The Knockout Report 11/8/18: Multiple Maniacs

Impact Wrestling

Hello Impact fans and curious rubberneckers! I’m Elle Collins, and this is the Knockout Report. I’ll fill you in on everything that happens in Impact Wrestling, but I’m always going to lead with the Knockouts Division, because they deserve it. You can follow me on Twitter here, With Spandex here, and Uproxx here. You can watch Impact Wrestling on Pop every Thursday at 10 p.m. Then on Fridays, read this column and share it with everyone you know.

Last week Pentagon Jr. defeated Homicide in the main event, and Tessa Blanchard punched a ref to keep from losing her Knockouts Championship to Taya Valkyrie.

Without further ado, here’s the Knockout Report for November 8, 2018.

Jordynne Grace Defeated Katarina

Oh my god y’all, Jordynne Grace is awesome. Don Callis on commentary kept comparing her to Rhyno, and while that may seem less complimentary in a time when a lot of fans probably just associate Rhyno with Easy Cheese and Heath Slater, it’s still pretty awesome that we live in an era of pro wrestling when “female Rhyno” is a thing you can be. Jordynne’s beautiful, but she’s not about being beautiful. She’s about having huge muscles and kicking your ass.

Katarina was the perfect Knockout jobber for Grace to debut against. Her tall thin frame and glamorous gear offer just the right contrast to Jordynne’s look. Katarina got enough offense in for this to seem like a real match, but there was never any doubt that Jordynne’s strength would win the day. When it did, it was by submission via bear hug, which isn’t something you see much these days, but when Jordynne Grace does it, it looks painful as hell, and I’m into it. I can’t wait to see more of her. More matches, some mic time, hopefully a real storyline before too long, whatever Jordynne Grace content they can give us, I’m here for. Whether Tessa or Taya is Knockouts Champion at the end of their feud, I hope Jordynne is first in line.

Scarlett Bordeaux Keeps Doing Her Thing

Okay, I know innuendo and flirtation are part of Scarlett’s gimmick, and whatever. I’m certainly not going to “hot-shame” her. But let’s be clear about something — in this segment, she was definitely and purposely teasing KM and Fallah Bahh with the possibility that she’ll have sex with them, right? Is that meant to be the prize for anyone who wins her talent search? Because that kind of seems like the implication at this point! It’s also worth noting that when she first talked about the talent search, she said it was for men and women, but she only talks to men about it on the show, and they’ve only shown videos sent in by men (and Sharkboys). I’ve given up on the whole “maybe next week Scarlett will do something substantial” line of thought, but I can’t pretend I’m not going to get impatient with this whole thing before long.

Allie Has Finally Given In

Bye bye, Bunny. Allie never stood a chance without her soul, and now the Sinister Minister and Su Yung have led her fully into the darkness. I don’t know if that means she’s going away for a while, or if she’ll be back next week in a new evil form, but either way I continue to be extremely here for this story. I’m curious to see what Kiera Hogan does next. Will she reach out to someone else for help, now that she’s all alone? As far as babyface Knockouts go, Taya’s probably busy with Tessa and Alisha’s definitely busy with Eddie, so I think her only options are to befriend Jordynne Grace or find a way to contact Rosemary in the Undead Realm. The latter seems more likely for this story, but the former could also be great. And one way or another, this has to lead back to Rosemary eventually.

I love that moment at the end of the scene when Allie turns around and her eyes are black and empty. It’s an obvious reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I know Allie’s a fan of in real life, but it also looks great and has a clear narrative purpose. It shows us that this isn’t Allie wavering back and forth anymore. She’s not struggling against evil now. Allie’s lost, completely lost, and she’s going to stay lost until somebody saves her.

Meanwhile, In Guyville

The Lucha Bros Defeated The OGz

This match honestly felt like a bit of a mess, and I couldn’t really get into it. I love Fenix and Pentagon, but I don’t really find the OGz exciting in the ring, and the Lucha Bros ultimately just couldn’t make up for that. At least they won, and I’m curious to see if their moment with Konnan backstage leads to some kind of feud with LAX, who seemed a little taken aback that Penta and Fenix are also surrogate sons to their surrogate dad. If this somehow leads to Konnan in a shark cage, I can’t say I’d be sad.

Brian Cage Fought The Entire State Of Ohio

Technically this was an X-Division title match between Cage and Sami Callihan, which was held on Sami’s home turf at Rockstar Pro Wrestling in Dayton. That match ended pretty quickly in a DQ when one of the Crists attacked Cage. Then everyone attacked him, because apparently everyone in Ohio is built like an indie wrestler and they all do whatever Sami Callihan says. I always thought oVe was just three guys, but this segment implies a much larger organization that just doesn’t all leave the state for Impact tapings. It took about eight guys to get the better of Cage, but ultimately they did and he took the worst beating I’ve seen him take. It may not have been a realistic depiction of the Buckeye State, but it was a pretty good way to finally make Brian Cage seem vulnerable.

Moose Defeated Eddie Edwards

I’m not sure this feud is going anywhere interesting at this point, but wow that spot where Moose threw Eddie out of the ring and literally halfway across the ramp looked amazing. Ultimately though, if they want to get Moose across as a real heel, I think he needs a feud with a babyface who has never been his best friend. Then maybe we can really get a sense of what his new character is outside of anger at Eddie.

Eli Drake Had A Plan All Along

Eli Drake, it turns out, is a pretty smart guy. He never wanted to sue Impact, he just wanted to lure Joseph Park (the Corporate Kane to Abyss’s Demon Kane) into a false sense of security so he could take his revenge on the monster who put him through a table at Bound For Glory. When this angle first started with Eli hiring him, I wondered why they were only using Joseph Park, when if he’s around they could also be using Abyss, but here’s the answer! Abyss versus Eli Drake is obviously on its way very soon.

Johnny Impact Defeated Killer Kross To Retain The Impact World Championship

Killer Kross is turning out to be a really great heel. I particularly love his facial expressions in the ring. He’s that high school jock who can’t be bothered even as he’s bullying you: “Oh, did that hurt? Was it my fault? Do I care?” I don’t know if it was deliberate, but he did the exact opposite move to Johnny that his buddy Moose did to Eddie earlier — throwing him over the ropes and across the ring from the ramp. I think Kross could be a great Impact World Champion some day, but I don’t think he’s quite there yet as a character, which is why I was glad Johnny Impact managed to retain.

That’s all for this week’s Knockout Report. Join me next week, when we hopefully see more of Jordynne Grace and find out what’s to become of Allie.