WWE WrestleMania 33, aka WrestleMania Sun (not really), aka THE ULTIMATE THRILL-RIDE airs this Sunday, April 3, live on WWE Network and pay-per-view. WWE’s biggest show of the year features 13 announced matches over an entire day of sports-entertainment, featuring championship matches for nearly every championship in the company — sorry, Usos! — The Undertaker taking on Roman Reigns, John Cena and Nikki Bella teaming up against The Miz and Maryse, and more.
Here’s the complete WrestleMania card as we know it.
WWE WrestleMania 33 Card:
1. WWE Championship Match: Bray Wyatt (c) vs. Randy Orton
2. WWE Universal Championship Match: Goldberg (c) vs. Brock Lesnar
3. The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns
4. John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse
5. Non-Sanctioned Match: Triple H vs. Seth Rollins
6. Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles
7. Raw Women’s Championship Elimination Match: Bayley (c) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax
8. United States Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Kevin Owens
9. Intercontinental Championship Match: Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Baron Corbin
10. Raw Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Ladder Match: The Club (c) vs. Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs. Cesaro and Sheamus
11. The 4th Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
12. Smackdown Women’s Championship: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. all available Smackdown women
13. Cruiserweight Championship Kickoff Match: Neville (c) vs. Austin Aries
As always, we’re here with our complete rundown of the card, featuring analysis and predictions for all 13 — whew — matches. Make sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know what you think will happen, and which wrestler will get on the little roller coaster on the stage. Shane McMahon, right?
Cruiserweight Championship Kickoff Match: Neville (c) vs. Austin Aries
What Should Happen: The WWE cruiserweight division still needs its Brian Pillman vs. Jushin Liger moment, right? A match that elevates the division in the eyes of casual fans, and officially sets the tone for what the company and roster’s going for by opening a big show with a statement match. If anybody’s going to do that, it’s two veterans working overtime to prove themselves after years of probably not having to actually prove themselves to anyone.
Neville has a renewed sense of purpose, and has been almost single-handedly pulling the division up by his bootstraps. Aries failed upward into a WrestleMania spot with an injury, working his way through color commentary to let audiences get to know him, and now he’s just destroying dudes in the ring. I don’t think it’s time for Neville to lose yet, especially not on a pre-show, but I’m really looking forward to this, and I hope they tear off the large area where a roof should be.
What Will Happen: Gonna stay optimistic about this one and hope they get to do some good, meaningful work, even if that means four minutes between video packages in front of 1/5 the crowd. Hoping Neville gets the duke, and Aries gets more time to put in the work and get people behind him.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – Really, really looking forward to this. Neville doesn’t need this title and Aries would be an incredible centerpiece for the Purple brand. Aries takes this and hopefully the crowd gets some of the flips and spots that the term ‘cruiserweight’ implies.
Scott Heisel – Regardless of who wins, we will 100 percent see a rematch the following night. So, let’s say Neville retains here with Austin Aries getting the win in front of the hottest crowd of the year 24 hours later.
Danielle Matheson – Love this lilliputian match-up. Neville retains, and then him, Aries, and the rest of the cruiserweights team up to tie up Big Show so he doesn’t win the battle royal later.
Chris Trew – Neville, after winning this match, starts walking to the ring with a crown as well as the belt. He’s so unstoppable he is forced to wrestle while wearing a crown which he does. Then a robe. Then a scepter. This last one is not well thought-out because he just uses the scepter and wins all his matches.
Justin Donaldson – I would love to have high hopes for this match but there is just no telling what will happen. It could be less than five minutes long. They could cut to commercials for WrestleMania during it. It could get bumped to that morning at Axxess. No matter what form it takes, I see Neville holding onto the belt.
Bill Hanstock – It seems like Austin Aries is destined to win this one, but I can also definitely see Neville retaining and giving the feud a bit more legs. It’s going to be great though, and if Aries busts out a brainbuster/450 combo at WrestleMania, I am definitely going to lose my shit.
