You’re just like a Yellow Submarine! Uh, overrated and conceived on acid?
Pre-show Notes:
– Well, share it up baby, now. Twist and shout. C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon…
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Hit the next page for your Main Event of the evening (er, afternoon)…
Best: Being Happy to See Adam Rose
Well, this is an unexpected emotion! Now that an easy win and smug partying isn’t automatically assumed, I’m kind of don’t mind seeing the Exotic Express hit the stage. Hell, Rose’s attacks on the Bunny have been getting progressively more violent – maybe we’ll break out the kendo sticks tonight?
Worst: Can Stardust Beat Anyone?
Oh, wait, sorry, Rose was facing Stardust, the most easily beaten man on the roster, so even though Rose is in the middle of a losing streak, he still won. Oh, and the Bunny helped with the win, so we didn’t even get some satisfying man-on-mascot violence. Sigh.
Not everything has to be some sort of endlessly drawn out will they or won’t they thing, WWE. Tyson Kidd and Natalya, Mark Henry and Big Show and now Adam Rose and his freakin’ Bunny – they’re on the same page one week, back off the next and when the big, definitive turn finally comes everyone is well past the point of caring. I never cared about the stupid Bunny in the first place. Adam Rose punching the Easter Bunny in the face is where the sizzle is, so let’s stop f*cking around and focus on that, okay?
Main Event Status: Can’t go higher than 5% for this battle of the losers.
Worst: Redundancies
Now that Alicia Fox is on Total Divas, can we finally free Cameron to pursue other endeavors? Don’t get me wrong, because I know somebody is going to try their hardest to be offended by this – I don’t, by any means, think there should be a limited number of slots of black Divas, but Cameron and Alicia occupy pretty much the exact same role, right? At least they do on regular WWE TV, and one of them (Alicia) is pretty good at it, while one definitely isn’t. Maybe Alicia will have a surprising, unique persona on Total Divas and maybe Cameron’s WWE character will take a left-turn and become something other than “the other sassy/aggresive girl who does axe-kicks and rarely wins”. I’ll give them a chance, but I’m not terribly optimistic.
I guess I’m just eager to embrace any excuse for getting rid of Cameron, because she seems to be getting worse by the week. This match was rotten. As with most Cameron matches, everything looked completely rote and over-rehearsed, and yet somehow half the moves were still botched. The finish was the most glaring evidence yet that nobody in charge in WWE actually watches Main Event, because there was no way it should have made air. Alicia hits a messed up backbreaker, then tries to go for an axe-kick, but Cameron is in the wrong position, crawling around like she’s looking for a lost contact, so Alicia runs up to her, stops dead with an incredulous look on her face, then just shrugs and puts Cameron out of her misery with a pretty legit-looking roll-up. At Alicia thought on her feet and didn’t try to awkwardly re-do the axe-kick, so, uh, that’s something.
Main Event Status: Both Alicia and Cameron are totally lost in the shuffle right now, and the match itself was a debacle, so I’m just going to call this one a wash and move on.
Best: Sami Zayn Matches Are Now A Regular Main Event Thing Apparently
What’s this? Another Sami Zayn match on Main Event? A part of me feels like they should stop thoughtlessly dumping Sami on the C-show – his main roster debut should be a big deal on Raw. On the other hand, I’m not going to kick another Sami Zayn/Tyson Kidd match out of bed for eating crackers.
This week’s match wasn’t as good as last week’s – it felt a bit more like a developmental special. Lots of arm-drags and headlocks and focusing on the fundamentals. The match also took place in England where the WWE Network doesn’t exist yet, so the fans weren’t quite as into Sami. That said, the match warmed up nicely towards the end, and they did a nice job of referencing the elaborate roll-up finish from last week’s match, which is such an NXT thing to do. Sami escaped the roll-up this time, but then Tyson used Nattie as a shield (according to Cole at least, I say he was just going for a hug) and got the win. So, we have a little story developing – Tyson beat Sami clean last week, but this week he needed to cheat and, hopefully, we get one more match in the series where Sami gets over his main roster butterflies, figures out Tyson’s tricks and wins.
Oh, a Best to Nattie for remembering her poppy.
That’s one way to keep me remembering.
Main Event Status: What did I give this match last week? 20%? Let’s go with that again.
Worst: Dean Ambrose vs. Justin Gabriel
Dean Ambrose is officially too big a deal for Main Event. Some guys like Cesaro or even Seth Rollins can still come down to the C-show and have a fun little exhibition, but a John Cena or Randy Orton would seem out of place. Apparently Ambrose is now breathing that rarefied air, because it felt odd to see him on Main Event, and his match was really nothing but a by the numbers squash.
Which is a shame, because Justin Gabriel is great, and I know a competitive match between him and Ambrose would be top-notch. But no, Ambrose just worked Gabriel over for 5-or-so minutes with a look of disinterest on his face, then put him away without fuss. If anything Ambrose should have put Gabriel away quicker, instead of stretching a minute-long squash to six minutes. At least the former would have been impactful.
Main Event Status: Dean Ambrose on Main Event! Granted it was bored, unmotivated Dean Ambrose, but I try not to be too judgmental when awarding these points. 50%.
Final Main Event Tally: A 75% Main Event tally this week. I think we’re kind of honing in on a good formula for Main Event – a Divas match, an NXT main roster try-out and one BIG STAR in a semi-competitive squash per episode. I’d drop the mind-numbing Star and/or Goldust singles matches, and it would be nice if the women’s matches were actually good, but still, it feels like this show is figuring out what it wants to be.
