Life

The ‘Cloud Egg’ Is A Beautiful Food Trend We Can Completely Get Behind


You CAN catch a cloud and pin it down. The nuns from The Sound of Music are about to have their minds blown.

When dating someone, it’s very important to get their egg order early on, because it’ll tell you who you’re dealing with. Like an adult who prefers their eggs scrambled probably had a parent leave them when they were very young. They have serious abandonment issues that they’ll transfer to you. Hard boiled, and you know you’re in for a perfectionist who always does their taxes three months in advance and will drive you insane with their cleanliness. If your date orders sunny side up? They’re a world traveler who sleeps with a different guy or gal at every port and probably has a nasty parasite from that trip to the Amazon last month. Then, there’s cloud eggs. If the person you’re dating orders those, well, you aren’t dating a mere mortal, friends. You’re dating a God.

For, you see, everyone searches the earth for runny yolks but no one wants runny egg whites. That’s gross. It’s the great dilemma we all face, a mystery of the universe that scientists have devoted their lives to study. How can we have fluffy egg whites that still have a perfectly runny yolks? HOW? More than one researcher has gone mad from it all, their decades of study culminating in them sewing the head of a chicken onto a pillow. BUT NO MORE.

Cloud eggs are here. A cloud egg is made by separating the yolk from the whites, then whipping the egg whites, putting them on a baking sheet, and baking them in the oven for a few minutes. Right at the end, you add back in the yolk for just a minute or two. And voila! You have the perfect runny egg with the fluffiest of all the egg whites cushioning it.

When you pull that perfect egg out of the oven, and present it to the world, your whole life changes. You are no longer that little boy who wet himself on the bus in second grade. You are the master of your domain, purveyor of perfection. You will come to know what Michelangelo felt, the moment he put the final strokes on the Sistine Chapel. What it was like to take the first steps on the moon. You are the Alpha and Omega, and the rest of us mere ants on the ground with our petty problems and insecurities. You, controller of the cloud egg, are everything.

So how will you serve your cloud egg? The possibilities are endless. You can serve them in the metal tray you saved from that time you were a prisoner of war and they slid your meals through a slot under the door:

Or with the small amount of French fries you found on the floor of your car:

Why not try making them in the shape of the rabbit from Donnie Darko just to remind yourself, he’s always watching….

Or with whatever pellets your hamster has licked but decided “taste a little off”:

They’re excellent served with the flesh of one of your enemies thinly sliced:

But are especially delicious when made the same color and consistency of playdough:

And they’re a delicious way to make a point too. Like you can put two yolks in one egg to remind your boyfriend of the suffocating nature of your living situation from which you’ll never let him escape:


But however you serve your own cloud eggs, just know, there is no wrong way. You have the cloud eggs, food of the Gods, and your life is instantly better for it. For remember, some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some find greatness only through cooking cloud eggs. Go forth and figure out how to cook cloud eggs, guys. It will be your legacy and the greatest gift you could leave humanity.

(H/T: Grubstreet)

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