Smackdown Women’s Championship: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. all available Smackdown women
What Should Happen: This was originally on the pre-show but reportedly got bumped up to WrestleMania proper, so that’s a good sign. Like the Cruiserweight Championship match, this one should be full of people who want to make a name for themselves and show everyone what they’ve got at the biggest show of the year. The Smackdown women’s division is on the cusp of really being something special — at least better than Raw’s claustrophobic group — and Naomi is getting a WrestleMania match in front of a hometown crowd, so you’ve got to right the wrong of the injury title change and let her come out on top. This show doesn’t look like it’s going to have many feel-good moments on it, so that’s an easy one.
What Will Happen: If not that, the most fun booking idea (I believe) is to have Alexa Bliss retain. The best way to use these “every available opponent” scenarios (or gauntlet matches) is to have the champion win and boast about how they’ve now beaten EVERYONE, except WHOOPS, here comes one more entrant. Asuka, anyone? Madusa, maybe? Surprise Trish Stratus? I don’t know, but Bliss retaining is the fun option for me.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – Give the crowd a feel good preshow and let Naomi win back the title she NEVER REALLY LOST. Glad all of these ladies are getting a chance to shine, but Naomi vs Mickie one on one could have been doooope.
Scott Heisel – Up until Naomi’s return on Smackdown this week, I thought that Alexa would for-sure retain, a la AJ at WrestleMania 30, and then get wrecked the following Tuesday by a debuting Asuka, a la AJ and Paige the night after WrestleMania 30. However, now that the one-time Funkadactyl is back in the picture (and getting honest-to-god “NA-O-MI!” chants on Smackdown to boot), I gotta figure the belt is going back around her waist. And you know what? Good. She deserves to have an actual run with the title, not one that ends before it even began because of injury.
Danielle Matheson – I am perfectly happy with Alexa Bliss retaining, though Naomi is the feel good story and it’s her hometown, so, y’know. Ideal scenario is Mickie James comes in and absolutely wrecks house with those weird bedskirt tights and gets a title run. Yeah, I want that. Let’s do that thing.
Chris Trew – It’s as simple as ABC. Alexa Bliss Championship. (Sorry)
Justin Donaldson – Naomi all the way. She was my pick to win even before she came back on Tuesday. It’s the perfect feel good moment for the kickoff show.
Bill Hanstock – This was going to be absolutely impossible to pick, until Naomi returned on Smackdown. Now, unless someone totally insane like Asuka or Ruby Riot or Paige or somebody shows up, this is Naomi’s time to shine. Er, glow.
The 4th Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
What Should Happen: Braun Strowman vs. Big Show is your story. The smart call is to put Braun over, preferably in an exciting, extended one-on-one ending sequence a la Undertaker and Shawn Michaels in the Royal Rumble. Braun should’ve gotten a marquee match at WrestleMania for the work he’s been putting in. Show’s evergreen, and is in the battle royal because Shaq chickened out or doesn’t work Sundays or whatever. Braun all the way. Then a year of Braun being every good thing Big Show should’ve been in his prime. I mean, without a Dungeon of Doom.
Or Hell, WITH a Dungeon of Doom.
What Will Happen: I wish Sami Zayn could pull it off to give him a big moment at WrestleMania, but he’s Sami Zayn, which means “no.” Braun should take it anyway. Seriously, why would you give this to anyone but Braun Strowman? He should win the next five, even if he’s got singles matches later.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – My wife gets angry because Tyler is A. wasting his time in this match and B. not winning it.
Scott Heisel – I already have the following tweet in my drafts, ready to go at approximately 6:52 p.m. ET this Sunday: “Congratulations @BraunStrowman on winning the 4th Annual #AndreTheGiant Memorial #BattleRoyal! @WWE #MonsterAmongMen #PleasePutMyTweetOnTV”
Danielle Matheson – At this point we’re making the predictions without knowing all of the entrants, so please can it be Mark Henry? You’ve been so mean to him, just give him a nice thing.
Chris Trew – If I had to choose between the big tall guys or the field I would take the field because Sami Zayn is in the field and his name belongs on a trophy. I’m also fantasy booking a Sami Zayn vs. The Big Show and Braun Strowman handicap match on Raw where someone important shows up to team with Sami.
Justin Donaldson – My pick is Sami. I think Braun Strowman will get his big moment by throwing out The Big Show, but ultimately it will be Sami who figures out a way to win.
