https://youtu.be/GG6y-5OYc_0
On its Tuesday night broadcast, Impact Wrestling took a detour to Cameron, North Carolina for their main event. Matt Hardy has been slowly but surely going off the rails for quite some time, and it all came to a head during The Final Deletion. If you thought a man willingly wearing embroidered silk cargo pants in the ring couldn’t get a any nuttier, boy howdy you are so wrong.
The set-up doesn’t require much explanation. The beauty of people flocking to The Final Deletion is that they weren’t required to be Impact Wrestling fans or know exactly what had transpired up until this point to understand that Matt Hardy really, really wants to kill his brother in his backyard surrounded by tiki torches for their son’s birthday. I mean, we’ve all totally been there, right?
We’re not going to make any attempt at a critical analysis (though lord knows there’s room for it). Besides, one member of the Uproxx team feuding with Matt Hardy is more than enough. As such, we’re just going to take it as it is: a ridiculous, completely bananas pro wrestling event that has more than enough fun, stupid sh*t for everyone to enjoy. Also: drone fights!
Senor Benjamin
Oh, Senor Benjamin. Matt Hardy’s faithful gardener was easily the breakout star of the show. Not only did he “prepare the battlefield for a massacre,” and attack Willow (yes, Willow!) in an effort to save his boss, Senor Benjamin gifted Maxel Hardy what is obviously the best gift of all…
An Extraordinary Xylophone!
Thanks, Ben.
Everything That’s Happening With Matt Hardy’s Face
Not only has Matt Hardy adopted a ludicrous accent (would also accept a Ludacris accent if we’re being really real), but his frenetic facial expressions are…definitely a thing that’s happening. Behold:
https://twitter.com/SenorLARIATO/status/750664316756619264
https://twitter.com/SenorLARIATO/status/750666282857627650
Now that’s a dude who’s way into yard work. Speaking of…
Jeff Hardy’s Stupid Lawn
As part of his revenge, Matt tries to destroy Jeff Hardy’s lawn that he’s willfully made to look like that. Facial expressions aside, jeez, Jeff. Really? Alright, man. You do you.*
https://twitter.com/BrianPickett/status/750515408860479488
*Also the alternate title to The Final Deletion.
HOLOGRAM DRONES
In order to lure Jeff to his backyard murder playground, Matt sends an army of drones to his house. Not just drones: HOLOGRAM DRONES:
https://twitter.com/Lagana/status/750509621215895552
Bonus points for Jeff totally kabonging one with a guitar. You can take the Jeff Jarrett out of TNA, but you…can’t actually. That dude is there forever.
Matt Hardy Flat Out Admitting He’s Gonna Kill His Brother
So the referee shows up to a flaming backyard wrestling murder palace, and Matt tells him not to resuscitate Brother Nero. Just straight up tells him he’s gonna murder his brother and the ref is like “yeah, man, sure, whatevs, nbd.” I…I feel that may not be the appropriate reaction from an impartial referee.
The Summoning
https://twitter.com/LegKickTKO/status/750565187674046464
Alright, so that’s not actually what Matt Hardy played, but my god, imagine if it were? Matt summoning Jeff on his dirt bike with an aggressive violin solo feels like the wrestling version of Bill Pullman’s intense saxophone scene from Lost Highway and I am INTO IT. Though really I think we all know that crappy alt rock and a bucket of facepaint is how you REALLY summon a Hardy.
How Do You Learn To Fall Out Of A 20-Foot Tree?
One criticism that has been lobbed at The Final Deletion is that it’s simply an overly theatrical backyard wrestling match that is momentarily entertaining, but may not actually draw fans back in next week. While that’s totally fair, it’s also a totally bonkers backyard wrestling match, and why the hell not? The Hardys got their start wrestling in backyards, and time is a flat circle and then you shoot fireworks at that circle on national television. The Hardys have jumped and flipped and swanton-ed off of everything imaginable: cages, arenas, turnbuckles, ladders, tables, whatever. Now Jeff is using actual trees because of course he is:
The Fireworks Factory
At one point, Matt Hardy chases Jeff around shooting roman candles at him as Jeff screams “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?” In that moment, we are all Jeff Hardy.
A Dilapidated Boat
A dilapidated boat!
The Willow!
“Impact Wrestling lets Matt and Jeff f*ck around for twenty minutes because shrug emoji” is perhaps best highlighted by the appearance of Willow, Jeff’s stripey, umbrella-wielding alter ego. If you don’t remember the insane fever dream that was THE WILLOW, take a moment and relive this little bit of pro wrestling magic.
Everything Is On Fire And Nothing Hurts, Nope Wait Everything Hurts
Jeff climbs atop a giant wooden version of his sigil, which ultimately proves to be his undoing. After the ghost of Reby Sky hands Matt Maxel’s birthday candle, he lights the sigil on fire causing Jeff to fall. Matt also totally sets himself on fire because that’s what happens when you fight in a backyard with a sh*t referee.
So what did YOU think of The Final Deletion? Did you love it? Hate it? Are you seriously concerned for Senor Benjamin’s well being? Let us know in the comments below!
