So here we are. What started as Matt Hardy livestreaming himself making faces at nothing in a hotel room has evolved into an epic universe of sentient drones, massacre-loving gardeners, and a baby who might be a god or the future or an Antediluvian or secretly made of highly desirable Hot Topic gift cards (who even knows at this point). There’s a lake that resurrects ‘the dead,’ and Reby Hardy’s insane amount of economical storage space. Oh, and a dilapidated boat.
The House of Hardy faced off against The Decay in a full-scale home invasion attempt full of fireworks, Joseph Park, and felony kidnapping. Though they managed to save Maxel from Rosemary, The Decay critically wounded Vanguard 1, then drove off with Senor Benjamin. Jeff Hardy’s body (and soul, probably) was injured. Reby was left unconscious in a pile of decorative candles. How did Matt Hardy cope with the aftermath of DELETE or DECAY?
Let’s find out.
Jeff Hardy and the Lake of Resurrection
After Jeff is left weakened and wheelchair-bound from a shot to the gut with Janice, Matt steers him out to The Lake of Resurrection. He shouts to the seven gods (sure, why not) to restore Brother Nero and heal his physical form. At first, Jeff emerges as a babyface champion, smoking and spitting John Cena catchphrases. I really wish we could have gotten more iterations of Jeff before Brother Nero’s return. Thurston Howell Jeff Hardy. Cartoon Jeff Hardy. Thinks he’s a chicken thanks to a low-rent hypnotist Jeff Hardy. Or, my personal favorite, Rodney Dangerfield Jeff Hardy. (Ehhh, I get no respect from Billy Corgan, no respect I tell ya! Dixie Carter? She’s so fat that when she wears high heels she strikes oil!) The possibilities are endless. Maybe earmark some of those for the future, Impact. You can even have those for free.
The Restoration of Vanguard 1
Now that Jeff is all wet and angry like the ideal ending to a great first date, Matt goes on the hunt for Vanguard 1. Here we find that Matt and his drone can communicate telepathically, and that the drone is actually also Jeff Hardy’s soul put into an electric flying machine? I think? I mean, those words don’t sound right when you say them out loud, but neither does “it’s 2016 and everyone in wrestling is talking about The Hardy Boys,” so …
Much like when he pulled Brother Nero from the depths of wherever the seven gods store their extra souls (ooo, maybe that’s where Reby got her closet inspiration!), Matt resurrects Vanguard 1 in the most dramatic fashion possible, and then sends him out to locate their missing gardener.
The Hunt For Senor Benjamin
As Vanguard 1 reboots, he’s flooded with memories of his days with Senor Benjamin, like helping him with the landscaping, and playing chess together. We then get a series of MATT FACTS about Benjamin that are, admittedly, pretty incredible:
- Expert in lawncare and well-versed in massacre
- Best friends with a troublemaking drone
- Favorite dishes: Plantanos Maduros and Vengana Frio
- Master chess player
- Licensed back hoe operator
- Graduated first with honors in Tazoring
- Munitions specialist
WHERE DO YOU EVEN GO TO SCHOOL FOR TAZORING? WHAT KIND OF BACKWOODS HARDY NONSENSE IS HAPPENING?
Years of crying at *batteries not included, Short Circuit, and all that Star Wars has taught me is that the best way to pull that much genuine emotion from my cold, hypercritical heart is to make robots have feelings in front of me. Vanguard 1 is now my mechanical Velveteen Rabbit and I’ll probably never forgive Matt Hardy for making me admit that.
Anyways, because TNA loves using abandoned-looking shacks (like where Willow attacked Rockstar Spud, or James Storm did all that weird sex stuff or whatever to Sanada and Manik), Vanguard 1 finds Senor Benjamin in such a place. After summoning Matt Hardy, the drone’s best friend is released from his bonds. After making sure Benjamin is alright, they begin preparations for yet another battle that will go down at Bound for Glory.
The really great thing about this House of Hardy saga is the continuing trend of making the smallest, dumbest things about Impact mean the most. EC3 and Spud did that throughout the entirety of their ultimately contemptuous relationship. Small moments like EC3 flipping Spud’s binoculars during The Hunt for Willow. See also: the entirety of Joseph Park’s existence. Remember Bobby Roode’s giant chair and swinging Kermit legs from EGO’s induction of him into the Hall of Fame?
The Hardys are completely self aware in this ongoing endeavor, and while a lot of it feels like forced camp, it’s evolved into something that’s managed to elicit a very real emotional reaction. That’s what happens when you pay attention to those small details, and give characters — even minor ones like Vanguard 1 and Senor Benjamin — actual depth. Senor Benjamin was just a guy who prepared a battlefield, and Vanguard 1 was a drone who can somehow drive a car, but now they’re portrayed as having a backstory and a friendship. Vanguard 1 can shoot missiles, but he’s also a total butthead when he loses at chess. Senor Benjamin is real fond of his drone friend and also apparently real body confident. Again, I can only hope that the attention this gains serves as the impetus for more people watching the rest of what happens in the Zone of Impact, and also gets like, roughly a million people on that roster to just lighten the f*ck up.
Also, more robot friendships.
