Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) – SVU takes on the Duke porn star story tonight, as a college student gets into pornography and is then assaulted on campus by students “who confuse fantasy with reality.” I like to think this show doesn’t even have writers, just an algorithm that scans CNN headlines and mishmashes them into a plot. “BLEEP BLORP NEXT WEEK BZZZZHONK NFL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BZZZZZ.”
ABC’s Comedy Block (ABC, 8:00-10:00 p.m.) – All new episodes of ABC’s two-hour, mom-approved Wednesday night comedy block. I mean “mom-approved” in the nicest way possible. Everybody loves their mom. Well, maybe not everybody.
The 100 (CW, 9:00 p.m.) Season premiere. According to TV Guide, “an enemy returns” and someone “makes a heroic decision.” So, there’s that. Question for the crowd: I missed Season 1 of this … worth watching?
Franklin & Bash (TNT, 10:00 p.m.) – Season 4 finale. Seeing as my precious Franklin & Bash got renewed at the last minute last year and hasn’t exactly set the world on fire this season, this could be the last we see of the lawyers I affectionately refer to as Shortbro and Tallbro. Cherish these moments, for they may be our last. [pours out sip of 40, beer bongs the remaining 38 ounces]
American Horror Story: Freak Show (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – I don’t know maybe a clown with swords for legs murders a gypsy with the head of a dog?
The League (FXX, 10:00 p.m.) – Pete names his team something so offensive that Kevin won’t even repeat it. Where’s Rafi at when you need him?
Key & Peele (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) – No South Park this week, so our heroes are standing alone tonight. If this sketch is any indication, they’ll do just fine.
Web Therapy (Showtime, 11:00 p.m.) – Season 4 premiere. Tonight Gwyneth Paltrow guest stars as someone named Maya Ganesh, a name I choose to believe she selected for herself. Fun fact: I had, like, 80% forgotten Gwyneth Paltrow was an actress.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Keanu Reeves and Mike Epps on Kimmel; Jason Schwartzman and Jacqueline Toboni on Ferguson; and Kat Dennings, Wyatt Cenac, and Tenacious D on Conan. Everyone else is in repeats.
