Hello, and welcome to weekly Impact Wrestling coverage on With Spandex. And also welcome to me, LaToya Ferguson, your recapper and friend. Who loves ya, baby? Me, the person who gets down to the nitty and the especially gritty of Impact Wrestling every week — and sometimes twice on WrestleCon weekends — just for you. The nitty and gritty isn’t exactly the case for this particular show though. Instead, consider it a present from me to you. And ICYMI, you can watch it right here.
Now for some good housekeeping: You can follow me on Twitter here, With Spandex here, and Uproxx here. And don’t forget to watch Impact Wrestling on Pop at 8 pm on Thursdays so you can read these pieces and share them with the online world. That shouldn’t be too difficult, should it? By the way, thanks to this show, we now know Lucha Underground is back for a fourth season on June 13. There’s an early ACE right there.
ACE: Recorded In Front Of A Live Studio Audience
First of all, I mentioned in my previous recap that I spent a good portion of WrestleMania/WrestleCon weekend watching the Impact Wrestling Twitch stream. And I must say: It was a good choice. Hopefully they do this again next year.
While the “Chief Engineer” is the thing most people kept talking about during the stream, I personally got a huge kick out of The New Adventures Of Old Rosemary. In case you missed it, that “show” stars Rosemary — completely in character and on her way to get her palm read — and a cast of people (also in character, for the most part) she does not want to spend time with. Including her BFF “Bunny,” as Allie is just too chipper that morning for Rosemary to want anything to do with her. Then comes Sienna, who neither woman really wants around … but they just accept. On the other hand, they barely accept Andrew Everett at all, but he just doesn’t care. So before I get into the actual wrestling event, I just have to go through this:
- Allie spends this entire adventure eating the largest bag of Sour Patch Kids I have ever seen. She’s right that blue is the best flavor, but she’s wrong to ask Rosemary if she wants to eat some. Rosemary’s response? “No, Bunny. I will not be eating your sour children.”
- Allie also asks Rosemary if she can fly. There is a demonic Halpert face in response to this.
- Sienna holds her pinky up as they go down the escalator, because Sienna is classy.
- Once Andrew Everett joins them, he proceeds to spend the entire time trying to mack on Rosemary (as well as break the fourth wall).
- They cross paths with Deonna Purrazzo, Marty Scurll, and some other wrestlers … and then Rosemary immediately plays it off about how they just saw a bunch of strangers who “kinda” look like wrestlers, but that can’t be possible.
- We learn that Rosemary’s realm is actually a dry heat, not the humid heat of NOLA.
- Rosemary enters into wrestling canon that the female BIG DOG (or BIG DAWG) is dead. (But fun fact: You can watch her spirit on NXT, only on the WWE Network.) She also points out that’s because she put a hit out on all of these wrestling canines.
- We also learn that Rosemary might be a Horse Girl.
- Rosemary reaches a point where she wishes she could kill both the Bunny and the Skywalker (as she refers to Everett), but the Skunk grows on her during this adventure. Yes, it’s because she and Sienna are both just snarky jerks to Allie and Everett’s annoying positivity throughout.
- “I like everyone,” Allie says. Then Everett insults vegans, and she stops sharing her candy with him.
- Everett also thinks everyone in Detroit has been to jail at least once, so he doesn’t endear himself to Sienna either.
- The only reason Andrew Everett doesn’t eat some organic soap is because he remembers he has to wrestle on the Impact Wrestling versus Lucha Underground show.
- Sienna literally considers making a quick pit stop for booze, only for Rosemary to inform her that she actually has an appointment set up, and they are also technically at work.
- Sienna later just runs away from the group, in a moment that made me think she left to make that pit stop. Instead, she arrived at the palm reading place early for some possibly nefarious reasons.
- Once they’re done, Allie convinces them all to keep the camera they’re streaming with — and not make the hand-off to Josh Mathews — and take it with them to a vegan bakery instead. Simply because Josh Mathews always calls her “an Easter Egg” on commentary. I knew that would come back to bite him in the ass. Sadly, he does intercept them.
Unfortunately, the stream goes wonky when they actually get to the palm reader — I’m still not quite sure where Allie landed on accusing Sienna of foul play — but I can say there are some character-appropriate predictions (including a little more teasing about Rosemary’s love life) from this thing. It wasn’t about the destination anyway, it was about the journey.