can go. Why do this? Why not just wait and have the match later on? You can have the same outcome without having Cesaro looking bad. Cesaro is not going to look any worse for losing because he’s injured later tonight instead of right now. But by holding off and doing the match later in the night, it’s plausible that Cesaro could win. Your predetermined sport doesn’t have to look so predetermined. Do these guys have to catch a plane? This makes no sense.
But the match itself is fantastic, which makes me wish even more that the outcome wasn’t so clear cut. Rusev and Cesaro are perfect opponents for each other. They may be the most powerful men on the roster, and their timing and agility is off the charts. If we have to continue to see the same wrestlers face each other again and again, week after week, I wouldn’t mind those two guys being Cesaro and Rusev. There’s another Rusev/Titus O’Neil match coming up this Monday on RAW; maybe we can wrap that up and Rusev can go on to wrestle Cesaro full time. Frankly, any of the men in tonight’s Fatal Fourway would make a better more interesting opponent for Rusev than Titus “No More Fun” O’Neil. After the match, Renee Young catches up backstage with Rusev and Lana to inform them about Titus getting a rematch on RAW and Rusev seems as disgusted by the idea as I do.
Best: The Concept Behind This
Dana Brooke wrestles Billie Kay in a perfectly acceptable match. The announcers make it clear that Billie is a Performance Center trainee and not a permanent part of the main roster. I really like the idea of using Performance Center trainees as occasional enhancement talent for the main roster. It’s my opinion that one of the things WWE needs the most right now are enhancement talent squash matches. Matches where New Era Superstars like Dana Brooke can get over without the 50/50 booking of wrestling other main roster Superstars, while at the same time, showing off their full range of offense.
It also helps the WWE fans who don’t watch NXT every week become more familiar with these Superstars. This match may not be the best example of how this could work, but it gives me hope that this is something they may continue. I’d rather mix in a couple squash matches every week than have the same two Superstars wrestle each other over and over.
Best: The Miz Is Back
If you had walked up to me a few years ago and told me the one day I’d be more excited to see The Miz than Dean Ambrose, I would have punched you in the face. Today I owe that man I punched in the face an apology. I’m SO happy The Miz is back, and he hasn’t skipped a beat. Everything he and Maryse do continue to be totally on point.
Returning with The Miz is Miz TV, and his guest this week is Wacky Dean Ambrose. I’ve already spent a lot of time in this column and in my personal life over the last few weeks complaining about the staleness of Wacky Ambrose, so I’m not going to go into it too deep here. But once again this week, Ambrose is here to show off his talents as a prop comic. This week, the prop is a Cuban sandwich, because this week’s show is in Miami. It leads to Ambrose wiping mustard off his mouth with The Miz’s presumably expensive jacket. Because as we all know, Ambrose loves ruining jackets.
I may not like Wacky Ambrose, but I will admit it kind of works here. And that’s all thanks to The Miz. He’s so smarmy, stuck-up, and narcissistic that Ambrose acting like a child toward him seems kind of justifiable. At least more so than with other people. It’s kind of like watching Bugs Bunny work with Daffy Duck.
Best: A Better Example
And before SmackDown is over, my wish comes true. The Wyatt Family vs. Local Talent still isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I say I want to see squash matches, but we’re getting closer. I could have used three or four more moves from The Wyatts, but I’ll take it! Afterwards, The New Day and The Wyatts said a bunch of nonsense to each other … I don’t know. I like that squash match though!
Best: The Woman’s Division Just Doubled In Size
Ever since WrestleMania, it’s felt like WWE Television has had a maximum capacity of four women at a time. I’m so happy to have Sasha Banks back on television, but I’m also extremely happy that Summer Rae popped back up too. Can we please just keep all the women’s roster on television? Alicia Fox is still with the company, right? Can we get her back on TV, too? Did Lana retire as an in-ring competitor? It’s a breath of fresh air that we got two women’s matches on tonight’s show, and neither of them involved Charlotte or Nattie.
The match was pretty good. Probably the most competitive we’re going to get between these two at this point in time, with Sasha on her way to a Women’s Championship match, and Summer a complete afterthought. But it’s still nice to see them both back on TV and wrestling each other. Hopefully we’ll see Summer Rae facing some “local talent” soon.
Bwerst: SmackDown
Dean Ambrose vs. The Miz is a good match that’s also forgettable, pointless, and ends with the Intercontinental Champion being pinned clean. So it’s about as SmackDown of a main event as you can get. I’m shocked Seth Rollins wasn’t on commentary. This has to be the end of an era, right?
With the brand split, these good but pointless main events I assume will go the way of the Gobbledy Gooker. That’s such a relief. It’s time for a change. The era of SmackDown feeling less like a television show and more like two hours of content WWE is obligated to provide to Comcast has to end. It should have ended years ago.
I hate complaining about good matches, and this match was a good one. But I’m so ready for this brand split. At least over the last few years, bad pointless matches have turned into good pointless matches. Still. I am SO ready for this brand split. I could fill another paragraph complaining about the Intercontinental Champion losing a non-title match clean, but this match matters so little that that may not even matter. I guess I should just be happy that the WWE Champion isn’t losing non-title matches clean. Didn’t Rollins spend a year doing that on RAW and SmackDown?
Have I mentioned how ready I am for the brand split? We got two more weeks to limp along. What meaningless action will take place before then? Come back here next week to find out.
Until next week, I’m Justin Donaldson and I’m ready for the brand split.