Bill Hanstock – BRAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
Raw Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Ladder Match: The Club (c) vs. Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs. Cesaro and Sheamus
What Should Happen:
What Will Happen: Enzo Amore got seriously injured going through the ropes once, so I’m not looking forward to watching him try to get up, around and off of ladders. Also, Sheamus is gonna start bleeding from the eyebrow about 20 seconds in. If they can get through these two things without repeatedly stopping the match and checking on everyone, it should be great. You know, especially if the Boyz show up. Throw the Young Bucks in there too while we’re at it. Kidding.
If I’m picking a winner, I say Enzo gets his fingertips on the belts, but gets Magically Killed off the ladder or something and Da Club retains. Gotta have them holding the Tag Team Championship when the Balor Club starts up on Monday, right?
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – As much as I need the Club to look strong in my head, my heart lurves Cesaro and Sheamus. Those dudes should always have straps. So, one of those two teams wins and then Big Cass finds a barbershop window to toss Enzo through a window.
Scott Heisel – Awarding the tag titles to Enzo and Cass seems like a nice way to say, “Thanks for keeping WWEShop well in the black for the past 12 months,” so I’ll go with that.
Danielle Matheson – Poor Enzo is gonna be tossed around like a tennis ball in the dryer and I am into it. Cesaro and Sheamus will get the belts because Kevin Owens killing friendship made me die a little inside and I need my precious muscle boys to make me believe in something again.
Chris Trew – Putting a heavy amount of dollars on The Club winning this match then coughing up the straps to Enzo and Big Cass the next night on Raw. Ask me how I’m doing Tuesday morning and I’ll tell you – I’m very, very rich.
Justin Donaldson – This could be the sleeper hit of the show. I’m going with Enzo and Cass. Maybe Enzo stands on Cass’ shoulders to grab the belt. I don’t think we’ll see the Hardys until Monday but we’ll probably see a lot of delete chants from the crowd.
Bill Hanstock – If Enzo and Cass are ever going to win their first tag titles, it’s at WrestleMania.I’m also NOT picking the Hardys to show up until the next night’s Raw at the very earliest. The only shame here is that the Smackdown tag titles are apparently … OBSOLETE.
Intercontinental Championship Match: Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Baron Corbin
What Should Happen: According to interviews and, I don’t know, messages sent on the wind, Dean Ambrose wanted to do a crazy, memorable hardcore match with Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania 32 and Lesnar was like, “nah, I’m gonna German you a few times and throw you on some chairs and we’re going home.” So what should happen is that Ambrose should do the match he wanted to do with Lesnar with Corbin, who is hungry and probably wouldn’t mind being attacked with a chainsaw.
What Will Happen: It’s nice to see the Intercontinental Championship defended at WrestleMania in an Actual Match. I’m hoping that prediction for the match comes true, but either way I’m picking Ambrose to retain. Maybe Corbin will throw him around enough (or into chairs once) to get the begrudging post-match respect. OR MAYBE WOLVES WILL ATTACK. Do a Kennel from Hell match between them at Backlash with wolves instead of dogs.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – Can this match start with Luke Harper just taking Corbin’s place? Luke Harper beats Ambrose in the middle of the year and we begin the wrestling new year with Wyatt Family champions. Or Dean DDTs Corbin and retains.
Scott Heisel – While WWE has changed plenty in the past decade in terms of acceptable body types, WrestleMania will always be a land of giants. Enjoy looking at the lights, Deano.
Danielle Matheson – Love this loser has to give up the ghost and give in to their male pattern baldness match. Corbin will win, and I will send him many helpful articles on how to buy pants to flatter your shape.
Chris Trew – I’m a fan of Baron Corbin as long as he doesn’t ride a motorcycle to the ring. I said this same thing about Dean Ambrose and blue jeans and, well, look where we are now.
Justin Donaldson – No matter how they integrate a forklift into it, this should be a fun match. I see Baron Corbin walking away with the belt. Winning the IC title one year after debuting at WrestleMania is a good rub for the lone wolf. Plus Dean has turned into one of those characters who doesn’t seem to be affected by wins or losses, so no harm no foul if he drops the belt.
Bill Hanstock – Last year, Barry C won The Dré in his first night on the main roster. This year, Barry C wins the Intercontinental title in his second WrestleMania. Next year, he tells New Orleans to go back to Mardi Gras and, I dunno, piledrives Brock Lesnar straight to hell.
