Best: Alex Riley in “Still Over”
Did you ever think you’d hear a “LET’S GO RI-LEY” chant? I didn’t. Okay, I’m lying, I thought that when Riley got released and got brought in to Ring of Honor as this bad ass pro wrestler who just DIDN’T GET USED RIGHT++ I’d hear a Let’s Go Riley, but not on Raw. But, well, here we are. Three weeks into the Alex Riley experiment and he’s still looking like one of the biggest babyfaces in the company. Last week I thought it was about how much ass he was kicking, but this week he kicked little-to-no-ass and still got the chants.
If I’m the WWE here (and I am not), I want to back away from Riley in these Raw main events. Put him in the undercard, but keep him looking great. The Internet will complain that you aren’t striking while the iron is hot, but there’s a deep truth here: Riley isn’t that good. He’s not. He’s a good heel on the microphone, but he’s sounding a bit John Morrison when he’s being affable. He’s okay in the ring, but he’s not setting the world on fire. If you expose him too much before he’s really, really there, you’re going to blow it. Chris Masters was wrestling Shawn Michaels on pay-per-views, and now four years later he SHOULD be, but nobody cares.
Alternate plan: Alex Riley needs to start Burning Hammering everything that moves.
Worst: The Second Worst Dropkick In History
John Cena, dropkicking like me itt
He really should’ve just punched him in the face, or done that scoop up into the Attitude Adjustment that instantly breaks his opponents’ hands and causes them to drop whatever they’re holding. Or just kinda shove him out of the way, he’s just R-Truth.
Worst: The Raw GM is Sending E-mails From an Insane Asylum
And a great episode of Raw ends with insanity. Stone Cold Steve Austin is the special guest referee and does what you’d expect Stone Cold Steve Austin to do (stunner people, drink beers). The GM sends an e-mail reversing the decision, saying Austin abused his power and the decision will not stand. So what does he do? He quickly sends a second e-mail saying next week’s WWE All Stars general manager will be Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Okay, what? How does this make sense? Did the Raw GM give up his power willingly, and if he didn’t, couldn’t we have had Vince strut out and bell all DAMMIT NEXT WEEK STOOOONE COOOOOLD STEVEAUSTIN? Did the GM act tough, then give up his power temporarily to keep Austin from destroying Michael Cole’s laptop and lectern? The only way this makes sense is if the GM is Mick Foley, who has brain damage and a history of making bad decisions. He’s also a homer for Austin, so he’s the type who would reverse a decision because it’s the “right thing” and then make it up to Austin by letting him run over Jack Swagger in an ATV next week. Yep, figured it out, that’s got to be it.
I want the GM to be something fun, like a child, or the computerized ghost of somebody. Or possibly a child helping the computerized ghost of somebody.