Remember back in October when we ranked WWE’s new line of Superstar underwear? The internet wrestling community fashion police are back, this time to break down, analyze, and grade the gaudy “Ugly Christmas Sweater” collection on WWE.com.
“These ultra festive sweaters will make sure you stand out this holiday season” is what the website says, but there’s good standing out and then there’s bad standing out. We’re here to lend a helping hand, because ’tis the season, and figure out which Superstar sweater is best for you by dishing out letter grades.
Chris Jericho: A
This one grades high for obvious reasons. Not only is it the one of only two sweaters being offered that comes in actual Christmas colors, but “you just made the list” is as holiday appropriate as a wrestling catchphrase can possibly be (The Godfather doesn’t count). We might have to add this to the list of Jericho’s accomplishments.
Braun Stroman: B
Braun gets an B because I believe he’s the most likely to actually wear his own sweater at a party. Plus he’s the most Santa Claus of anyone on the roster, except for maybe Kane. Plus non-wrestling fans might actually mistake Braun for Santa, which is a nice bonus since that means you won’t have to answer any wrestling questions from non-wrestling fans.
Hey, while we’re here, how much food do you think Stroman is gonna put in his Kentucky frame this holiday season?
Seth Rollins: C
Seth nets a C grade here because no way does the CrossFit connoisseur eat candy canes under any circumstances. But the idea of someone being a “Kingslayer” while celebrating Christmas is extremely funny since there’s so much “king” stuff wrapped up in the religious side of late December.
Hardy Boyz: D
Sorry for getting political again here, but a Christmas sweater with the words “reborn” on it might be a little too controversial. Love the idea that the deer at the bottom of it are Matt and Jeff reincarnated, though.
Alexa Bliss: F
If an Ugly Christmas Sweater is perfect, is it doing its job? If something that is marketed as ugly isn’t ugly, is it bad? Is Alexa Bliss a heel or a face? Is she a bad heel because we all love her so much? Is this sweater so good that means she gets an F? Maybe not, I think so, depends, possibly, definitely.
Other available sweaters include Finn Bálor, AJ Styles, Sasha Banks, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Roman Reigns. Unfortunately at this time of this writing there’s no Mideon, Viscera, Val Venis, or Boogeyman sweaters, but trust that I’m doing all I can to will them into existence.
Feeling brave enough to score one of this suckers? Head over to the WWE Shop!