United States Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Kevin Owens
What Should Happen: Owens wins, Jericho gets a moment of post-match redemption and heads off to spend the summer being a rock star. Owens defends the United States Championship against Sami Zayn at Payback because their rivalry is over and they’re never wrestling again!
What Will Happen: A lot of the matches on the card could be good, but this is the one with the best story. Nothing’s emotionally moved us as much as Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens over the past few months, so if the match isn’t the greatest, it can have the greatest impact. I want a full-on END OF AN ERA Triple H/Undertaker style emotional showdown between these guys. The hateful jerk in me also kinda wants to see Jericho lose after getting hit in the face with a clipboard. Owens all the way.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – I’ve got to assume that Jericho is really excited about putting Kevin Owens over to bring ‘best friends’ to a close. Honestly not sure what to expect out of this amtch, other than it being great. Owens wins with a ring apron powerbomb and Chris takes another well deserved break.
Scott Heisel – Fozzy is scheduled to hit the road again starting May 5. That gives Chris Jericho just enough time to lose the U.S. Championship at WrestleMania and then lose the rematch at Payback on April 30 before trading out his G.O.A.T. trunks for a sensible pair of leather pants. Thanks for the best run of your WWE career, Y2J. It’s truly been a pleasure to watch.
Danielle Matheson – Friendship is dead and nothing matters anymore, so Jericho I guess.
Chris Trew – I will accept nothing less than a bloodied Chris Jericho passing out from a KO Lion Tamer. This is my Wrestlemania Wish (did you know everyone who writes for With Spandex gets one Wrestlemania Wish?
Justin Donaldson – I so want this to end up being the new best ever WrestleMania match. There is no match on the card that’s primed for greatness as much as this one. I try to not get my hopes too high for any match at Mania these days, but that’s hard with this one. I will be happy with either guy winning but I think it will be Owens.
Bill Hanstock – Jericho is about to be Fozzy-bound, so the winner of this one (Owens) is pretty obvious. But I think this match is going to be just a ton of fun. Jericho and Owens will probably try their best to steal the show, and the crowd will likely be out of their minds for this one. I’m excited.
Raw Women’s Championship Elimination Match: Bayley (c) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax
What Should Happen: Dana Brooke shows up and Rybacks everybody. Four-person Samoan drop!
What Will Happen: Nah, give this to Nia. The one thing she’s saying that’s true is that it’s kind of annoying how the Raw women’s division is just three hyped ladies from NXT keep trading the belt back and forth and being dramatic high schoolers about it. Nia still feels like she’s almost there but not quite, but giving her the strap at least opens up the stories and the division a little. That’s really all I want from this match. That, and for Sasha Banks to get eliminated first and go apeshit on Bayley.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – This seems to be the women’s revolution that John Cena has been telling us about: two matches featuring every woman in each division! I know everyone is all about these three horse ladies, but the interesting x factor to me is Nia ‘Lady Vader’ Jax. I think she walks out with the title, stops cutting promos, and just drops legs and glares.
Scott Heisel – I’m not entirely sure what the elimination order will be here, but at the end of the match Charlotte becomes a five-time champ — and, in the process, Sasha turns on Bayley. (I’ll guess the order goes Nia, Bayley, Sasha.)
Danielle Matheson – I love you Bayley. I am so sorry for hoping that Sasha realises that she hates hugging but loves tapping bitches out and screws you over so she can get her title back. So, so sorry.
Chris Trew – If Charlotte or Sasha Banks gets eliminated first I’m going to throw a temper tantrum. If Nia Jax gets eliminated first I’m going to roll my eyes. If Bayley gets eliminated first I’ll give everyone who screencaps this and tweets it at me (@Christrew) $1 on Venmo.
Justin Donaldson – This years WrestleMania is taking place in the home of Ric Flair’s big retirement match. That’s right, The Impact Zone is just a few miles up I-4 from Camping World Stadium. Seriously though, Mania is in the same place Papa Flair had his last match in WWE continuity and I can’t imagine WWE not letting that affect this match. Vince loves paying tribute to past moments he’s proud of. Think of all the times they have redone the Montreal Screw Job. I’m calling Bayley superkicks Charlotte for the win.
