The internet needs a rest every now and then from the news and its attendant worries and anxieties, even if that respite comes in the form of more internet content. So here you go: There’s an enormous cow in Western Australia. That might not, on its face, sound too impressive. But look at this mother heifer and genuflect in awe:
Knickers, a Holstein Friesian steer, is a bovine behemoth that sticks out from the herd. #7News pic.twitter.com/oazuaW0SWj
— 7NEWS Brisbane (@7NewsBrisbane) November 27, 2018
News of this gigantic bovine was first spread by Perth Now, which was then discovered round this hemisphere and quickly spread on social media. The cow’s name is Knickers. He stands at around 6’4” and weighs nearly 1.4 tons. He towers above his regular-sized colleagues in a way that’s reminiscent of those old pictures of Michael Jordan and Spike Lee. In fact, one news station got the inches-to-meters conversion wrong and said he’s close to Jordan’s actual height, which would make for a hilariously gigantic, probably terrifying, cow.
According to Perth Now’s report, the farm’s owner saved Knickers from an abbatoir, saying he was “too heavy” to be “put through a processing facility.” There was an ulterior motive to his purchase: The farmer wanted to him to serve as a “coach” to his other animals — a beast that could teach them the ways of farm life, and maybe of life in general. This has the makings of a delightful Hollywood comedy — something along the lines of last year’s giant pig romp Okja.
Alas, Knickers is not the tallest steer on the planet. As per Guinness, that honor goes to Bellino, a Chianina ox from Italy that stands some 6’6”.
Regardless, second place or so is good enough for the internet, eager to take a break from news about Sarah Sanders denying a climate change report or any public appearance by John Bolton. Anyway, remember the time we all came together as one to gawk at a legitimately big cow.
People: "If only there were some good news sometimes."
The internet: "Here's a really big cow."
People: "Close enough for now."— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 27, 2018
I love when we all share the deeply human reaction “damn that’s a large cow”
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 27, 2018
https://twitter.com/jpbrammer/status/1067547559416209408
https://twitter.com/pattymo/status/1067550359080587265
Apocalypse, Cow. https://t.co/FlplhodCYn
— Bob Chipman 😁 bobchipman.bsky.social (@the_moviebob) November 27, 2018
https://twitter.com/JamColley/status/1067542235778928640
https://twitter.com/dylanlscott/status/1067550000031440896
ladies, if he’s:
– big
– cowhe’s not your man he’s big cow
— cale g weissman (@caleweissman) November 28, 2018
As a counterpoint I present Manikyam, the world's shortest cow pic.twitter.com/6rVt00JttO
— Tim Callanan (@MrTimCallanan) November 27, 2018