Alex Jones Seems Very, Very Concerned About Mens’ Penises Shrinking And Of Course Has Concocted A Wild Conspiracy Theory About It

Alex Jones might be facing crippling bankruptcy from the lawsuit filed against him by the Sandy Hook families, but if you think that’s going to stop him from pushing wild conspiracy theories, think again. On a recent episode of InfoWars, Jones accused an unnamed and nebulous cohort of “globalists” of shrinking men’s penises through a chemical in the “liners of soft drink cans.” Just go ahead and sit with that for a minute, and yes, it’s fair to wonder if Jones is trying to tell us something here.

In the bizarre rant, Jones claims that penises are a “third the size they were in the 1960s,” which raises questions of where Jones got that number and the research involved. He also warned that in the future, dongs won’t even exist, and it’s nothing to joke about. This is serious business.

Via Ron Filipkowski on Twitter:

That’s why genitals — I don’t care if you’re Black or white — are a third the size they were in the 1960s. So the media makes jokes about that a few months ago, and I gave you an examples of. So, you know, if your daddy’s Johnson was a foot long, yours is six inches long. And if yours was six inches, your son’s will be three inches, and on from there they won’t even have a penis! We can make jokes about that all day long, but this isn’t a game. And you can say ‘OK, well who cares?’ Well, we’re sterilized, and the sperm counts are down 96%.

It should be noted that there’s a potential method to Jones’ madness. The frothing podcast host has been ranting recently that his viewers aren’t buying enough InfoWars products while his media empire is on the brink of collapse. And just what “amazing” products does InfoWars sell? Health products that make your body a super immune fortress, of course. Why worry about a vast, shadowy conspiracy to shrink your penis vis-à-vis cans of Sprite, when you can just sprinkle Jones’ miracle powder in your coffee and go about your day, hanging low and strong. That’s the ticket!

(Via Ron Filipkowski on Twitter)