Let Paul Heyman Tell You Why Part-Timer Brock Lesnar Would Make The Perfect WWE Champion

Part-time pro wrestler Brock Lesnar is heading into WWE SummerSlam 2014 to face John Cena for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and for once, there’s a chance Cena will lose it. Cena’s workload of Tina Fey movies and Judd Apatow efforts may elevate his film career above the Fred franchise and distract him. Lesnar’s heading into his first match since conquering the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at WrestleMania. If Cena beats an Undertaker-beating Lesnar, what’s left?

A lot of folks (especially the folk on the Internet) aren’t happy with the idea of Lesnar — a performer with a limited number of dates and no guarantee he’ll show up between SummerSlam and the build to WrestleMania — being WWE’s champ. Lesnar’s manager Paul Heyman is happy with the idea, and the good news is that he’s an expert in explaining why he thinks what he thinks.

The “1 behind the 1 in 21-1” sat down with the Miami Herald on Friday to discuss his DVD, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, My Name is Paul Heyman,’ and spoke authoritatively on why Lesnar as champion makes sense. Warning: You may never think of part-timers the same way again.

“I don’t know if any of those critics of privy to an agreement Brock Lesnar may or may not have with WWE. So I don’t understand how anybody can credibly say this is what Brock Lesnar’s schedule is going to be when he becomes the WWE champion. Second, I think the WWE championship is the defended too often and lost some of the prestige because of the beast of monthly pay-per-views. The champion having to defend on every single pay-per-view, let alone at every single arena, has taken away from the special event that is when a champion defends the title.”

“Here is the best example I can give you. Why don’t we just do 12 WrestleMania events a year? I mean it’s the brand name in pay-per-view. You know people understand that WrestleMania means it’s something special and unique and doesn’t happen all the time. It’s can’t miss. Well, you can’t do 12 WrestleMania events a year because then you water-down WrestleMania, and it won’t mean as much on the rare occasion you present the brand name WrestleMania.”

“It’s the same with Brock Lesnar. If you present Brock Lesnar 52 weeks a year and you have Brock Lesnar defend the title 12 times a year, you’re losing money. You’re not making money because you are watering down the unique opportunity that the audience can have to see an once-in-a-lifetime athlete on the rare occasion that he dons the tights and laces up the boots and goes into the ring to beat people within an inch of their lives.”

“Plus, here is one more thing to consider. If Brock Lesnar were to work a full-time schedule he would wipe out the roster at once. There would be nobody left for him to fight. So how can people be clamoring for Brock Lesnar to be work a full-time schedule? Then you’ll have three hours of Brock and Paul Heyman sitting alone in a ring talking to each other because there would be nobody left for Brock Lesnar to conquer.”

Nailed it.

I also would’ve accepted “blood and urine and vomit.”