Quotes From Herm Edwards’ Bizarre Arizona State Introductory Press Conference, Ranked

Herm Edwards, who has not coached a football game since he was fired by the Kansas City Chiefs in 2008, was introduced as the new head coach of Arizona State on Monday.

Herm Edwards, who has never been a head coach in college football, was hired to replace Todd Graham, who Arizona State spent $12 million to buyout, only to keep the entire staff in place otherwise and install Edwards to be, essentially, the figurehead of the football program. Arizona State’s official release was bizarre, with them outlining their new model for how the program will be run with Edwards acting as a CEO head coach and recruiting (again, something he’s never really done before!).

“The department’s New Leadership Model will be similar to an NFL approach using a general manager structure. It’s a collaborative approach to managing the ASU football program that includes sport and administrative divisions, which will operate as distinct, but collective units focused on elevating all aspects of Sun Devil Football. This structure will allow the department to form a multi-layered method to the talent evaluation and recruiting processes, increase its emphasis on both student-athlete and coach development and retention, and provide a boost in resource allocation and generation.”

That’s really weird, right?! After Herm’s introductory press conference, this will sound completely and totally normal compared to everything Edwards and his agent, who was for some reason asked to intro Edwards, said to the media. Let’s take a trip through this absurd press conference with the most ridiculous things said by Herm or about Herm, from the “what?” variety to “this has to be an elaborate prank.”

Here we go!

5. Coaching Coaches

Herm Edwards is taking his CEO role very seriously.

4. The World Need To Huddle

I look forward to hearing more on Herm’s philosophical outlook on the world.

3. Herm Edwards, Luxury Watch?

Herm’s agent came out trying to sell his client hard to the fans, making sure they know he’s modern, but with timeless elements. Like your favorite Breitling. There’s a hint of class, but he’s not out of touch with today’s style.

2. The Scoreboard Of Life

This was, until we got to No. 1, what I assumed would be the lock of locks for the best quote of the day. It’s the evolutionary step in Butch Jones’ “Champions of Life” quote from two years ago at Tennessee, for which he got relentlessly mocked. This one won’t go away either, as I can guarantee you every time Arizona State’s offense struggles “the Scoreboard of Life” will be referenced on Twitter.

1. The Devil Is A Lie

Hot damn, does Herm know what the Arizona State mascot is? Was he at all curious why there are a buncha pitchforks behind him? I choose to believe the answers to those questions were “no” and “yes.” There’s a non-zero chance Herm makes a public push to change the school’s mascot this season and I cannot wait for it to happen.

Herm is about to hit the recruiting trail this weekend, and this is going to be one of the most fun things to watch in college football over the next season. The charm might wear off (some Sparky supporters might be already over it and frustrated by the whole thing), but from the outside it’s going to be fascinating watching Edwards navigate the college football world and how the “new model” of structuring the program works.