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Friday Conversation: What Five Things Would You Bring Into Your Doomsday Shelter?

With 10 Cloverfield Lane highlighting the joys of living in a fallout shelter (haven’t seen it, that’s about right, right?), we thought it made sense to ask our staff to weigh in on what they’ve been hoarding or what they’d like to party with while riding out the end of days. Warning: These answers may delight, confuse, and horrify you — they’ve certainly made me suspect of some of my co-workers — but perhaps you’ll also get some inspiration for your own apocalypse preparation guide. And naturally, we want you to get in on the fun and tell us what it is you’d bring down with you into a bunker.

Power

1. Power source
2. Television set
3. DVD player with necessary cables for hookup
4. The first two seasons of Lost, because the rest are crap.
5. Noise-killing headphones, so that I don’t hear The Numbers and become cursed. –Andrew Husband

Scotch And Stationary

I’m not a very practical person when it comes to survivalist scenarios, and I’m assuming (hoping, really) that this shelter is stocked with enough food and water to at least keep me alive until the Earth is ready for restoring. If that’s the case, then my five items would be mostly for my own comfort: a Kindle pre-loaded with a bajillion books, a ream of paper and a pen for writing my doomsday shelter memoir, a deck of cards, and a bottle of aged single malt Scotch. Because that stuff is already in short supply, and I might as well enjoy my time down there anyway. –Emily Huffman

End Of The World Source Material

Without a doubt, I’d take my copies of Marvel’s original Infinity Gauntlet six-issue miniseries, and any related crossover issues I happen to have. Not because of any sort of monetary value, but if civilization as we know it is destroyed before the end of Phase 3, it’s important that future generations know how the source material ended. – Christian Long

Bad Movies And Someone To Watch Them With

Assuming that my Doomsday shelter would already have the essentials (food, water, power, medicine), I’d be a little self-indulgent. I’d probably bring:

The entire $5 movie bin from Walmart because there’s no such thing as “bad” movies in the apocalypse.

A copy of The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien because it’s my favorite book in the world, and I’m sure I could draw at least some parallels between Doomsday and the Vietnam War.

A really big stick like Morgan from The Walking Dead because, while I’m not really violent, zombies may or may not be a part of the equation and you’ve got to stay prepared.

Another person to share all of this stuff with because I’ve watched the first two episodes of The Last Man on Earth and it’s not pretty.

Lastly, a TV to actually watch all of those movies on. What else would I do with them? Make coasters? –Keith Reid-Cleveland

The Right Tool

hatchett
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Assuming this doomsday shelter is fully stocked with stuff, I’d bring just one thing: A hatchet. Seriously, this always drives me crazy with pop culture doomsday stuff; if you’re going to be stuck in the woods or some other location for a long-ass time, bring a damn hatchet! It’s utile, it’s easier to use than a survival knife, and we don’t see nearly enough hatchets thrown into zombie skulls. –Dan Seitz

Goin’ Out A Gamer

1. A contraption for boiling water
2. Jumbo pack of lighters
3. A Hawaiian shirt
4. Game Boy (with some games)
5. Some old ‘Nintendo Power’ mags

Bottom line, the chance of me surviving any apocalypse is slim. But I could see myself surviving for a little bit. I would not be one of the first people to just lose it and die within that first month (maybe). So, if I have only a couple months to live, I am going out hydrated while reading and gaming in a nicely dim-lit dungeon. The American dream! –Jameson Brown

An Elegant Survival Package

Donald Trump Holds News Conference In Jupiter, Florida
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Ask anyone on Earth and they will tell you that all I know how to do is win, so if the world comes to an end, you better believe I’m going to have best fallout shelter in the nicest neighborhood with the most restrictive guest list. It’s gonna have just a really tasteful waste processing system, fine sheets that a King would be lucky to use, and a lot of mirrors. It’s gonna be huge and I’m obviously going to cut a really beautiful deal on the price. The guys who build it are going to pay me. As for the supplies, all I can say is: luxury and elegance. So much luxegance that my face will get tired from all the tears of joy. Here’s the list:

1. Glorious Trump Water
2. Magnificent Trump Steaks
3. Trump Magazine
4. Fabulous Trump Vodka
5. A puzzle, maybe a landscape scene

Jason Tabrys

A Pillow Fort And The Knives To Protect It

Deciding what to bring into your Doomsday bunker is very serious business. You really need to consider two different things when picking the perfect items: Will this make my stay tolerable, and will this help me when I eventually have to leave my bunker?

1. The pillows and blankets necessary to build a small scale version of ‘Community’s pillow forts. Just because I’m in a bunker doesn’t mean I have to have a bad time.

2. A stack of my favorite books. Listen, my power source is probably limited, so unfortunately, television and movies are out. I just can’t take that risk. Books are a more responsible use of my resources.

3. The ingredients necessary to make a good old fashioned. Again, just because I’m in a bunker doesn’t mean I have to have a bad time.

4. Knives or a similar weapon. I’ll probably have a lot of downtime waiting out the apocalypse, so I should probably teach myself some valuable weapons skills in the meantime. I should at least be able to defend myself in some way when I emerge into whatever hellscape is left, right?

5. My chocolate chip cookie recipe. If I’m going to have to barter with our new alien overlords for my life, these cookies are the best way to do it. Hopefully at least one bottle of vanilla survives Doomsday. –Alyssa Fiske

Mac & Cheese And A Big Damn Gun

Kraft Foods To Split Into Two Companies
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I feel like this is probably the hardest ever Friday conversation question to answer honestly. Because in the real situation, everything changes. I’m going to try to play it straight up:
1. WATER — I really like Sparkletts, but I suppose in a pinch I could go with Aquafina or Dasani. If it’s Crystal Geyser, I might as well just let the zombies eat my brains.
2. FOOD — A crate of assorted non-perishables. Kraft Mac & Cheese for flavor, canned sauerkraut so that I don’t get scurvy.
3. MATCHES — For overnight ventures outside the shelter
4. A BIG KNIFE — Oh, mine is so boring, isn’t it? I should be dropping jokes and here I am desperately trying to SURVIVE THE GODDAMN APOCALYPSE.
5. Everyone I know is going to scold me for this, but, in this one situation, I’d like to have a big, RAPID FIRING GUN. Look how insane people are getting these days at f*cking political rallies! If the apocalypse hits, half of civilization will probably turn to cannibalism before Taco Bell even runs out of crunch wraps. –Steve Bramucci

So, what five things are on your Doomsday shelter ‘must-have’ list?

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