Kurt Angle Will Break Your Ankles If You Don’t Pledge Your Vote To Rhyno

09.06.16 2 years ago 11 Comments

WWE Superstar Rhyno announced his candidacy for Michigan State Representative earlier this year. Running as a Republican presumably under the slogan “No no, not THAT Gore!” the ECW legend won his primary then celebrated by attacking Heath Slater on Smackdown later that night.

After receiving a rousing endorsement from ‘The Franchise’ Shane Douglas, Rhyno — running under his real name of Terrance Guido Gerin — turned to Olympic Gold Medalist and pro wrestling legend Kurt Angle for help securing votes ahead of the November election. Though Angle does nothing to explain Rhyno’s platform and definitely doesn’t mention his passion for public pools, nearly twisting your ankle off is both an aggressive and effective campaign strategy.

Can you even imagine what it’s like for anyone with even a tertiary knowledge of pro wrestling trying to canvas for Rhyno, though? “Hello, ma’am. Sorry to interrupt your gardening. I’m campaigning for Terrance Guido Gerin. You may remember him as Rhino from ECW. You know, the Man Beast? The literal human embodiment of an erect penis? The guy who tried to drown Sandman’s wife in a toilet? Anyways, he wants to help determine your state taxes for the next two years. Can we count on your vote?”

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