Previously on the Best and Worst of WWF Raw Is War: Three very important things happened: D-Generation X got their name, the New Age Outlaws decided to be a tag team, and The Rock took his very first Stone Cold Stunner.
If you haven’t seen this episode, you can watch it on WWE Network here. Check out all the episodes you may have missed at the Best and Worst of WWF Raw Is War and Best and Worst of WWF Monday Night Raw tag pages. Follow along with the competition here. We’re on the same week again, finally!
Hey, you! If you want us to keep doing retro reports, share them around! And be sure to drop down into our comments section to let us know what you thought of these shows. We’re almost to Survivor Series ’97, wherein a man is screwed or screws himself, depending on who you ask.
And now, the Best and Worst of WWF Raw Is War for October 20, 1997.
Worst: Bret Hart Is Having A Bad Time
This week, the Nation of Domination find out that their locker room has been turned into the world’s most racist ‘Parents Just Don’t Understand’ video set with threats like STAY IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY, UNCLE TO GO HOME and the subtle WE HATE YOU. There are Canadian flags all over the room to suggest the Hart Foundation did it, and the phrase “HART’S RULE” on the wall in the hate crime that no doubt inspired that one dude in Mississippi to spray-paint BLACKS RULE on his own driveway. I’d point out the racism of NO KFC as well, but if Canadians are truly behind this, it might just be brand loyalty to Dixie Lee Fried Chicken.
The opening match of the night is Ahmed Johnson and Ken Shamrock vs. Nation representatives Rocky Maivia and Kama Mustafa. The Legion of Doom are at ringside to show support for Team Injured, and Faarooq and, randomly, Rick Rude are at ringside for the Nation. It turns out Rude is there as an “insurance policy” for Faarooq, lending him the dreaded Halliburton briefcase to whack Ken Shamrock over the back when the referee’s not looking. This of course leads to our first Everybody Fights of the night, featuring Ahmed going after the Nation, the Legion of Doom trying to help him, and the Godwinns running in to attack them with trash cans.
During that match, the Nation’s locker room gets vandalized. They’re sure it’s the Hart Foundation, and not the sophomoric jerks who are trying to get everyone to fight each other as a joke and had their bodyguard hanging out at ringside the entire match to make sure everyone was accounted for. This brings the Nation back out, and Faarooq screams at Vince McMahon about being a racist. Hilarious exchange: “ARE YOU A RACIST?” “YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I’M NOT.” The “Faarooq Is Hooked On Ebonics” sign in the background really drives home the point that there’s no racism in the World Wrestling Federation.
Faarooq demands Bret Hart RIGHT NOW. Bret shows up to accept the match, and it hasn’t been going on for like a minute when D-Generation X shows up and Michaels stands on the table yelling about how the World Wrestling Federation needs a champion who “doesn’t see color.” Bret goes after him, sparking another Hart Foundation vs. Nation of Domination brawl. D-X scoots away.
The match continues somehow, but when Bret tries to put Faarooq in the ring post figure-four, ANOTHER Hart Foundation/Nation brawl starts. Bret gets his ass kicked so much that he’s like, collapsed against the ring steps. While this is happening, Stone Cold Steve Austin hops the rail and hits a Stone Cold Stunner on Faarooq (based on their promo from the previous week, and continuing to set up Austin vs. Rocky for after Survivor Series). Confused at both what happened and how the match could still be happening after two multi-team brawls, Bret pins Faarooq. So Hart got called a racist, didn’t respond to that at all, was challenged, got beaten up twice and only won the match because somebody else did the work for him.
Bret was already washed before he even got to Montreal, man.
Worst: Speaking Of Halliburtons And Racism
JEFF JARRETT is back on Raw, and he’s a-shootin’!
Topics he pew pew shoots on include:
- WCW didn’t know how to use him, because he was one of the best and youngest wrestlers (no comma no)
- WCW paired him up with an ex-football player “who couldn’t even lock up” and his wife, who redefines the term “dumb blind.” He tries to say “blonde,” but the Tennessee takes him over
- WWF is not any better, as when he was there they dressed him up like a country star and feuded him against a clown and a drug addict
- He also insults Vince for putting him in matches against “a black man who cain’t even speak the English language”
- Stone Cold Steve Austin is insulting HIS JESUS by “ripping off the Bible”
By the end of it nobody wants him there, including, seemingly, Jeff Jarrett. And it’s super funny that he talks about how much the Double J gimmick sucked, because after he’s done shooting his wad he goes back to it with Colonel Parker as his manager. Between now and then, he also decides it’d be a good idea to bring in a bunch of ex-WWF stars and “invade” as the National Wrestling Alliance. And then when his WWE career’s actually over, he does that in real life for 15 years.
The true highlight of the segment is somewhere in the middle when a bored fan throws an off-brand Scream mask at Vince, and Vince is so bored he pretends to put it on.
