Hulk Hogan is finally getting his day in court, and folks, sh*t is already getting weird. Some background: The Hulkster is currently seeking $100 million in damages from the website Gawker for posting an edited version of his sex tape without his consent. Gawker contends that the post with the video of Hogan giving his best friend’s wife the third leg-drop is protected speech under the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. If that doesn’t sound messy enough (ew, not that part), Hogan was subsequently released from WWE and removed from its Hall of Fame due to his mega-racist pillow talk. Hogan went on a media tour begging forgiveness, blaming his use of the words on his rough upbringing in Tampa. That was later refuted by his neighbors and former residents of the area, because a firm grip on reality might not be Hogan’s strongest asset.
For decades Hogan has been one of the biggest names in sports, entertainment, or sports entertainment in the world, so it’s no surprise that selecting an unbiased jury proved…difficult:
Attorney asks somewhat seriously if anyone was upset when Hogan slammed Andre the Giant or when he became "Hollywood Hogan" #hulkvsgawk
— Tom Kludt (@TomKludt) March 3, 2016
Attorney: Do you follow wrestling?
Juror: “Yeah, when it was real back in the day." #hulkvsgawk— Anna Phillips (@annamphillips) March 2, 2016
Same juror who wrote down "I'm on Terry Bollea's side," also wrote, "I like Hulk Hogan" #hulkvsgawk
— Anna Phillips (@annamphillips) March 2, 2016
Juror #5 indicated on her questionnaire that she had info posted online without her consent; husband posted her weight #hulkvsgawk
— Tom Kludt (@TomKludt) March 2, 2016
While a good number identified themselves as having strong morals, mostly rooted in their Christian faith, some had more uh, questionable beliefs:
"If I could talk about that word for a moment, it’s a double-edged sword," says white, female juror of the n-word. #hulkvsgawk
— Anna Phillips (@annamphillips) March 2, 2016
"A certain race can say it but another race cannot. It’s just not right that that happens," she says. #hulkvsgawk
— Anna Phillips (@annamphillips) March 2, 2016
Among the 91 remaining in #hoganvsgawk jury pool: man who gets news from the 700 Club, woman who complained that whites can't say the N-word
— Tom Kludt (@TomKludt) March 3, 2016
The jury pool was just full of brave souls, like this one lady willing to do whatever it took in the name of justice:
Female juror on Hogan sex tape: "Do I want to look at it? No. Am I willing to, as a citizen? Yes.” #hulkvsgawk
— Tom Kludt (@TomKludt) March 3, 2016
Once jury selection was complete, Monday morning brought with it opening statements. Real trials aren’t like they seem on TV, folks. No hyperbolic, dramatic statements, and…wait, I’m sorry, Gawker’s attorney did what now?
During the defense opening, Gawker lawyer Michael Berry attacked Hogan’s suit as a naked grab for “lots and lots of money,” and contended that company founder Nick Denton had acted with the purest of motives.
Berry noted that Denton’s mom was a Hungarian Jew “who survived the Nazis” before escaping the Soviet occupation and fleeing to England at age 18.
“Mr. Denton grew up with parents who’ve seen first-hand what happens when speech is suppressed,” Berry said.
“He wants the public to have the simple, unvarnished truth … the unvarnished truth about public figures.”
Whoa, maybe we did get it all wrong, and World War II really was all about dicks.
There’s much more to unpack from the trial thus far, and believe me when I say we’ll be making jokes about it the whole time. Stay tuned, folks, because this is going to be an even bigger mess than – whoa, ew again!
