Life

From Flakey Skin To Poor Life Choices, We Designed These Five Smoothies For YOU!

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It’s a tough time of year. Our skin looks dry, we’re hungover, we ate too much and maybe feel sad about all the Holiday Cards we don’t want to address and stamp and “uuuuugh I have to mail them now too?!?”

It’s time for a restorative. A pick-me-up. A healing concoction. Here are some killer smoothie recipes that are all #KALEFREE! And still work wonders:

 

You’ve Looked Better, Pumpkin Smoothie

Get this guy a smoothie and some candle light STAT!
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Get this guy a smoothie and some candlelight STAT!

Still have some pumpkin puree left over from the Whoopie Pie Mixer you had the other night? Well, it’s actually a nutritional powerhouse! The alpha and beta-carotene found in pumpkins are potent antioxidants, which convert to vitamin A inside the body. Alpha-carotene is thought to slow the aging process. Carotenoids also boost immunity and lessen the risk of heart disease. The Omega-3 from the flaxseed helps wounds to heal faster and reduces inflammation.

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup canned pumpkin puree
  • 7 oz. Kefir or Vanilla Yogurt
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 1/4 avocado
  • 2 Tbsp ground flaxseed
  • 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice

BLEND all ingredients until smooth.

You’ve Been Happier, Chocolate Smoothie

I think you overdid it Neil.
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I think you overdid it, Neil.

Chocolate triggers serotonin, a fact I’ve based a career in pastries on. Harness its feel good powers and some healthy protein to keep you going with this crazy yummy recipe.

Ingredients

  • 1 cup regular or almond milk
  • 1 frozen banana
  • 1 tbsp cocoa powder
  • 1 – 2 tbsp almond butter
  • 1 date, pitted
  • Small pinch of Sea Salt
  • 3 ice cubes

BLEND all ingredients until smooth.

Can’t. Stop. Pooping. Oat and Banana Smoothie

We're going to need a bigger toilet!
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We're going to need a bigger toilet!

Nobody likes to have diarrhea. I personally have never had it or in fact had a poo or made a stinker of any kind. I burped once; it was adorable. Still, here’s a recipe I, uh, hear works well. I wouldn’t know. DO NOT GO IN MY BATHROOM!

What  you need here is a binder and some soothing ingredients to bring balance back to the force. The force of your colon. Oat milk is high in natural fiber and iron, and low in fat, sugars, and calories. Pectin from the apple will help ease the urge to go and the spices are anti-inflammatory.

  • 1 cup oat milk
  • 1 apple or apple juice
  • 1/2 cup kefir (plain) or vanilla yogurt
  • 1 frozen banana
  • 1/4 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp fresh ginger

BLEND all ingredients until smooth, add enough water to get the consistency that’s palatable to you.

Sure Would Like to Poop Prune Smoothie

OMG Gurlfriend, pooping is da bomb!!!
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OMG Gurlfriend, pooping is da bomb!!!

I understand that some people would prefer to go more regularly. To the bathroom that is. To poop. Everyone has a different schedule. I have a friend who goes every day at 10:20. We whisper about her in awe and ransack her candy drawer at 10:21.

By now you may be recognizing a trend. Cinnamon and Kefir. Cinnamon is an anti-inflammatory that stimulates the digestive tract while at the same time hindering gas development. Kefir is fermented milk. It’s a probiotic that restores and balances good gut bacteria. Lactose intolerant? Kefir is easier to digest. The lactic acid bacteria in fermented dairy turns lactose into lactic acid. Anywho, if you still need to go, follow this recipe!

  • 5 pitted prunes
  • 1 cup apple juice (or the whole apple if your blender can take it)
  • 1 cup ice
  • 1 cup kefir
  • 1/4 tsp cinnamon
  • pinch nutmeg

BLEND all ingredients until smooth.

Left Your Pants and Dignity at the Office Christmas Party? Hangover Smoothie

Things are about to get very weird.
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Things are about to get very weird.

There are a million hangover cures out there. This one is super simple because let’s face it, you probably still aren’t thinking straight. Too much alcohol makes you dehydrated, compromises your immune system and saps you of energy. The measurements are just a suggestion, use what you have and don’t over think it.

  • 2 cups Coconut Water — Plenty of sodium and electrolytes to rehydrate, and potassium to help those mysterious muscle strains
  •  1 cup Blueberries — Anti-oxidant rich so you don’t catch the first cold that comes along and brain boosting vitamins so you don’t sound like a moron and can come up with compelling excuses as to why there’s a ceiling fan under your desk
  • 1 Banana — Some complex carbs for energy and more potassium for rehydrating

BLEND all ingredients until smooth.

You don’t have to make poor life choices to enjoy benefits from this smoothie.

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