Bill Hanstock – I feel like there are only two real options here: Either Bayley retains, or Sasha screws her over to win. Either way, I think this comes down to Bayley vs. Sasha. At WrestleMania. Which is pretty cool, no matter how badly the Bayley character has been treated in WWE thus far. I’ll pick Sasha to win, and this summer to be the major main-roster feud between them, leading to Bayley getting the title back at SummerSlam .. in Brooklyn!
Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles
What Should Happen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO4ug5dwJH4
… only the blow up doll gets thrown off a roller coaster set at the end.
What Will Happen: I’m hoping this is more “Shane McMahon vs. Kurt Angle” than “Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker.” It’ll be interesting to see if Shane can work a real match at this point in his life and keep it top tier, because if he can’t do it at WrestleMania with the best wrestler in the world, he can’t. Hoping this is the moment when Styles manages to get a four-star-plus classic out of the boss’ son and puts anyone who isn’t already on notice on notice. AJ wins, or we riot.
Bonus points if Styles won’t stop beating up Shane and Daniel Bryan does a run-in to make the save.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – Eh. I mean, AJ? Go home, Shane. You’re taking someone’s spot.
Scott Heisel – Shane should literally never win a match ever — not even against, like, the Vaudevillians or something. Doesn’t seem to be much of a stretch to predict AJ Styles as the winner here, but maybe they shock us, have Shane sneak out a win then have AJ demand a no-holds-barred rematch at Payback, at which point he brutalizes Shane so much, they deal him to Raw for draft picks or something. I really, really hope they just let AJ Styles win, though.
Danielle Matheson – Shane, honey, no. You can just buy new sneakers every week and be on TV, it’s cool. AJ Styles for the win, but obviously not before Shane does something completely dangerous and stupid because mid-life crises can take many forms.
Chris Trew – Shane McMahon elbow drops a roller coaster and AJ covers him for the pin. The next night Shane is re-awarded control of Smackdown.
Justin Donaldson – I’m looking forward to this more than any other match on the card. I’m very interested to see what these guys can do together. I think it’s a pretty safe to say that AJ wins but it’s probably going to take some kind of crazy Styles Clash to keep McMahon down. Maybe Shane will win next WrestleMania when he wrestles Nakamura.
Bill Hanstock – Styles revealed on Smackdown that there will be no stunts; this will just be a wrestling match. So I’m actually excited as hell for him to Yoshihiko Shane to a three-plus-star match. It’s going to rule. Styles wins, obviously.
Non-Sanctioned Match: Triple H vs. Seth Rollins
What Should Happen: Via this week’s Best and Worst of Raw. I apologize in advance for this being my only prediction ever.
I really hope they deliver at Mania, and by “deliver” I mean I hope Dean Ambrose loses to Baron Corbin, Roman Reigns loses to the Undertaker and everybody gets their heat back when the Shield remembers “hold harmless” means anything goes, reunites to put away the boss they’ve always hated and fist-bump the Old Seth Rollins back into the crew. Manly tears will be shed.
What Will Happen: Part of me thinks they’re going to give this that ridiculously frustrating treatment where Rollins almost wins but doesn’t, and Triple H tries to do the big “wow, I almost LOST to a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest” and eventually gives him a win back at Payback. Only, you know, 1/10th the people will be watching Payback and WrestleMania matters more than anything, so H won when it mattered, even when he absolutely does not have to or need to.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – Another possible show stealer on a card that, on paper at least, is full of potential show stealers. Seth goes over here and Triple H makes him look like a world killer.
Scott Heisel – Samoa Joe interfering in this match on behalf of HHH seems like a given, no? The real question is whether or not Finn Balor also interferes on behalf of Rollins, or if they save his return for Raw the next night. Either way, you don’t give a dude a Kingslayer T-shirt unless he’s gonna slay a King. Rollins for the win.
Danielle Matheson – Uh oh, Daddy’s mad. Can Seth duct tape himself together well enough to beat up Triple H and become the living embodiment of all our latent daddy issues? Can he just stop seeking approval from someone who just hurts him all the time and realize he’s totally okay just being on his own? Whoa, too much projection you say? Me and codependency issues say oh god I hope so.
