Last Week’s Hot Links, With Laremy
‘Ghost’ love has lingered for 25 years – From CNN
Man, was Demi Moore young here. There’s was a legitimate moment when her and the chick from Point Break (Lori Petty?) were rivals to see who would rock short-haired vixen status before Demi pulled away like she was working with a straight eight.
Best quote from the article:
“The pottery scene was so powerful that two versions of “Unchained Melody” — a reissue of the original and a new recording — hit Billboard’s Hot 100. Both made the Top 20.”
Here’s a true story for you, after I saw Ghost as a lad I fell in love with that “Unchained Melodies” song. I was putting it on mix tapes, singing it in the shower, the whole thing. It’s no wonder I hit puberty so late. Also, Patrick Swayze is dead now. #Facts #Trivia
The Grantland Question – From The Classical
Here’s the problem with vanity projects. When the vanity leaves, the project be sinking. I love Grantland, for sports at least (their movies content tends towards suckage). Zach Lowe is the tits.
Best quote from the article:
“And in that sense, among others, their model has tremendous merit.”
Sure, it has merit, but you can’t make money off of it. People, in general, favor short-form “hot takes!” online. Vince’s writing is right at the outer levels of people’s attention spans. I ran one of these projects myself, Film.com, and the more “quality” articles I tried to do the more I was punished. Better to run Kardashian/Upton mashups and retire to the beach. We all get the world we deserve, which is why I’m 30 pounds overweight, still can’t smile right from my Bell’s Palsy attack two years ago, and twitch an awful lot.
The Story Behind ‘Valerian,’ the Most Important Sci-Fi Comic America Hasn’t Heard Of – From The Hollywood Reporter
I haven’t heard of this.
Best quote from the article:
“… an inspiration for a number of far more famous sci-fi projects, including Star Wars and Besson’s own The Fifth Element.”
Oh shiiiiiz. Fifth Element makes me extremely happy. The ghost of Chris Tucker, a version of the future I can get behind, and Milla doing Milla Jovavich stuff.
Next Green Lantern Film will be Green Lantern Corps. – From RopeofSilicon
I like this one Green Lantern named Guy Gardner, because he was in one of my favorite comics, “Justice League International.” No, not the dumb one called “Justice League America.” Don’t get it twisted.
Best quote from the article:
“Will this be John Stewart, like rumors suggest, joining Hal Jordan on the big screen or maybe someone like Guy Gardner?”
He’d better if they want my $22 ticket for 3-D IMAX Dolby Digital! Plus dibs ice cream!
Christopher Nolan Has Finished A Script For His Next Project – From /Film
Is it cool yet to hate Christopher Nolan? Because I don’t. I lurve him. Lurve him like methadone.
Best quote from the article:
“We don’t know whether this is an adaptation or an original idea, what genre the movie might be in, or when it might begin shooting.”
Hmmmm. Probably should have just run this headline with an EOM at the end of it.
The explosive Runaways rape story: Will Joan Jett speak up for her bandmates now? – From Salon
Judging from that headline, I’m going to say probably not.
Best quote from the article:
“In the June 1975 issue of Back Door Man, an influential L.A. ’zine, he spelled out his desires in a personal ad that included a cheesy photo of him in a white sport coat and white pants. It began, “If you are eighteen and like it or if you are under 18 and legally emancipated (with paper work) then you may have just stumbled upon the opportunity of a lifetime.”
That doesn’t sound like a good opportunity to me. I do like the paperwork angle though. “Hmmm, everything seems to be in order here. Okay, let’s get you sexually assaulted!”
Pixar’s Scientific Method – From The New Yorker
You ready for a genius chestnut?
Best quote from the article:
“It turns out you are affected by the colors and so forth,” Catmull said. The artists create a script that plans out the colors and moods for each film”
Yeah, no kidding, colors affect mood?! I guarantee you Pixar figured that out 15 years ago. What they’re NOT telling you is they have an exact formula to the millisecond, of the brainwaves of people watching film. It was perfected in Toy Story. It’s the template you find in almost every movie these days, neural patterns being manipulated to never let you disengage. Bright colors and camera views, along with the cadence of jokes, serious moments, and the rest of it. It’s not only scary, it’s damned effective, and we’ve largely bought this cow. Someone really needs to come along and screw this process right up. It can’t be me, because I suck at filmmaking.
