https://youtu.be/yr78_7Kip3Q
The following is imagined email correspondence between the actor in the Opiod Induced Constipation Super Bowl commercial and his agent, whose names I have chosen to believe are Trevor Hoboken and Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld.
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYTrev, great news. Got a call today about you for a Super Bowl spot. Big $$$.
Biz
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Trevor Hoboken
TO: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYNICE. What’s the ad for? Lots of face time? Please tell me it’s a beer ad and we’re all flying to Miami to shoot with models on the beach.
T
“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs.” — Lee Strasberg
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYOh, lots of face time. Close-ups, reaction shots, the whole nine! YOU’RE THE STAR, BABY.
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Trevor Hoboken
TO: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYOh man, this is great. But you never answered my question… what’s the ad for?
“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs.” — Lee Strasberg
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYThis new prescription drug. Real cutting edge. Big medical breakthrough.
Hey, you went to drama school, right?
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Trevor Hoboken
TO: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYSure did. At Northwestern.
“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs.” — Lee Strasberg
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABY
Oh man, you are gonna love this. Black and white spot, no dialogue. You get to show real conflict. Your character is a man in pain, constantly tormented by the world around him. Heavy stuff.
Got hop into a meeting. Will hit you with deets in a bit.
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Trevor Hoboken
TO: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYCool.
“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs.” — Lee Strasberg
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYHey, Mike. Quick question: Trying to break it to Trev slowly, but what’s the best way to tell him this character is a constipated oxycontin junkie who is desperate to drop a deuce?
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Trevor Hoboken
TO: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYCONSTIPATED OXYCONTIN JUNKIE?!
“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs.” — Lee Strasberg
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYAhhh crap, meant to send that to my business partner, Mike.
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Trevor Hoboken
TO: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYI’m not playing a blocked-up junkie in a commercial watched by millions of people, Biz.
“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs.” — Lee Strasberg
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABY
No no, it’s not like that. It’s a new thing. “Opiod induced constipation.” Calling it OIC. Helps people on meds for chronic pain move their bowels. Real important. Ad’s classy. You trust me here, right?
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Trevor Hoboken
TO: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYYOU JUST TRIED TO TRICK ME INTO TAKING A POOP COMMERCIAL THAT AIRS DURING THE MOST-WATCHED SHOW OF THE YEAR.
“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs.” — Lee Strasberg
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYLook, I swear, this is a great opportunity. People will be talking about the ad all week. Great publicity. I know it’s challenging, but that’s why they asked for you, specifically.
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYYo, Mike. If Trev asks, the poop med ppl asked for him specifically. Trying to do damage control over here.
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Trevor Hoboken
TO: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYJESUS CHRIST, BIZ.
“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs.” — Lee Strasberg
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYGod dammit. It really is good money, though. “Down payment on a condo” money.
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
FROM: Trevor Hoboken
TO: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYUgh.
Look, I’ll take the meeting. Just promise me one thing: there won’t be some shot where I look with jealousy in my eyes at a dog taking a dump on the street.
“Acting isn’t something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs.” — Lee Strasberg
FROM: Bernie “Biz” Bernfeld
TO: Trevor Hoboken
SUBJECT: SUPER BOWL, BABYTrev, baby. You have my word.
“Let’s hug it out, bitch!” – Ari Gold
