What The Heck Is Going On Between Amazon And Carl’s Jr?

It’s only been a few months since Carl’s Jr. closed the doors on a decade of using scantily clad ladies to shill their decadent burgers. We never thought that we would look back fondly at Paris Hilton alternately grubbing and soaping herself, but today’s evolving Carl’s Jr. campaign on social media has hit a thirst threshold that has us alternately awash in fremdscham and confusion.

What’s the story? The fast food brand began complimenting Amazon on October 8th by gushing over their speedy delivery and smiling boxes on Twitter, which was a little strange, in part because it was so contrived. But, it got real weird when Carl’s Jr. started begging Amazon to buy them.

Oh, Carl’s Jr., what are you doing? Yes, Amazon is making big news with its Whole Foods purchase and subsequent changes, but you don’t need to engage in these antics to steal their shine.

According to The Street, a spokesman said, “Carl’s Jr. sees a synergy between Amazon’s delivery service and [its own $5] meal boxes that just rolled out.”

No. No, you don’t see synergy. You see a chance to get attention. It’s like those awkward prom invitation videos that high school boys send hot, celebrity women. Amazon is out of your league. You should just ask Becky from Science class to buy you.

And, as if one or two tweets wasn’t enough, the brand tweeted one “big idea” an hour out to Amazon as a further incentive to pay attention.

Oh, but that wasn’t the end. They were back at it this morning inviting Amazon to meet with them.

And, the latest is a multimedia pitch presentation.

There’s no way that this is a legitimate bid for the company to be purchased, so one has to assume it is intended to get in front of potential customers. That might be a great move, if the people seeing this desperation were amused. Instead, they’re telling the company to stop trying to make #AmazonBuyUs happen. It’s never gonna happen.

We’re not saying the I-masturbate-with-my-hand-not-a-vibrator milkshake commercial was better, but when it screamed “Look at me! Look at me!” and hopped around, at least we understood the point.