Modern day wrestling fandom and wrestling journalism are both built on a foundation of rampant speculation. It’s Friday afternoon, so what better things do we have to be doing?
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson teased a new project he’s got in the works, cleverly titled “Project Rock:”
The language makes it seem like some kind of new fitness and well-being endeavor, but it’s even less fun to talk about the idea of working out than it is to actually do it. As such, here are five things we hope it will be instead:
1. Project Rock: Candyass Ghost Hunter
Can these restless spirits handle a rock bottom back to hell? Watch as The Rock travels across the country, checking into every haunted SmackDown Hotel he can find, and checking out their meddlesome jabroni ghosts. Watch The Rock and newly certified paranormal expert Mark Wahlberg drop the People’s Elbow on these pesky poltergeists.
2. Project Rock: Rock The Runway
In a fresh take on a television classic. Twelve designers will compete for the exclusive chance to dress The Rock for his next upcoming seven* movie premieres. Each week, they must design functional yet fashionable garments for The Rock’s Attitude Era cohorts, such as a designer tactical vest for camping and hunting with Steve Austin. This includes a special Christmas episode to remember where the unconventional challenge is to make a sexy Divas outfit from Mick Foley’s old Santa-patterned shirts.
*This number is estimated, but also extremely likely.
3. Project Rock: Rock For All Ages
The Rock has a new kids movie about to premiere, and what better way to expand his brand than by performing the first single from the movie soundtrack? The Rock enlists the help of your favorite PG WWE Superstars to fill out his backing band. Heath Slater on drums. The Bella Twins on backing vocals. Corporate Kane on the lap steel guitar. J&J Security on dueling tambourines. Can Dwayne convince them to ignore their differences so they can come together to create an all-ages pop-rock smash? You know… for the kids?
4. Project Rock: Rock, Paper, Scissors, CRAFT!
In anticipation of his upcoming kids project Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Jacked*, The Rock is launching a multi-mixed-media craft experience designed to teach kids the value of taking a little bit of time every day to explore their creative sides. Projects include friendship bracelets, how to make the perfect pie crust (with parental supervision, of course), and how to make your own Play-Doh. Sadly, the section on wood-burning your own nameplate to hang on your bedroom door had to be cut due to the legal team advising the ghostwriters that they’re totally unnecessary because it doesn’t matter what your name is.
*This is not real, but it probably should be.
5. Project Rock: Roman Reigns
Yeah… this one might go a few seasons.
