It’s a good thing Louis C.K. was born on September 12th in 1967 — his birthday falling one day earlier, on the 11th, would have made too much sense. Anyway, everyone’s favorite stupid asshole turned 47 today, which means he’s almost 50, which means he’s almost officially OLD. True, Louis has been acting like someone nearing retirement age for years now, but he’s a very wise man when it comes to age. To celebrate Louis’ birthday, let’s take a look at his guide to getting older, separated by five-year intervals from when you’re 15 to 60 and beyond.
15 years old
You’re 15. You don’t have a personality. All you’re doing is jacking off 24/7. No shame.
20 years old
Being 20 is great. You don’t have to worry about hating yourself for another decade.
25 years old
You’re getting better at showing affection to members of the opposite sex. But not by much.
30 years old
You’re going to start hearing it from friends and family: when are you going to settle down?
35 years old
Now’s the time of your life where you learn how to be a parent.
40 years old
There’s an entire bit about it.
45 years old
F*ck it, you’re 45, halfway to 90. Time to smoke and work on the toilet.
50 years old
No one knows what you’re talking about anymore. Your classic rock references fall on deaf ears.
55 years old
Maybe you’re retired, maybe you’re not, but one thing’s for sure: you know the meaning of life.
60 years old-death
Congratulations. For the rest of your life, you’re the “back in my day…” guy.
