Lafayette Quotes For When You’re The Sane One

True Blood had a cast of vibrant and memorable characters, but none more so than Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis). As the short-order cook at Merlotte’s, Lafayette was always there to dole out wisdom along with the deep-fried food. However, he truly stands out as one of the few characters who called people (and vampires) out on their bullsh*t. When the world of Bon Temps got truly mad, Lafayette was always there as one of the few grounded people left.

Even when he got the short end of the stick (which was too often), Lafayette always kept it real and as sane as possible. If the world is going crazy around you, channel your inner Lafayette and shut it down. Here are a few quotes from True Blood (which you can stream on HBO Now) to get you on your way to taking names, putting people in their place, and bringing a little sanity to the madness.

“Hooker, I ain’t in the ‘helpin” business no more. I’m in the ‘f*ck off while I smoke a blunt’ business, and business about to pick way the f*ck up.”

Despite being a medium and a drug dealer, Lafayette is usually one to avoid trouble in Bon Temps whenever possible. Unfortunately for him, trouble always seems to find him anyway. At least he saw life as it was, though: absolute insanity. If your own life is spinning wildly off course due to the actions of others, it might be time to adopt this attitude and step away. It probably won’t last long because deep down, you really do love people, but it’s worth a shot.

“You’re too busy praising Jesus to realize your daughter wants to move in with him permanently.”

Sometimes people get so blinded by their own points of view that they lose sight of what’s really important. Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) was so focused on her own life that she didn’t see the emotional suffering of her daughter, Tara (Rutina Wesley). Lafayette was the only one who is there to call her out. Part of being the sane one is telling it like it is, even when the rest of the world ignores it. Lafayette may not have always relished his role as a truth teller, but someone had to do it.

“Buddha wasn’t lying when he said life is suffering. It don’t mean you get to check out early and leave me here.”

Tara Thornton had undoubtedly one of the hardest lives on True Blood — between her childhood filled with abuse to being turned into a vampire against her will. Tara had more than enough to be angry about, is what I’m saying. However, Lafayette was always there to remind her that life was still worth living, even when it seemed unbearable. It can be hard to see the good in things when the world’s gone crazy, but it’s the sane one’s job to help everyone else find a little light.

“I ain’t Gmail for dead b*tches.”

Sometimes people will just continue to take and take and take unless you put your foot down. In order to stay stable, you have to learn to say no once in a while. It may be hard and even against your emotional makeup, but it will be better for your sanity in the long run. People need to learn to fix their own problems from time to time. Even if people aren’t hitting you up with messages from the beyond, they probably still want something from you.

“‘Wrong place at the wrong f*cking time’ oughta be my middle f*cking name”

Even when he tried to stay above the fray, Lafayette got pulled into the mess more often than he would have liked. Try as he might to stay out of it, sometimes all he could do was put on a fabulous head scarf, and do what needed doing. Trouble always followed Lafayette, even when he wasn’t looking for it. Even when you’re trying to keep an even keel, the drama of life will probably crowd out your zen. Do your best to keep calm, but sometimes it will just seem impossible.

“Hooker, you know I’m right.”

Yes, you probably are, Lala.

“Excuse me, who ordered the hamburger with AIDS?”

While many people were dealing with vampires and witches, Lafayette also had to deal with homophobes in his southern small town. The kind of bigotry brought to his door often defies logic, and Lala had his own special way of dealing with this kind of hate. In the face of injustice and just plain wrong thinking, sometimes you have to put the truth in terms that people can actually understand.

“Somebody needs to slap that b*tch.”

Every once in a while, someone needed a cold dose of reality, and Lafayette was the best one to bring it. Part of being the sane one in your squad is acknowledging when someone’s crossed a line, be they friend or foe. While you probably shouldn’t condone violence, a knock upside the head would do many people a little good.

“Creepy spirit thingy, why you in Sookie’s bathroom?”

Honestly, the stuff in Bon Temps got so crazy that everyone became kind of numb to how insane life actually was. However, Lafayette still managed to call out the absurdity when he saw it. Whether it was the fact that his boyfriend was a witch or that Sookie was having fairy visions in her bathroom, Lafayette got progressively more chill with the crazy occurrences in the True Blood universe. Sometimes, in order to stay sane, you have to embrace the insanity.