Chris Trew – Here’s my non-sanctioned take: I think the editors of this website are real jabronis and I’d like to take them all on in a boiler room brawl at next year’s Wrestlemania. (But really, this is the match of the night in my opinion and I’m excited for Seth Rollins to remind us who he is.)
Justin Donaldson – I could see this being a really great match for about twenty eight minutes and then everybody and their brother showing up for a super schmoz at the end. Stephanie, Joe, Mick Foley, Finn Balor, everybody. Culminating in Triple H eating a Pedigree and Rollins getting the win.
Bill Hanstock – The only holds barred are harmless ones! Samoa Joe will insert himself into this match (unless he’s already stuck his jerk nose into Owens/Jericho), but the whole point of the past two years is Rollins winning this one. My hope is that the Pedigree isn’t enough and he has to pull the Curb Stomp out of mothballs, but I’ll take a Rollins win (and an end to this feud) any way I can get it.
John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse
What Should Happen: Dear God, don’t repeat the mistakes of WrestleMania 27. What if the Miz gets concussed right away, they get a double count-out and then The Rock shows up and Rock Bottoms everyone? We know he’s gonna be there somewhere. Rock and Ronda Rousey show up and destroy everybody?
What Will Happen: If there’s a right and just God, Miz wins this (by pinning Nikki, if that’s even a thing) and spends the next year talking about how he “beat John Cena at WrestleMania.” Cena and Nikki will get their Total Divas moment and Nikki will get a proper goodbye, but let’s please focus on making sure Mike goddamn Mizanin keeps working as hard as he’s worked over the last several months and give him a meaningful WWE Championship run.
And then let’s do Miz vs. Daniel Bryan for it at WrestleMania 34. It’s in New Orleans, after all.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – Miz is on fire right now, but we’ve got to go old school. The good guys need their sweet good guy vengeance. That Kid’s Choice Awards burn was just too hot for the good guys to lose this one. Hopefully there is a post match promo where John Cena tells me more about this women’s revolution.
Scott Heisel – I tend to overthink Miz matches. I mean, dude is supposed to lose, because he’s so damn good at making you want to see his face get caved in. And going up against John Cena, it certainly seems like a forgone conclusion that we return to the Golden Years of “CENAWINSLOL.” But given that it’s almost a sure thing Cena will be proposing to Nikki Bella at the conclusion of this match, what better way to humanize the guy even more than have him lose to Miz, then as Miz and Maryse gloat, he gets on the mic, says that there are more important things than winning and losing and then gets down on one knee? Cue the biggest “YES!” chant of the evening. My official pick: Miz & Maryse. (I’m wrong.)
Danielle Matheson – John Cena thinks Maryse is a waste of space and put over the “women’s revolution” and then called Miz a pussy and said he didn’t have a penis. Miz put on a giant suit jacket over a Cena shirt pretending to be him. I think there’s a very tricky path to navigate when you start bringing in the so-called revolution using WWE’s ham-fisted attempts at their idea of equality, but at the end of the day I know I’ll be shouting for Miz to rip Cena’s dick off during Sunday’s match.
Chris Trew – John Cena finishes the evening 1-1 since he real-life proposes to Nikki Bella after their victory over The Miz and Maryse. If The Miz interrupts the proposal I’m buying all the Miz gear available.
Justin Donaldson – After a ref bump, The Miz hits Cena with a metal pipe followed by his third Skull Crushing Finale. Just when it looks like Miz and Maryse have the match won, Daniel Bryan shows up in the ring and nails The Miz with a Running Knee. Cena is still knocked out and cant capitalize so Nikki pins The Miz. The pin may or may not be counted by Daniel Bryan or Al Roker.
Bill Hanstock – Obviously, this match is just prologue to the inevitable proposal of Nikki Bella by the coward John Cena. So since the match itself doesn’t really matter, it seems like the perfect opportunity to give The Miz a big win over Cena at WrestleMania, but good this time. That said, Cena and Nikki will win, and then it’s PROPOSE-A-MANIA, JACK.
The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns
What Should Happen: This should go on last, and Roman Reigns should absolutely eat Undertaker for breakfast and bloody and retire him. I don’t know, I just want to watch the world burn.