Let’s Explore The Corrupt Town That Inspired True Detective – From Deadspin.com
Yes, LET US.
Best quote from the article:
“There is no such place as Vinci, Calif., but as showrunner Nic Pizzolatto revealed in that bonkers Vanity Fair profile, it is based on a real city in California known as Vernon, located about five miles south of Los Angeles and covering just over five square miles of land.”
This place seems great. You get a cool couple million for being one of the 100 residents. It’s like working for Joe Uproxxxxxx, only the opposite.
Science’s Superior Superhero – From Slate
So wait, this guy is an ant?
Best quote from the article:
“Let’s start with the name. Three out of three scientists agree: Our new superhero “would definitely be a female,” says evolutionary biologist Rachelle Adams, who’s starting a professorship at Ohio State University.”
Ah-ha! Once, again Hollywood insect sexism strikes. Remember A Bug’s Life? Honey, I Shrunk the Kids? Nothing changes, man, it just gets more the same.
Quentin Tarantino’s ‘The Hateful Eight’ Dropped A Brand New Poster At Comic-Con – from Uproxxxxx
Inglourious Basterds was QT’s best film, right in front of Kill Bill 2, but I have the highest of hopes for The Hateful Eight, much like when someone is spooning out platefuls of lasagna and it’s between me and another guy for the crispy burnt corner piece.
Best quote from the article:
Behold, the new poster for Quentin Tarantino’s anticipated film The Hateful Eight is here — thanks to the geeky wonders of the San Diego Comic-Con and social media.
I went to comic-con a few times. Stood in line for seven hours to watch footage of Twilight and Avatar. Questioned a lot of things about my life directly afterward. Didn’t go anymore after that, and upon hearing people waited two nights for Star Wars marketing materials I shared a good chuckle with myself.
Comcast to Launch Internet TV Service Dubbed Stream – From The Hollywood Reporter
If we’ve learned anything about Comcast then we can assume this will be a pro-consumer / bargain / awesome interface masterpiece.
Best quote from the article:
“The way we watch TV has become more personal than ever,” Strauss explained. “I like to watch live on the big screen in my living room. My kids, on the other hand, prefer to catch up with their favorite shows on their laptops, on demand.” He added that the new streaming service “furthers our goal to provide TV choices for everyone.”
“Also, my kids hate me,” he helpfully added. “It might be because I charge them $150 a month for cable they don’t want and Internet speeds that rival third-world nations. Ha! I’m the worst dad ever.”
50 Cent Files for Bankruptcy – From The Hollywood Reporter
I guess that’s why they call it the blues.
Best quote from the article:
“According to court documents filed in the U.S. Bankruptcy in Hartford, Conn., Curtis Jackson’s “debts are primarily consumer debts.” The rapper reported assets and liabilities ranging from $10-$50 million.”
The jokes here write themselves, so I’m going to go a different direction. What I wanna know is how I can get a $50m line of credit for one or two songs about bouncing in the club. Reverse racism, amiright? #GoesBothWays
46-0 Soccer Match: How it Happened – From The SportsonEarth
I think there’s a solid book about Vanautu called, “The Sex Lives of Cannibals“. Maybe give that a lil’ read for the lolz. Wait, is that about Tarawa? Hmmm. Something out there is about Vanautu, I swear. Maybe his follow-up book? People, I’m not going to do all the research for you. Get off your keisters.
Best quote from the article:
“Micronesia’s manager Stan Foster said after the match that was the first time many of his players have played on a pitch designed for 11-a-side teams.”
So it didn’t go their way. If I’m them I pick myself up, dust myself off, forget all about it and ask MACROamnesia to enter the fray. Big brother gonna flip ya, gonna flip ya for real.
That’s all I’ve got for now, you stay sassy and bawdy!
Laremy is on Twitter and enjoys an occasional Doritos taco.