LeBron James is extremely good, both at basketball and social commentary. That is why it pains me so much to see that he has such a bad opinion when it comes to pasta. This tweet made its way into LeBron’s timeline in one way or another on Monday afternoon.
if she uses angel hair noodles for her Spaghetti leave her house immediately 🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽
— 73-9 and THEY LIED (@CuffsTheLegend) August 14, 2017
LeBron, who I again must reiterate is extremely good, decided to quote tweet this and drop an opinion that is so bad that it made me angry.
ASAP!!!! Way to soupy if u use those noddles. No substance at all. 🗑 https://t.co/GYXfn86Xy8
— LeBron James (@KingJames) August 14, 2017
What the heck are you talking about, LeBron James? Angel hair is awesome. I am very mad, and I expect better from LeBron than to have such a bad food take. Here are a list of reasons why angel hair rules:
- It is a thin pasta, meaning it lends itself to being covered in lighter sauces, which are unequivocally the best sauces for consuming pasta. Who doesn’t love a nice, light marinara? Or a clam sauce, made with so much garlic and white wine and olive oil and lemon that one bite makes you feel like you’re on a beach somewhere. Even something as simple as some butter/olive oil and parmesan is great! Sure, it doesn’t work for, like, an alfredo sauce, but you should not frequently eat alfredo sauce or else your cholesterol is going to look like a zip code. Eat pasta. Eat angel hair.
- Its thinness makes it perfect in any role. Wanna make it a side? Go ahead, have a nice, small bowl as a side while you consume a meal. Put it under a chicken breast that has been pounded out and fried golden brown and delicious for a wonderful compliment to chicken parmesan. Or just cook up some meat and veggies and drop it in, and you have a staple of every single guy’s diet.
- LeBron’s big beef seems to be that his angel hair gets soupy. Well, LeBron, just don’t overcook the dang noodles! Or just make sure you drain them properly after you cook them! Give ’em a good shake and a toss and don’t take them out until the noodles stop dripping water. Oh, and DO NOT RINSE THEM AFTER YOU DRAIN THEM. It washes away some of the starches makes it harder for the sauce (see point No. 1) to stick on. I know this because on an episode of Chopped once someone did this and Scott Conant nearly ran over to their station and gave them a pedigree. If you’re worried this means it’ll turn into one big ball of noodles, no worries: You’re gonna toss it in the sauce like the guy from Binging With Babish instructed in his Elf video and it’ll come out looking gorgeous.
- Have you ever put a ton of angel hair on a fork and slowly ate away at it? It rules and makes you feel like you’re eating some weird fair food, right? Obviously LeBron has never done this. He should. You cannot do this with other pastas that do not congeal as easily. Like you can’t do this with bowties, that’d be weird.
Eat more angel hair, LeBron. Just trust me on this. I will even come to your house and make it for you and hopefully it all works out well. I am just devastated by the fact that you have such a negative view on such a great type of pasta.
