It’s been over 40 years since Jaws terrorized Amity Island beachgoers on the big screen, but the film still seems to be the first thing that comes to mind whenever news of a shark attack breaks. A shark attack can be explained away by experts as a random occurrence. Maybe you wore something shiny, or you were bleeding. Maybe you looked like a seal. Maybe you just looked at the shark funny and he was having a bad day at work.
Whatever it is, a shark attack is always thought of like a strike of lightning. One shark attack, not two. Two shark attacks in the same area gets our attention and the experts can get a face-smush with their facts, lectures, and history lessons. Three shark attacks in the same area within 180 minutes? Uh, uh. Nope. That’s a clear sign there is a demon-beast lurking in the water, hungry for human tastes. Three attacks in the same waters in under three hours didn’t even happen in Jaws. Even he gave people a night of sleep to think about him.
This nightmare scenario happened in New Smyrna Beach in Florida on Sunday, and it’s time to sound some alarms, call the police chief, and send out our best fishermen to spear this demogorgon before it causes anymore more harm. To make you fully understand what went on at this single Florida beach in the same amount of time it takes the Marlins and Braves to play a 1-0 snoozer, let’s go over the timeline of events that transpired.
- 10:43 a.m.: A 43-year-old man from Longwood, Fla. is bitten on the lower leg and ankle area while surfing.
- 11:13 a.m.: Less than 30 minutes later a 36-year-old Miami man was bitten on both hands while surfing.
- 1:00 p.m.: A 16-year-old boy from New Smyrna was bitten on his inner thigh while surfing.
Yup, that’s not okay. Either there is a man-eating shark in the New Smyrna Beach waters or a shark that just really isn’t a fan of surfing and has had enough. In the shark’s defense, New Smyrna Beach is commonly referred to as the “shark bite capital of the world,” so it’s sort of on these people for making poor life choices.
Police have advised beachgoers to not go in the waters above their knees, which seems like good advice for anyone that hates their body below their knees.
(Via NBC News)