Sports
Daunte Culpepper to Resurrect the 49ers? – It’s weird to grow up during a time when a team is winning championships and everyone loves them, then fast forward twenty years and see those same people cheering for whoever wins now. I knew about 50 49ers fans when I was in elementary school, and I don’t know a damn one now. [Smoking Section]
I’m Here To Help You Guys: The KSK Fantasy/Sex Mailbag – Seeing somebody with the handle “Footsteps Falco” makes me revisit how terrible an idea it was to call myself “Brandon” on this blog. I should’ve picked something crazy and/or from Super Smash Brothers. Also, my real name is Jeff. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
John Gotty’s Top 20 Sneakers of All Time – Sneakers count as sports. My list would just be “Vans shoes, but those aren’t really sneakers” and “the blue and black Shaq shoes that looked like crap and were made out of the same sh*t they use to make snow shovels”. Oh, and British Knights. [Smoking Section]
The Rock Tweets a Photo from the Set of GI Joe 2 – Also technically not sports, watch as a living action figure pretending to be an action figure shows everybody what he looks like as an action figure. The results? He kinda looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin. [Moviefone]
With Leather
The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 8/15 – The new trend in Best and Worst of Raw feedback is to say “be careful you don’t do [random writing thing], or you’ll end up terrible like [other person who writes]”. One guy told me I was too much like Bill Simmons. Man, if I could get that rich and oblivious writing jokes about wrestling I’d do it in a heartbeat. [With Leather]
Jason Hatcher Gets Stuck In An Elevator – Nothing really happens, but the idea of a pro football player being so upset about an elevator malfunction that he repeatedly tweets about how he’s shaking his head is hilarious. This is a quick read, so flip through it. [With Leather]
JIM THOME POSSESSES 600 TATERS – I ALMOST WROTE PROSSESSED INSTEAD OF POSSESSED BUT DIDN’T THINK OUR READERSHIP WOULD BE THAT FAMILIAR WITH CASTLED VANIA. (yes, there is a Dugout about this on the way) [With Leather]
It Must Suck to Be Sergio Garcia – In addition to being as happy as Bill Simmons, my career goal as a blogger is to do something notable enough to have four orange, boney MILFs follow me around in public. It might put me through a second puberty. [With Leather]
Not Sports
Stacey Carosi Got Fired (And Bonus Kelly Kapowski GIF Collection) – My girlfriend loves “Saved By The Bell” so much that she owns the entire run of the show on DVD (including the College Years) but refuses to watch the beach episodes. She hates them, and rightfully argues that Saved By The Bell is stupid if they aren’t in school. So what I’m saying is Stacy can get f**ked. [Warming Glow]
Help Name Kevin Smith’s Fans! – There are some unbelievably fantastic choices in the comments for this, including “The People Who Always Look Like They’re Going To Comic Con” and “Ordinary Clown Posse”. My submission is “people I was friends with ten years ago”. [Film Drunk]
U.S. Presidents Have Never Been More Awesome Than in the Art of Jason Heuser – These are great, though I feel the world has been a little too influenced by that picture of Bea Arthur choking out a velociraptor. Now everything’s gotta be bad-ass and irreverent. Does anybody paint Abraham Lincoln these days if they AREN’T planning on making him fight monsters? [Gamma Squad]
10 Formerly Fat Actors Who Need to Go Back to Being Fat – Sara Rue should be on this list. I don’t care how confident you are about Jenny Craig, you were way cuter when you were chubby, and my copy of Gypsy 83 confirms it. [Pajiba]
