The first thing Reddit user “clarque_” would like you to know is that there’s a difference between a janitor and a custodian. The former “is someone whose job is to primarily clean his area,” while the latter is “responsible for cleaning and maintenance of the area.” He’s a janitor at one of the biggest party schools in the country, and he’s “seen some sh*t.” Both figuratively, and literally. He’s also seen a lot of episodes of Scrubs. Both topics were brought up during an enlightening Reddit AMA session yesterday. It’s like asking a butler about Alfred Pennyworth.
What’s the nastiest and/or weirdest sh*t you’ve had to clean up?
Sit down, young Robert. Let me regale you with a story.
When I was just a young buck, nary at my job for a month, I encountered a snail trail most peculiar. I follow this trail to a study cubicle where I can only guess a woman was mutilated. The chair was covered with dark, sticky blood. Strange, I thought. I followed the trail the other way. As you might have predicted, the trail led to the restroom. Inside, I found what can only be described as the aftermath of the Elevator Scene from The Shining.
And the SMELL. I cannot even describe it. The handicap bathroom had no ventilation to speak of. In the middle of the carnage was a single pair of women’s panties. The kind you wear when you expect to get laid. I closed the door, went calmly into the men’s room, and cursed the world for my cruel fate. Then I got my cart, a mop bucket, my PPE, and got the f*ck to work because that’s what I get paid for.
TL;DR – Some girl got an insane period and left a snail trail to the restroom, where I can only guess she exploded.
How many sets of t*ts have you seen on campus during your time on the job?
Two.
I was scheduled to clean the women’s locker room and two students were taking showers that ran past closing time. I was already in there working when they got out.
It was a good day.
Who has more disgusting bathrooms, men or women?
WOMEN. WOMEN. WOMEN.
When they shower they’ll pull their tampons out and throw them all willy nilly to some forgotten corner, only to be discovered hours later by some janitor who only found it by smell.
They sh*t in the showers WHO EVEN SH*TS IN THE SHOWERS ANYWAYS and don’t even bother waffle stomping it. They’re barbaric.
Has there ever been something so disgusting that you were like “F*ck it, I’m out”?
When I was located in the female dorms, there was a girl who would puke into trash bags whenever she showered. She would then leave these bags in the floor. One day I went to pick them up and they busted all down my arms and my front.
I can do sh*t. I can do urine. I can’t do vomit.
What’s one of the most surprising things to happen on the job?
A student walked up to me, shook my hand, and thanked me for doing my job. My school is a rich white kid school, where 95 percent of the kids are going on daddy’s money and have never worked a day in their lives. For one of them to do that kind of surprised me. I won’t forget it.
How many hypodermics do you pick up in a weekend?
I’ve been lucky enough to only encounter one in the three years I’ve worked there. We’re trained to not carry trash bags close to our bodies because needles might be in there.
What is the most awkward situation you’ve seen/cleaned up after?
Last week. Someone was running on the treadmills and shit themselves. Little rabbit pellets. The pellets would hit the treadmill and propel behind them. Naturally this person was kicked out of the Rec. Most of the pellets were cleaned up, except for two. Day shift put a wet floor sign over them.
Do people draw things with sh*t in your stalls?
Only one time. Someone wrote EAT SH*T AND DIE on the wall.
At least they had a sense of irony.
Were you in The Fugitive?
KIMBLE! [points gun]
(Via Reddit)