What Will Happen: The smarter wrestling fan in me feels like they wouldn’t have Taker lose at another WrestleMania unless it was his very last, and that he wouldn’t HAVE his very last WrestleMania match unless it was announced and promoted beforehand. At the same time, Taker’s old school enough (get it) that if he’s going out on his back, he’s going to do it the right way and not make it all about him.
It’s so, so hard for me to pick against Roman Reigns, especially after watching him spend half an hour with Triple H last year. This one feels too close to call for me, but I’ll go with the classically smart money and say Taker wins, but only by disqualification. Maybe Reigns will go nuts on him with a chair like Stone Cold Steve Austin at WrestleMania X-7 and we’ll get the entitled, officially heel Reigns we all want.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – I love a good yard centered feud. Taker wins this and then urn salutes Roman or something. Or vanishes and his soul enters Roman Reigns and now Reigns has a gong and a hat. You know what, I don’t completely hate that idea. Taker picks up the win but having finally found a deserving vessel, gives all of his Johnny Cash powers to Roman.
Scott Heisel – Tin-foil hat conspiracy theory time: The reason they’re putting the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal on the pre-show is so Braun Strowman can win (obviously), then disappear long enough for the crowd to forget about him before he shows up to interfere in this match, costing Roman the victory (thereby preventing the entire stadium from booing so loud it creates a sinkhole large enough to consume the entire state of Florida). It might be a cheap win, but an old gunslinger like the Undertaker will take a win any way he can. And if Strowman beats down Taker after the bell rings? Even better.
Danielle Matheson – Either Roman Reigns will win again to prove to everyone he’s a real wrestler or whatever, or Undie because … Undie.
Chris Trew – You know what they say, it’s best to go out on your back. Roman Reigns loses cleanly to The Undertaker then retires the next night.
Justin Donaldson – Maybe I’m being super naive, but I just can’t imagine Roman Reigns beating The Undertaker at WrestleMania. That just sounds crazy to me. I’m going with the Undertaker to win. This is going to be so stressful.
Bill Hanstock – Yard vs. Yard: The Yardening. Regardless of whether he feels like he’s done, boy, it sure feels like this might be Undertaker’s last go-round, doesn’t it? And what better way to go round than to put the Big Dog over? This is a tough match to call, because you’d think if there’s ANYONE on the roster who can beat Reigns, it’s the Undertaker. But although there ain’t no grave capable of holding his body down, I believe Reigns will hold Taker’s body down for the three-count.
WWE Universal Championship Match: Goldberg (c) vs. Brock Lesnar
What Should Happen: Lesnar wins, or they are seriously dirt stupid.
What Will Happen: From the Best and Worst of Raw, the three ways Goldberg/Lesnar III goes down:
– Goldberg beats Lesnar in like two minutes again, repeating the mistakes of WCW, ending a WrestleMania main-event in only a few minutes and leaving us with Unstoppable Ancient Sweat Dad as a Universal Champion who can’t be unseated by the previous Toughest Wrestler Ever, so he’s got to lose the championship in seconds/by technicality/due to cattle-prod-levels of bullshit.
– Lesnar avoids Goldberg’s initial assault, surprises everyone and beats Goldberg in a few minutes, because Goldberg really can’t go more than a few minutes. Lesnar provides us with the “down goes Goldberg” moment and kinda sorta salvages his legacy as the most dominant guy in the company, even though he’s still down 2-1 to the guy and looked like his b-word twice in the last four months. Lesnar then goes on to lose the belt to who at SummerSlam, Roman?
– Goldberg and Lesnar attempt to do a main-event style match, which we’ve already seen crash and burn at WrestleMania 20. And that was with both parties 13 years younger. And now they don’t have Stone Cold Steve Austin there to stun them and drink beers and save the day, and also they’re following the entire show, for better or worse. If it’s a great show, maybe nobody will care. If it’s a bad show, it gets bad.
Usually with a marquee match there are so many intangibles that sure, you can fantasy book it all you want, but they could always go out there and do something completely different and surprise you. Is there a chance Goldberg and Lesnar are gonna go out there and do that Hogan vs. McMahon WrestleMania 19 garbage match where they wander around the arena hitting each other in the face with shit and going through tables and bleeding for 20 minutes until one of them hits a finisher? Sure, I guess, but Goldberg’s lungs would be ash by the end of that.