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All The Times Pam And Eric Gave You Your Relationship Goals On ‘True Blood’

by Alyssa Fikse

Sure, there were vampires, werewolves, and religious murder cults, but at its heart, True Blood is about relationships. While things may have mostly revolved around Sookie Stackhouse’s (Anna Paquin) love life, the best relationship on the show was easily the longstanding friendship between Pam De Beaufort (Kristen Bauer van Straten) and Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård). After Eric sired Pam and gave her a new life in 1904, the two proceeded to face the dangerous life in the vampire underworld side by side.

While their relationship wasn’t classically romantic (although the two had chemistry to burn), their love for one another went deeper than that. Between the ’80s flashbacks and the track suit phase, these two saw each other through terrible fashion choices, but that was only the surface level connection. Even though their respective relationships with Tara Thorton (Rutina Wesley) and Sookie may have crashed and burned, they always found their way back to the one relationship that always withstood the stress of Fangtasia. Eric and Pam’s partnership is a clear source of relationship goals, and here are a few of their greatest hits.

“Is There Blood In My Hair?”

True Blood was always the best at undercutting the gore and bloodshed with the darkest humor. However, one of their very funniest moments happened early on in the show. When Eric has Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) chained in his basement after his stint as a V dealer broke bad, Eric comes strolling downstairs to deal with some escapees with coloring foils in his hair. After the incident turns violent and Eric becomes a bloody mess, his first concern is if there’s blood in his hair, telling Lafayette, “This is bad. Pam’s going to kill me,” after confirming that he did, in fact, get a little blood on him. Find yourself someone who not only has your back in a fight, but who is also there to do your highlights (or at least understands the importance of haircare). It doesn’t hurt if you’re driven to not piss them off as well.

That Indelible Trust

Despite constantly shifting alliances, Pam and Eric always have each other’s back, even in the face of the true death. Eric has a bad habit of killing important vampires who get in his way or threaten Sookie, so he is often a wanted man. However, Pam always has his back, whether it is keeping his secrets or taking care of their bar while he’s away. Sookie may go running back to Bill (Stephen Moyer) or Alcide (Joe Mangianello) time and time again, but Pam is always there for him, even in the face of the true death. That kind of trust is hard to find, especially in someone who gets you at such a fundamental level. While the bond between maker and child is always strong, these two really take that trust to new heights.

Pam Calls Out Eric

Sookie may have been the protagonist, but a lot of the characters got the short end of the stick because of her choices, and Eric’s obsession with the southern belle occasionally took its toll on his friendship with Pam. When everyone around Sookie tends to fall at her feet (fairy blood tends to have that effect), Pam is the only one who calls it like it is, exclaiming “I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and incredibly stupid name!” While that certainly doesn’t deter Eric in his quest to make Sookie his, Pam time and time again proves her worth as a friend to call him out on his sh*t. There really aren’t many friendship qualities more important than that.

Eric Releases Pam

In order to award Pam her freedom and safety in the face of battling Russell Edginton (Denis O’Hare) during season 5, Eric releases her from the traditional bonds of sire and child. Wanting her to be safe from the repercussions of his possible true death, Eric selflessly puts Pam above himself after their many years together. However, Pam, to her credit, still stays, even when she is no longer magically compelled to aid her sire. A friend who sticks by your side even when it is against their benefit is really a gift, and these two see each other through it all, literally. Maenads, werepanthers, and psychotic covens are no match for these two.

The Quest For A Cure

When Eric contracts the deadly Hep-V and goes into hiding in the Rhone Valley, Pam never wavers in her quest to find her maker and then the cure. Even at the end of the show’s run, their love for one another is undying, with Eric not wanting Pam to contract the virus from him and Pam not letting him go quietly into the night. She certainly isn’t going to let him die on her watch, after all that they have been through together (she had already helped him cure his amnesia, so what’s a killer disease or two?). As she helps him track down Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp) and the cure, it’s as clear as ever that these two are ride or die.

Flashbacks

These two have survived some gnarly stuff together, but the strange decades of bad hair might be the very worst. Before the end of season seven, fans got a good look into the history of Pam and Eric, starting when he sired her when she was a madam at the turn of the century, through running a video store in the ’80s, all the way up to the founding of Fangtasia in the present. Remember, memories (even embarrassing ones) can be the mortar that holds the bricks of a relationship together.

Together To The End

After Sookie marries some random guy unknown to the audience, seemingly leaving the supernatural world behind, the disappointment among Team Eric fans was palpable. Bill was dead! This was there time to finally make it work! But alas, it was not meant to be. However, Eric and Pam teaming up to start a “New Blood” beverage empire that capitalized on a cure for Hep V was really an inspired way to end their story. These two would probably stick together forever and then some, trading side eye and good natured barbs back and forth the entire way.