’90s fever is inescapable these days, what with the reboot of Surge soda hitting shelves and the return of such fashion gems as chokers and jelly shoes. While 2000s babies (who are now teens thanks to the unstoppable march of time) try to claim ownership of these “new” trends, 90s kids are getting to relive our childhoods set to the Fresh Prince theme. These are our things, dammit, and we will not hide our affinity for the ’90s!
Still, when taken too far, this nostalgia can have adverse effects and leave you feeling just as ostracized now as you did back then. Here are ten ways your ’90s love might be causing you modern-day chaos:
Going to school and trying to take care of your Tamagotchi has left you traumatized, but you’re ready to try again.
Tamagotchis burst on the scene in 1996 and were probably single-handedly the biggest cause of detention that year. Why were these digital pets so disruptive? Taking your eyes off the egg-shaped digital cage meant running the risk of killing your Tamagotchi or making it desperately unhappy.
If you missed the panic, horror, and hilarity of coming home from school to find a Tamagotchi screen filled with crap (or if, for some insane reason, you long to have those days back), have no fear — there’s now an Apple Watch app for that.
The dial-up connection sequence still haunts your nightmares.
Imagine all the LimeWire downloads, the AOL Instant Messenger chats, and the Yahoo! Games that have been ruined by a spotty connection or your mom just trying to dial out for some pizza.
The dial-up noise was both the best and worst thing about the early internet, at once signaling the thrill of getting connected and the fact that sh*t just took waaaaay longer back then. Miss it? You shouldn’t.
There’s only one kind of Power Ranger to you.
The Power Rangers brand is still kicking and has gone through about eighty billion reboots, putting our colorful heroes in space, with dinosaurs, and some type of psychosomatic disease known as “Jungle Fury.”
True ’90s loyalists don’t recognize these spin offs though. They virulently assert that there is only one true version of Power Rangers — and those are the Mighty Morphin’.
…And only 150 Pokemon.
Pokemon originally had 150 cute battling critters, not including the rare and magical Mew. They’ve since ballooned up to 721, which honestly sounds like an infestation. That’s way too much to keep track of, and now the franchise doesn’t even feel even remotely related to the Pocket Monsters you knew and love.
If this really bothers you, you might be taking the ’90s love too far.
You wish you kept all your inflatable furniture for college.
Imagine how boss your first week in college would’ve been with blow-up furniture? Now imagine how tragic it would be to have to purchase another inflatable couch because you busted your third one the day after finals.
Inflatable furniture doesn’t work, don’t waste time waxing poetic about it.
Not getting on Legends of the Hidden Temple is your biggest life regret.
You would’ve finally shown those clumsy Orange Iguanas and Purple Parrots who’s boss and been the only person in Legends of the Hidden Temple history to successfully assemble that bastard silver monkey.
Stop! You’re living in the past. Besides, your prize would probably have been some crappy set piece from Double Dare.
“No Scrubs” is your go-to karaoke song.
No, there is no other song out there for you. “Spice Up Your Life” might be a close second, though. Or maybe Regulate by Warren G and Nate Dogg.
Maybe this entry isn’t so problematic after all — those songs are jams!
No matter how hard you try, you’ll never forget how to do the Macarena.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiBYM6g8Tck
You’re the MVP of the go-to moves seen at middle school dances with hapless DJs, bar mitzvahs with hapless DJs, and weddings with hapless DJs. The Macarena is seared into your system, embedded deep within your soul. And it’s awful.
But at least it’s not the electric slide.
You begin everyday by doing a shoddy impression of the Blossom dance.
Impressive though this feat may be, if you’re doing this on a regular basis you may need to seek help.
You draw puppies and unicorns on work folders and you’re really upset that Lisa Frank merch is becoming an endangered species.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T0dyFjWdVo
Oh, you didn’t know? Sorry. Here, have a consolation meme.