Hogan and McMahon it up, gentlemen.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – I … man, I don’t care. The only way I get interested in this one is if Dario Cuerto and Matanza show up. Brock gets his win and the title and we begin the build to Rollins and Lesnar, I guess? This will last three minutes.
Scott Heisel – Prediction: Paul Heyman dives in front of Lesnar to save him from, let’s say, a third spear, making the ultimate sacrifice for his dick-sword-tattooed buddy. Lesnar hoists Goldberg up for, let’s say, a second F5, and scores the pin, and with it the Universal championship. I’ll set the German suplex over/under at 5.
Danielle Matheson – Lesnar, because something about Goldberg eating a dozen eggs in a sitting bothers me intensely.
Chris Trew – It’s Wrestlemania 27 all over again when The Rock returns. This time he helps Lesnar win then challenges him for the title at Wrestlemania in New Orleans and he says it like N’awlins but people cheer anyway.
Justin Donaldson – I don’t want them to fail. I don’t want to be proven right. I want this to be great. I want Goldberg feel like all his misery was worth it. But as it stands right now this looks like its going to be a dumpster fire. I hope I’m wrong. I was wrong going into Survivor Series, so who knows? Good or bad, Brock wins.
Bill Hanstock – Lesnar’s going to win this match, and the title. The only question is how long and how good the match is going to be. I genuinely believe these two dudes are going to try their damnedest, but there’s no telling how that’s going to work out for either of them. Pray for sweatdad.
WWE Championship Match: Bray Wyatt (c) vs. Randy Orton
What Should Happen: First of all, Bray Wyatt needs a promotional photo that doesn’t make him look like someone’s burnout Deadhead aunt who bought a gaudy piece of gold jewelry at a flea market. Second of all, Bray Wyatt winning this makes all the sense in the world and Randy Orton absolutely does not need a 13th title win, especially not right now, ESPECIALLY when the company is starting to lose all its part-timers and top stars to part-timing without anyone to replace them. Bray Wyatt, please.
What Will Happen: There’s no way this actually goes on last, right? If we open the show with it or whatever, Bray definitely wins. I’m not sure a snake-souled arsonist maniac defeating the swampbilly cult leader is a “feel good” moment in any direction. Keeping my fingers crossed that Bray wins this, and that, I don’t know, Erick Rowan rolls out in a swamp buggy and crushes Randy Orton.
Staff Picks
Joe Starr – Bray’s run at the top is long overdue, so I’m really looking forward to this. Randy knows how to kick things into high gear on the big stage and I can’t think of a better way to solidify Wyatt as a champion and force to be reckoned with than a win over Orton in the main event of Mania. This probably means Orton wins the title but my heart refuses to die. Bray Wyatt with the biggest win of his career.
Scott Heisel – Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please let Bray win.
Danielle Matheson – After Tuesday’s Smackdown, it seems that Orton had attempted to destroy th source of Bray’s power by shoving a crucifix into the grave of his sister because wrestling is f-cking awesome. Unless Orton can top that by literally turning into a snake, unhinging his jaws, and eating Wyatt whole, I’m hoping this broke something inside the current champion and it turns him into an even bigger monster. Or and even bigger snake. SNAKE FIGHT! Wyatt retains, or we spend the next six months trying to figure out how to make Orton human again.
Chris Trew – Really just hoping there’s not a live band playing either one of their intro songs. As long as that stays true, we’re all winners.
Justin Donaldson – I can actually see this going either way. It’s not crazy to think they may give Bray a big WrestleMania moment here and have him retain. They can always have Randy win it at the next PPV, because there is no way this feud is over. But if I have to pick one, the safe money is on Orton.
Bill Hanstock – It would be awesome if Bray would hold onto his title through WrestleMania and then lose it to Orton later on, especially given the spookiness over on Smackdown as of late. But if Lesnar wins the title from Goldberg and that match DOESN’T go on last, WrestleMania needs a happy ending. Orton winning is as happy as the world title match will get, I suppose.
Thanks for reading our thoughts on the show, and don’t forget to drop a comment to let us know what you think will happen. And share the predictions around so your friends and family and colleagues can get in on the action. Hope everyone can handle the Ultimate Thrill-Ride without barfing!
