Keeping up with the Joneses is a phrase that took on a life of its own, and when you look at it through NBA-colored glasses, you can see why: it’s a pretty popular last name. 45 NBA players have been named Jones, and while that’s a pretty cool stat, three other last names are actually more common among NBA/ABA players.
On Friday, I put together a list of some of my favorite NBA names ever. In the process of writing that, I figured I should do something on the best/most frequently used last names in NBA history. Could the Joneses beats the Williamses? Who would start for the Johnsons? Could the actual Barry family beat some of these teams?
For instance, a frontline of Dwight Howard, Juwan Howard and Josh Howard looks pretty formidable, but when you realize every other player named Howard (besides one exception) lasted less than two years in the NBA, it becomes apparent: Howard isn’t a go-to last name.
The contenders for the best NBA last name:
THE MIDDLEWEIGHTS:
Team Green (20 players)
starters: A.C., Jeff, Rickey, Sidney & Willie
rotation bench players: Johnny & Mike
They would be the sacrificial lamb. When you’re best player doesn’t even start on his own team, you’re in trouble.
Team Thomas (18)
starters: Isiah, Tim, Kenny, Kurt & Tyrus
rotation bench players: Etan
The tweener team. Take away the Hall of Fame PG and you have four forwards starting who could all be considered tweeners. I would give them the win over the Greens, but who knows if Isiah had any other tricks up his sleeve?
Team Miller (14)
starters: Reggie, Mike, Brad, Andre & Oliver
rotation bench players: no one
If this were four on four, they’d be dangerous. Oliver counts for three roster spots.
Team Robinson (20)
starters: Clifford, Nate, Truck, Glenn & David
rotation bench players: Cliff, Eddie & Rumeal
They have a few of my favorite players ever: Cliff & Clifford (two different people amazingly), and Eddie, who before he fell off the face of the Earth, was THE man.
Team Jackson (25)
starters: Bobby, Jim, Mark, Stephen & Phil
rotation bench players: Marc, Jaren & Luke
Solid all-around team, but where is the star power? Phil and Stephen would undoubtedly clash.
THE HEAVYWEIGHTS:
Team Brown (34)
starters: Dee, Kwame, Shannon, P.J. & Fred
rotation bench players: Devin, Chucky & Randy
Brown = ordinary. This team = extra ordinary.
Team Davis (38)
starters: Ricky, Dale, Antonio, Baron & Hubert
rotation bench players: Glen, Ed & Walter
Can’t you see the Davis brothers knocking out both Ricky and Baron after just a quarter or two? The backcourt would be competing for who can be the first player to take five consecutive pull-up threes.
Team Johnson (55)
starters: Vinnie, Marques, Magic, Larry & Joe
rotation bench players: Kevin & Eddie
The Dream Team of last names? I think so. They even have an All-Star coming off the bench.
Team Jones (45)
starters: Bobby, Sam, K.C., Eddie & Damon
rotation bench players: Popeye & Fred
How would this team’s old-school vibe mesh with the flamboyance of “Red Suit” Damon?
Team Smith (53)
starters: J.R., Joe, Josh, Steve & Charles
rotation bench players: Adrian
They’d dunk like crazy, get layups blocked at the rim like crazy and sign illegal contracts like crazy.
Team Williams (66)
starters: Buck, Deron, Jason, Jerome, Mo & Marvin
rotation bench players: Aaron, Alvin, Lou & Jay
A sleeper, if only because they have the talent to play five PGs at once.
Which squad would destroy everyone else and proclaim complete last name domination?
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