Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Velveteen Dream used his brain to turn Johnny Wrestling into Johnny Failure, TM-61 attempted the Brutus Beefcake Assault gambit, and Shayna Baszler shoved over a treasure chest like a total jerk.
If you missed this episode, you can watch it here. If you’d like to read previous installments of the Best and Worst of NXT, click right here. Follow With Spandex on Twitter and Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter, where everything and everyone is terrible.
And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for September 12, 2018.
Best: Chowder And Bologna
Up first this week is the returning duo of Oney and Twoey — Oney Lorcan and Danny Burch — taking on the Brazilian super team of Adrian “Vowels” Jaoude and Cezar Bononi. First of all, I’m calling that team Chowder and Bologna for the rest of my life whether you think it’s funny or not. Second of all, what the hell happened to Cezar Bononi? When first showed up he looked like Tye Dillinger and rookie Randy Orton had done the Fusion Dance, but now he’s out here looking like Giant Baba pretending to be The Continental. You’ve gotta love his King Princess mustache.
Anyway, this is here to get Burch and Lorcan back on the tag team division map, and it does what it needs to do, even if I think the “high angle” DDT is still ridiculous. It doesn’t make sense unless you’re putting your opponent’s body weight behind it! Letting them rest half of their body weight on your tag team partner makes it hurt less! At least now they’re doing it off the shoulder instead of from the waist, but I’d rather take the High Angle DDT than like, get kicked in the stomach.
Best: Tommaso Ciampa’s ‘Mark’ Voice
I’m so happy the WWE Fan Nation clip of Tommaso Ciampa’s promo from last night features the bit where he talks about fans blaming him for attacking Aleister Black, and goes into a Hamton J. Pig voice to mock them. AND LOOK AT HIS FACE. He looks like Sean Penn got cast as Kratos in a God of War movie. I didn’t know Ciampa had that voice in him, but holy shit, I hope it makes regular appearances. Dude could already be voice acting for background characters in bad anime dubs.
Also, in a note you probably don’t need to read at this point, hey, Ciampa’s really goddamn good at talking. He manages to recap like a month of storylines, put himself over as champion, clarify his motivations — he was GOING to attack Black and take him out, but someone beat him to it, so he’s innocent — and even give credit to the women’s division by using “him or her” in his attack statement. Gargano’s so obsessed he’s relegated his bad-ass indie darling wife to emotional mess NPC, but Ciampa’s out here like, “Bianca Belair definitely could’ve kicked Aleister Black’s ass, just saying.” HOW IS TOMMASO CIAMPA THE WOKE ONE IN THIS ANGLE.
Nothing but respect for my President. And I’m glad if he had to get an entrance theme instead of entering to boos, he got a fake Marilyn Manson cover of Battle Scars.
Best: Otis Is Coming For ‘Tomato Champs’
As Ciampa’s leaving the arena, he comes across Heavy Machinery sub-Touting him and ends up accepting Bill Swerski’s Superfan Otis Dozovic’s challenge for a future match. One, I’m hype to see that. Two, I don’t know what Midwestern teddy bear universe Otis fell out of, but I’m happy he’s here. Never calling Tucker Knight anything but “Tucky.” Now we’ve got Hamton and Tucky Duck. William Regal go down the hole.
Also of note: William Regal interviews and adorable pirate princess as well as the love child of Jay and Silent Bob, and neither of them attacked Aleister Black. We’re gonna find out Kevin Owens did it, aren’t we?
Best: A Televised Murder
My favorite match of the week, because of course it is, is Shayna Baszler’s televised homicide of Florida Woman Violet Payne. Payne’s entire offensive attack here is attempting to tie-up, then getting beaten within an inch of her damn life.
There’s something truly wonderful about a focused, hateful Shayna Baszler. I think her angry walk to the back is my favorite thing in NXT right now. Violet Payne got bent up, choked out several times, and had her unconscious body kicked around like Shayna was poking a dead body with a stick. Absolutely brutal, and the kind of match I’m going to hopefully get to recreate 75-100 times in WWE 2K19. If only they’d let me run Baszler vs. Zack Ryder.
Ronda Rousey should be sending this woman an edible arrangement and a thank you card every day of the week for being her friend, instead of deciding she wants her spot.
Best: Raul Intentions
Lars Sullivan gets to squash Raul Mendoza again, but Raul does his best Gentleman Chris Adams impersonation with a bunch of comeback dropkicks and fire-ups. It’s fun, but mostly Lars holding Mendoza by the neck while Mendoza double-clutches and jumps upside down across the ring.
A quick supplemental Worst to Nigel McGuinness, though, for saying he’s NEVER SEEN THIS KIND OF AGGRESSION during Sullivan vs. Mendoza, when he literally watched Shayna Baszler continue to choke out an already unconscious woman until she literally died like 10 minutes earlier.
Best: Un, duh, fee, ted
Try to name someone cooler than Bianca Belair. It can’t be done.
Belair and Nikki Cross (who is still here, somehow) compete in the main event, and while it’s clearly not as good as Smackdown’s Brie Bella vs. Maryse showdown — cough — it’s a lot of fun while it lasts. It’s all building up to a double count-out spot where they do the Cactus Jack and Big Van Vader “oh my god why did you do that” body squash on the ramp, which is a rare deserved double count-out.
I’m not sure if they’re building to a TakeOver match (dear God, say they are) or if they just did the non-finish to keep Belair un-duh-fee-ted, but I’m into match #2. I’d say they should do another Last Woman Standing match, but I wouldn’t ask anyone to keep up with Bianca Belair’s conditioning and cardio. Pretty sure you could run her over with a bus and she’d kip up.
Worst: LOL Ricochet
1. Cathy Kelley is 5-foot-7. Ricochet is billed at 5-foot-9, so they’re probably around the same height. So why is Ricochet 6-foot-8 in this shot? Cathy can’t even be pulling the Tom Phillips wide stance here, they’ve got to have Ricochet standing on an apple crate.
2. Does Ricochet think that when you win a championship, you have to cosplay as it?
Best: Sneak Attack Raiders
Additional +1 to Kyle O’Reilly saying he’s too famous to buy his own groceries, and to Roderick Strong for ruining the promo with “they say we can run but we can’t hide, like this is some big game of hide and seek!” but saving it by saying he plays that with his kid and wins every time. Also, “rap with us, Rod!” All it needed was George Reddington popping in to say, “be completely candid!”
Really good show this week. Hey, I don’t say that about NXT all the time! Who knew a show a wrestling show would be a lot better if it featured wrestling matches, had characters you liked seeing, and didn’t include two hours of Popeye’s and USA Network commercials!
