First came The Final Deletion, a glimpse into the madness and mayhem of the #Broken Matt Hardy universe. That small window opened up into an elaborate saga of fireworks fights, a lake of ressurrection, and a beautiful friendship between a plucky gardener and a sassy sentient drone.
Halloween has come to the Hardy compound, bringing with it a cavalcade of small children, political candidates, strange visitors, and a mysterious portent of potential doom. Oh, and Shane Helms.
The holiday spectacular kicks off with the family enjoying a nice, normal exploration of Senor Benjamin’s corn maze. I mean, who doesn’t have their own personal gluten-free labyrinth in their backyard?
“Sorry mom, I’ll have to call you back later. I’m busy trying to screencap Jeff Hardy eating a raw cob of corn.”
It’s all fun and games until Matt Hardy has a premonition warning of a visitor to the compound. They all head back to the house to put on their Game of Thrones costumes and like, do a bunch of cocaine probably.
Children begin to arrive to collect their Halloween treats. Matt refuses to give them candy that will poison their vessels, and instead gives them green beans. One little kid is extremely disappointed, but screw him, green beans are GREAT.
https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/791801657382232064
This may actually be my new favourite scene from all of the Hardy vignettes thus far, which is amazing considering I hate children but love robots who have feelings. I mean, check out this tiny girl dressed as a giant box of donuts:
If she’s not revealed to be one of the Seven Dieties I will burn this place to the motherf*cking ground.
The night wouldn’t be complete without everyone shaming Hurricane Helms’s existence, and the return of Itchweeed, a ressurrected element of Jeff Hardy’s past made of all the drugs.
Itchweeed has exactly the political opinions you think he would, but this is Senor Benjamin and Vanguard 1’s time to shine.
https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/791814528941993984
What a glorious treasure of a human being Senor Benjamin is. His BFF Forever didn’t disappoint either:
He’s a GHOST. And he’s wearing SUNGLASSES. There’s literally no way any little kid is that cool.
The night is winding down, but not before a SPOOKY STRANGER shows up with a message for the Hardys. Now…look. I know these masked men probably spell doom and gloom, but that weirdo kid just handed them a free iPad. Y’all can afford iPads but not better masks? Or is that where the money went? Is intimidation via expensive tech the ultimate power move? “We treat iPads like disposable garbage WHOA WHAT WILD AND CRAZY THING WILL WE DO NEXT??? *makes mysterious and spooky hand gestures*”
Let’s hope we don’t have to wait too long to find out.
