[during sex]
her: i want you to hurt me
me: your sister’s more successful than you
her: wait
me: not a big fan of the new haircut
her: stop
— Skoog (@Skoog) August 9, 2018
Occasionally Twitter users stumble upon a new joke format — like historian sign bunny, “Let’s go, lesbians!“, or second civil war letters — and rush to find every permutation of it, including jokes about the format itself which might incorporate so many other memes that explaining the joke to your grandma would take at least twenty minutes, and instead of laughing she’d just say, “That’s nice, dear.” (That’s grandma speak for “I should have joined a roller derby instead of having kids.”)
The newest format took off earlier this week based on a tweet that went viral on August 9th, in which one character asks their partner to hurt them during sex, the joke being that the partner interprets this to mean they should drop some home truths like, “Your sister’s more successful than you […and I’m] not a big fan of the new haircut.”
Yeah, that has to hurt.
Most of the ensuing jokes followed a similar format, with the theoretical partner misinterpreting the speaker’s request and dropping some harrowing pop psychology or scathing observations into their foreplay:
me during sex: hurt me
them: you were never that smart you just were good at reading as a child so you were given special attention and it gave you a complex
me: wait-
them: you don’t try at school because youre convinced ur natural intellect will save you but u don’t have it
— hugo (@toasteredbread) August 19, 2018
https://twitter.com/hyuck24/status/1029464134025404417
https://twitter.com/strawburberry/status/1029601557145313280
https://twitter.com/the_hottest_jew/status/1030157829464907776
*during sex*
me: i want u to hurt me
them: just because you are self aware of your mental illness, doesn’t mean that you are dealing it
me: what
them: you can’t suppress your problems and deal with them at the same time
me: stop
— katie (@suspigeon_) August 17, 2018
Me during sex: hurt me
Him: you’ve gained a lot of weight since high school and your personality doesn’t make up for it
Me: wait-
Him: your tweets aren’t funny and you’re so creatively burnt out you’re forced to use meme templates for content
Me: p l s s t o p
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) August 17, 2018
People also made jokes about long-awaited pop culture franchises, like some video games. (Does this mean Half Life 3 is confirmed?)
https://twitter.com/Levit0/status/1030905412290322432
https://twitter.com/serinide/status/1030522554514120704
There were also jokes about musicians:
*During sex*
Me: I want you to hurt me
Her: oasis suck
Me: what
Her: their best song is wonderwall
Me: stop
— dan (@daaan_1874) August 18, 2018
me during sex: i want you to hurt me
them: one direction is never coming back
me: wait wha-
them: one direction is dead
me: no stop
— ashley (@_ghostgirI) August 19, 2018
And about sports:
me during sex: hurt me
her: You’ve been traded to the Mets
me: wait—
her: you have a sore elbow. Mets expect you to miss one start.
me: stop
her: It’s a torn UCL. Tommy John surgery. 12-18 months recovery.
— J. B (@August7000) August 19, 2018
People also shared their deep thoughts about the animal kingdom:
*during sex*
Me: i want you to hurt me
Her: i don’t like the movie Ratatouille
Me: what
Her: yeah its kinda cute but I just can’t stop thinking about the fact an actual rat is touching everyone’s food, like that breaks tons of health violations & its super gross
Me: stop
— cory (@_averagemeat) August 19, 2018
[during sex]
Me: Hurt me
Her: In 1992, scientists discovered the loneliest creature on Earth.
Me: what
Her: Its a whale that has been calling for a mate for two decades. He communicates at a frequency not used by any other whales, and hasnt received a response.
Me: stop
— Jay (@highonthighs) August 18, 2018
Many of the Twitter users got meta with their jokes:
https://twitter.com/olivebrinker/status/1031006067470286848
https://twitter.com/runolgarun/status/1031391862370779137
https://twitter.com/CMYKGenet/status/1031555361222918145
https://twitter.com/mattbc/status/1031345603165466625
https://twitter.com/Azure_Husky/status/1031229664210112512
Some of these partners went too far:
Me during sex: hurt me
Her: it’s over
Me: not that much
Her: I’m taking the kids
Me: aw jeeze
— Chris Ray Gun (@ChrisRGun) August 19, 2018
Me during sex: hurt me
*the girl hits my nuts w/a hammer*
Me: ouch wtf I thought u were gonna point out a thing about my personality that seems sorta insightful but is just dumb pop psychology bullshit
Her: nope I hit ur nuts w/a hammer now im gonna put a scorpion in ur ass
— Stavros Halkias (@stavvybaby) August 19, 2018
And things got a little bit weird at times:
Me During sex: hurt me
sex robot: i cannot violate Asimov’s first law of robotics
— hi (@Chainbody) August 18, 2018
https://twitter.com/Merman_Melville/status/1031740995761651712
But some people learned to accept whatever comes:
https://twitter.com/AmyZenunim/status/1030589025541939200