College is such bullsh*t. Like, seriously, is anything full of more bullsh*t than college? I think not! It used to not be that way, back when you didn’t have to go into debt for the rest of your life to pay for it. Hell, it was actually a worthy investment back then. But the proverbial shark was jumped years ago when it comes to college. Yes, I hate to break it to you kids, but college is little more than a sharp prong in the evil three-pronged Ponzi scheme that is the American dream — go to college, get married, buy a house — all of which is designed to motivate your as$ to be a productive little worker bee, a hamster perpetually running on that spinning wheel, all in an effort to keep the great American commerce machine churning. Don’t believe me? Go read James Altucher’s thoughts on college here and here and here. Also read John Carney here and here and here. Hell, you now that I think about it, you should also read Drew Magary’s commencement speech thingies for people who’ve already been suckered into college here and here and here for good measure. They’re all much more eloquent on the matter than I am. YOU’RE WELCOME.
I think about this a lot — too much, actually, because I have regrets, folks. Yes, if I had to do it all over again, I’d travel the world. Or gotten a job as a bartender while writing in my free time. Or all of those things. I’ve no doubt that it would’ve prepared me better for life and helped me mature much faster. I see it all the time in dudes just getting out of college these days. They’re jerkoffs. It’s as if instead of promoting human development, the modern college educational system is stunting it. Instead of making young people world worldly, it makes them more unworldly. Ridiculously so. OPEN YOUR EYES, PEOPLE!
Meme in point: Completely naive and oblivious college freshman bro. You know this guy. Hell, I was this guy. He thinks he knows everything — BECAUSE HE’S IN COLLEGE, YO — but in reality, he knows little to nothing. The meme is funny and has spread like wildfire in the past day or so because it’s true. And sadly, completely naive and oblivious college freshman bro isn’t going to evolve much over the duration of his time in college. It’s not until he gets out and is shat on and kicked in the nuts by the real world that any real personal development will take place. He needs to suffer. Then and only then will he be a man. So let’s all mock and ridicule him mercilessly, shall we? Trust me, it’s for his own good.
(Slides via Buzzfeed, Tumblr and Quickmeme)
A little something for my Chicago peeps…