Fun fact: Vince McMahon’s favorite scary movie is Spring Breakers.
Best: A Focused Austin
Unsurprisingly, even with Jeff Jarrett accusing him of blasphemy for profit (and getting over by saying the word “ass” a lot, which his hilarious if you think about Jeff Jarrett from 1998 until now), Stone cold Steve Austin is the winner of this entire night of Hart Foundation vs. Nation of Domination vs. D-Generation X feuding.
Later in the night, Owen Hart defends the Intercontinental Championship against Shawn Michaels, a match you’re expecting to be good, especially when it’s prefaced by a video package reminding us that Owen once K-O’d Michaels with an enzuigiri. They even play up Owen injuring Austin, as though he’s purposefully a deadly in-ring killer. And yeah, the match is pretty good while it lasts, but it’s knowingly building to the finish: Austin once again hopping the rail and hitting a Stone Cold Stunner on the referee to make sure Owen Hart remains Intercontinental Champion until Survivor Series.
A simple story, told effectively by a guy whose persona is so strong he can feel like the most dynamic performer despite being in the middle of rehabbing an almost broken neck.
Worst: I Have A Wife? That Sucks!
While Marc Mero was in gimmick purgatory, he mostly appeared on Raw to creep around Sable segments and either cover her up when she got too naked, or just cast a side-eye at her for being popular. Now that he’s been a serious boxer character for exactly one (1) week, he’s back to doing what he does best: hating the fact that he has a beautiful wife people like. Nothing is worse for a WWE Superstar than being in love! Yecch!
Mero almost loses to Brian Christopher because he can’t stop rolling to the outside and screaming at Sable for being liked. At one point she puts on a Stone Cold Steve Austin hat, so he has to go out, rip it off her head and throw it into the crowd. To drive home the fact that he is the worst, he only defeats the most obnoxious character on the show by violently uppercutting him in the balls. Not the big Chyna “bicep to the taint with the forearm going up the crack” thing, an actual uppercut with fist to balls.
Best/Worst: Phone A Friend
Road Dogg and Billy Gunn — now officially “Bad Ass” — get their first win as a tag team over the Headbangers. It’s mostly fun to watch for the intro, which Road Dogg is clearly still working out. The “ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages” is there, as is “you better call somebody,” but he bookends the promo by adding “YOU BETTER PAGE SOMEBODY!” at the end. Couldn’t have been more dated if he’d said “OH DHARMA AND GREG DIDN’T KNOW? THEIR ASSES BETTER HIT ME UP ON THE TAMAGOTCHIIIIII.”
There’s also an ill-advised post-match screaming at the announce team for some reason, including Road Dogg randomly screaming “YOU’RE A FREAK, YOU’RE A FREAK, AND YOU’RE A FAGGOT” at the announce team for seemingly no reason. Super weird. Glad that didn’t make it into the pre-match singalong.
bes: taga dafeet tijari in rasel match
tijari yoos fet so gud
The Hottest Free Agent!
One of the funniest retcons in this episode is the “contract signing” footage for “hot free agent” Taka Michinoku, who (1) has been here since mid-summer, and (2) is the guy you brought over to lose to the LAST hot free agent you signed.
The match they have only lasts about four minutes, but it’s high-speed and light years better than the punch and kick Brian Christopher stuff. Watch it on mute, though, so you don’t have to hear about how much better the punch and kick Brian Christopher stuff is.
Best: Dude Hate
Dude Love is supposed to wrestle the British Bulldog, but once again gets interrupted by Kane. This time, Dude’s not just standing around and getting thrown at the ground … he starts throwing hands, clotheslines Kane out of the ring and even smacks him in the face with a chair. Kane no-sells all of this, of course, and … well, throws him at the ground.
Dude’s response? To transform back into Mankind at the end of the night and challenge Kane to a fight at Survivor Series. It would be in the pantheon of memorable Mick Foley thrashings, too, because he practically murders himself trying to get Kane over. The reason you don’t remember it is because of the red Sin Cara mood lightning that made it impossible to see anything. So … thanks, Mick!
Finally This Week, College Football
You know what’ll get the Oklahoma crowd to react to the Godwinns? Putting them in college football rivalry shirts you can barely read if they’re directly facing you.
The “main event” of the show is the world’s most uninteresting Everybody Fights. You’ve spent the entire night watching D-Generation X force the Hart Foundation and the Nation of Domination to attack each other … you know what you need to end the night? A Godwinns vs. Disciples of Apocalypse match that never gets started because it turns into a big fight, and then the Truth Commission runs out and attacks everybody.
Gonna end the column with the same feeling of “… eh?” as Raw.
Next Week:
A taped Raw featuring D-Generation X accusing the Hart Foundation of using the n-word, some timely Ku Klux Klan humor, and Bret Hart makes a bunch of promises about Survivor Series. Hooray!
