Kevin Johnson, an accused sexual predator many times over and the soon-to-be-former mayor of Sacramento, was hit in the face with a pie at a benefit dinner Wednesday night. Sean Thompson, the 32-year-old pie thrower, was arrested after Johnson wailed on him “5-to-10 times” and left him bloodied, according to the East Bay Express.
Neither the Sacramento Bee nor the East Bay Express have clear details on Thompson’s motivations or the type of pie used in this brazen attack. Thompson may have tossed the pie to draw attention to Johnson’s possible sexual misconducts, but this was a farm-to-table event, so maybe he was annoyed about a made-up term that essentially means nothing that causes a hike in the cost of eating.
There’s no police report as of now.
While some of the details are unclear, many are not, thanks to a spokesperson for Johnson giving some of the most blatantly-spun quotes you’ll ever see. Let’s examine them.
“Let me be clear, the mayor was assaulted tonight,” said spokeswoman Crystal Strait. “He is home with his family…The whole thing is just shocking.”
He was hit with a pie, not a baseball bat. Can’t you just picture KJ sitting around with his family in a group hug, rocking back and forth while he weeps because someone smacked him in the face with a baked good?
“He brought (the pie) with him. He pulled it out of a bag,” she said.
This is relevant because it lets us know the “assault” was premeditated.
It’s not as if Thompson was walking around the benefit, saw a pie on a table and thought, “Here’s my chance.”
“It was a blur,” she said.
It was as if The Flash himself descended upon our innocent mayor. I’m getting the vapors just talking about it.
“The mayor just felt he was being punched in the face,” she said.
The only way you can think fruit, crust and perhaps whipped cream is like getting punched in the face is if you’ve never been punched in the face. A pie is such a non-lethal item that there is a billion-dollar movie franchise based on the idea you can have sex with a pie.
Somehow Johnson survived and still gave his speech. There’s no video yet, but we’d love to see it if you have it.
UPDATE:
The Sacramento Police Department (h/t Deadspin) released a photo of pie-thrower Sean Thompson, and it’s hard to swallow the idea that Kevin Johnson was the victim here.
