The first ever With Leather Bad Wrestling Theme Lyrics March Madness Tournament is almost over, which is … probably good, considering that MARCH is almost over, but work with us here.
We’re down to the Elite Eight: Undertaker, Mr. Ass, Layla, the American Males, AJ Styles, Jeff Jarrett, Kung Fu Naki and Billy Kidman. Only one theme can reign supreme as the possessor of the worst lyrics in pro wrestling entrance theme history, and it’s up to you to decide which theme that’ll be. You know the drill by now: check out the match-ups, give the songs another listen, consider the horribleness of Funaki’s memory being a “little bit grog-gay” or whatever and vote in the polls at the bottom of each page.
Votes for this round will be tallied on Tuesday, which means you have until Monday, April 1 to make your voice heard. These are the tournament’s big guns, so I want to hear a lot of pointed discussion about assholes asses and picking asses and … other things about asses.
Your Elite Eight match-ups:
ASS BATTLE
1. Undertaker – ‘You’re Gonna Pay’
“Nice guys, it’s said they always finish last. But bad asses always kicking asshole’s ass.”
5. ‘Mr. Ass’/Billy Gunn – ‘Ass Man’
“I love to love ’em. I love to kick ’em. I love to shove ’em. I love to stick ’em. Love to flaunt ’em. I love to watch ’em. I love to pick ’em. And I’m gonna kick ’em. ‘Cause I’m an Ass Man. Yeah, I’m an Ass Man. Yes, I’m an Ass Man. (OH!) I’m an Ass Man.”
SEXUAL AGGRESSION BATTLE
3. American Males – ‘American Males’
“AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES!”
2. Layla – ‘Insatiable’
“I’m insatiable, I can’t get enough. I need to find a boy!”
BAD COMPARISONS BATTLE
1. AJ Styles – ‘I Am’
“When I fly, it’s not evil. It’s just like being Evil Knievel. I jump to the left and I roll to the right, because I try to win the belt every night!”
5. Jeff Jarrett – ‘My World’
“He ain’t dead, he ain’t The Rock. Don’t wanna hear your big mouth off.”
WTF GUYS BATTLE
6. Billy Kidman – ‘You Can Run’
”Keep acting tough, it’s gonna get creepy. All of a sudden you startin’ to feel sleepy. But in these streets when you doze off you wake up with your clothes off. It’s a shame feeling so lost.”
2. Funaki – ‘Kung Fu San’
“Fu Naki likes to, fish for croppie while he listens, to Pavarotti. Heard he tried to be, a rap disc jockey. Didn’t work out, moved to Abu Dhabi. Guess the rest is, histor-aty. But my memory, a little bit groggy.”