The results are in! After a week of tumultuous voting arguments and two lengthy, analytical podcasts, we can safely declare the round one winners in the first annual With Leather Bad Wrestling Theme Lyrics March Madness Tournament. I say “annual” like we can do this more than once. Oh, and uh, I fixed the brackets.
Anyway, the tournament continues this week with round two action. A lot of the heavy hitters remain — American Males and its Devo + didgeridoos attempt at 80s rock, Billy Kidman’s weird, rapey rap song — as well as a few surprises. Who knew Chyna would lose so early?
The voting is open now, and you’ll have until next Tuesday, March 26, to make your voice heard. Here are the round two match-ups:
1. Undertaker – ‘You’re Gonna Pay’
“Nice guys, it’s said they always finish last. But bad asses always kicking asshole’s ass.”
9. Zack Ryder – ‘Radio’
“I’m gonna drink some beer tonight, YEAH! Gonna get some girls I like. I’m gonna wear my pants real tight. All the girls are gonna treat me … just right!”
5. ‘Mr. Ass’/Billy Gunn – ‘Ass Man’
“I love to love ’em. I love to kick ’em. I love to shove ’em. I love to stick ’em. Love to flaunt ’em. I love to watch ’em. I love to pick ’em. And I’m gonna kick ’em. ‘Cause I’m an Ass Man. Yeah, I’m an Ass Man. Yes, I’m an Ass Man. (OH!) I’m an Ass Man.”
4. Rey Mysterio – ‘619’
“Watcha’ gonna do when you’re on your back from my mean body slam? Aww damn, you’re whack.”
6. Buff Bagwell – ‘Buff Daddy’
“Buff Daddy. I’m Buff Daddy. Buff Daddy. Buff is the stuff. Buff…… Daddy. I’m simply delicious. Buff Daddy. Buff Daddy. Buff…… Daddy. I’m so sexy.”
3. American Males – ‘American Males’
“AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES!”
7. Kaitlyn – ‘Spin The Bottle’
“So why don’t you spin the bottle? Spin it right around, but aim it towards me now. Yeah, why don’t you come and spin the bottle? Push it one degree so it will point at me, ‘cause I just want to be your supermodel.”
2. Layla – ‘Insatiable’
“I’m insatiable, I can’t get enough. I need to find a boy!”
1. AJ Styles – ‘I Am’
“When I fly, it’s not evil. It’s just like being Evil Knievel. I jump to the left and I roll to the right, because I try to win the belt every night!”
9. John Cena – ‘My Time Is Now’
“I got the whole block wishin’ they could run with my division but they gone fishin’ with no bait, kid your boy hold weight. I got my soul straight. I brush your mouth like Colgate.”
5. Jeff Jarrett – ‘My World’
“He ain’t dead, he ain’t The Rock. Don’t wanna hear your big mouth off.”
13. X-Factor – ‘What’chu Lookin’ It’
“I’ve got everything i ever wanted and I’ll never give that back. Oh I know you hate [X-Factor] but you ain’t gotta look at me like that I say you ain’t gotta look at me like that.”
6. Billy Kidman – ‘You Can Run’
”Keep acting tough, it’s gonna get creepy. All of a sudden you startin’ to feel sleepy. But in these streets when you doze off you wake up with your clothes off. It’s a shame feeling so lost.”
14. Strike Force – ‘Girls In Cars’
“They pass you on the road with a smile and you have to look twice, and you wonder to yourself could a woman really look that nice. Mmmm, girls in cars, girls in cars … I love girls in cars, girls in cars.”
10. 2 Cold Scorpio – ‘2 Cold Scorpio’
“Who’s his opponent, he don’t care. Like the Gulf War, brother, he attacks from the air!”
2. Funaki – ‘Kung Fu San’
“Fu Naki likes to, fish for croppie while he listens, to Pavarotti. Heard he tried to be, a rap disc jockey. Didn’t work out, moved to Abu Dhabi. Guess the rest is, histor-aty. But my memory, a little bit groggy.”
