Monday night’s episode of WWE Raw was dominated (in several senses!) by humongous twerp-hater Braun Strowman, who won a Last Man Standing Match against his nemesis Sami Zayn, and claimed he would win the Royal Rumble before getting double-speared by Roman Reigns and Bill Goldberg. Basically, Braun is a big bully and an aggressive jerk.
That’s just on television, though! In real life, Braun is probably just your average freakishly massive guy. Probably someone who likes hanging out in streams, lifting weights, and eating steaks. In fact, these things are no longer just speculation! An intrepid denizen of r/SquaredCircle managed to locate and take a screencap of Braun’s Tinder profile, and … well, you may not be prepared for how singularly wonderful this is:
And that was the moment I realized … I have no idea whether Braun is objectively attractive. That’s a wonderful photo, certainly, but doesn’t really offer much scale or perspectively on the whole enormous Strowmanity of it all. And would “6’8, 375 lbs” really be what you should lead with? If so, boy was I doing it wrong the entire time. Sami Zayn probably keeps trying to match a match with Strowman, but Mick Foley keeps snatching the phone out of his hand.
Now we’re just never going to stop thinking about what other wrestlers use which dating services. B. Brian Blair and “Jumpin'” Jim Brunzell are obviously on Bumble. Chris Jericho likely sticks to Craigslist. Kane probably goes to Match dot com every day and is disappointed it’s not just a site for arson. Sin Cara just posts missed connections, obviously. And Strowman’s erstwhile Wyatt Family brother Erick Rowan is almost certainly on Farmers Only. He’s an award-winning vintner, you know.
There’s one thing we know beyond a shadow of a doubt: Rusev definitely has a profile on Plenty Of Fish.
