Pre-show notes:
– You can watch this episode on Hulu here, or on WWE’s YouTube channel here.
– Be sure you’ve read the Best and Worst of NXT season 1, the Best and Worst of NXT season 2 and what we’ve done so far in the Best and Worst of season 3. Only three episodes to go after this one, and then it’s DIRTY CURTY TIME.
– Follow us on Twitter at @WithSpandex, follow me at @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.
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Please click through for the Best and Worst of WWE NXT season 3, episode 10.
Worst: Sudden Naomi, And The Problem With The Goldust/Aksana Marriage Angle
On last week’s episode, Goldust married his rookie Aksana so she could get a green card and stay in the country to live her dreams or whatever. Ted DiBiase Jr. tries to break it up a few times to get back his Million Dollar Championship belt, but the couple weathers the storm and ties the knot … only for Aksana to slap Goldust before the kiss. The hook is that Aksana has what she wants so she’s done playing nice.
That’s all well and good, but here’s the problem: there’s no way to resolve it.
I mean, Goldust could probably corral a bunch of NXT footage and take it to the authorities and be all, “hey, this lady’s a jerk who used me, deport her back to Meepos,” but then HE’D get in trouble too. It was his idea to have a sham marriage in the first place. But seriously, what can he do? Kick Aksana’s ass? They aren’t going to have 6-foot-6 Goldust attack a barely-trained Lithuanian girl from behind with a lead pipe and set up a cage match. He can’t even coach one of the other rookie Divas to get revenge on his behalf, because she was his rookie. The others are taken. He can’t go fish Jamie Keyes out of the garbage and cover her in star glitter.
The resolution they come up with is Naomi showing up and going NUH UH, I WANT A MATCH WITH YOU TONIGHT. That’s it. An unrelated third party steps in to get Wrestling Revenge, and Goldust just has to go “YEAH~!” and pump his fist like he’s accomplished something. It’s one of those situations where “Goldust gets married” SEEMS like an awesome storyline, but yeah, stories have to continue after the swerve. Wrestling’s never really figured that out.
Supplemental Best for Aksana going full Balki with “don’t be re-dick-o-lous.”
Best: The Rookie Diva Arm Wrestling Challenge
Results:
1. Aksana defeated AJ, because AJ has matchstick arms and the leverage advantage of a puddle.
2. Kaitlyn defeated Naomi, because Naomi had to use her arms and not her prehensile butt.
3. Non-Tournament match: Michael Cole defeated Freddy Krueger.
4. Kaitlyn defeated Aksana by disqualification when Aksana wouldn’t stop trying to pull her hair. Technically, though, Kaitlyn won the contest two seconds into her first round match by doing the Over The Top hat switch. For more information:
NXT season 3: It’s WAY over the top!
Best: The Famous AVAST VIRUS DATABASE Match
The first match of the episode is AJ Lee against Nikki Bella. It’s ripped from today’s headlines: AJ’s trying hard to put on a good wrestling match and Nikki’s trying too hard (and failing) to get over some loosely-related story about twin dissension where Brie’s supposed to be costing her a match, but nobody really knows what’s going on. Seriously, the finish of the match is Nikki hanging out on the apron, Brie sorta pawing at her leg for 30 seconds, Primo repeatedly wandering around the corner to go HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING and use his eyelids to scream DO THE F*CKING FINISH OF THE MATCH until AJ rolls Nikki up for the distraction win. It’s basically the last six months of Divas storytelling.
But who cares about ANY of that because this is one of the most famous matches in NXT history. If you’ve never seen it before, here you go:
*BING* Avast Virus Database has been updated!
I’m gonna consider this the NXT debut of Solomon Crowe.
Last Night On Raw: WHAT WILL JOHN CENA DO??
We’re heading into PAPER JAMZ Presents WWE Survivor Series, and John Cena’s faced with a dilemma. He’s the special guest referee for the Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett Championship Match. As an unwilling member of The Nexus, does he help Wade Barrett win with a fast count and save his job, even though it means disrespecting every legendary wrestler who has held the WWE Championship? Or does he do the right thing, let Randy Orton win and lose his job? It’s FREE OR FIRED for John Cena, and he’s so bent out of shape about it.
Spoiler alert: Cena cheats to help ORTON win and gets fired, but because he’s John Cena he just keeps showing up to every episode to do whatever he’d normally do until he’s rehired. Wade Barrett becomes a joke forever. Hahaha I’m just kidding, there’s no way this is the actual finish of the match. I don’t remember what happens.
Best/Worst: The High School Photo Challenge
The next challenge asks the Divas to identify high school-age pictures of current WWE Superstars. As Cole mentions, this is the easiest thing in the world. Some of these guys are fresh out of high school. Jack Swagger’s teen photo looks like 30-year old Jack Swagger put on a jacket. Teen Eve Torres is just regular Eve with bad teenage makeup. “ROOKIE DIVAS, CAN YOU NAME THIS ENORMOUS, SCOWLING, BALD BLACK GENTLEMAN STANDING NEAR A BUNCH OF WEIGHTS?” The only difficult one for the group is Jerry Lawler, whom Katilyn identifies as “Cody Rhodes” despite it being in black and white.
Jump to the tiebreaker question, though, because it’s adorable. 3:10. Kaitlyn and AJ try to force themselves in front of each other to see the TitanTron, then fight like siblings to try to keep the other from answering. It’s PRECIOUS. When it’s over, AJ hugs Kaitlyn and puts her leg up on her hip, and a generation of wrestling fans who loved the under-the-radar, pre-Crisis Chickbusters get wistful as hell.
Me RN:
Worst: Let’s Immediately Destroy That Feeling
The next segment is Vickie Guerrero and Kaitlyn backstage, arguing about who Dolph Ziggler is “done with.” Kaitlyn says Vickie has a big ass (note: their asses are exactly the same size) and they fight in catering. Hey WWE, here’s a sentiment you’d never read or agree with: women have more emotions than “happy to be looked at” and “jealousy,” and it’d be really cool if we got to see them more often.
Worst: And … That’s It?
The main event isn’t bad, necessarily. Aksana continues to be way better of an in-ring performer than I remember, hitting Naomi with a pretty boss “whoops I also ran the ropes a step behind you” lariat and flipping her over. Naomi’s the same kind of good athlete who may or may not be good at wrestling she’s always been. The finish, though, is Naomi going for a bunch of jumping kicks and getting about 15% of them to connect. Aksana goes down, Naomi pins her, and … is that it? Is that the end of the Aksana storyline?
I know we only have three episodes left and one of these ladies isn’t long for the world, but it feels weird to build a green card marriage storyline around a Goldust and Ted DiBiase feud only to blow it off with Aksana losing easily to an unrelated eighth party.
I’m sure this is all handled with grace on the next episode, and nobody falls asleep or takes a phone call in the middle of it.
