Maybe I’ve been living under a rock, but this past weekend, I visited the M&M’s World near where I live and was disconcerted to discover that each color of M&M has its own personality. Red is the smug, all-chocolate leader of the group. Orange is the unwillingly pretzel-filled nervous wreck. Green is the sexy, long-lashed, boot-wearin’ lady of the bunch — which, when you think back on that rumor from back in the day regarding green M&M’s and the consumer’s level of sexual arousal, suddenly seems like a very sly in-joke.
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Now we have further proof that Mars has a sense of humor. It comes from the answer that Twitter user Mic Wright received when he asked why M&M’s characters don’t mind being eaten.
https://twitter.com/brokenbottleboy/status/733637702646697984/
That’s right. It’s because they know that their candy-coated flesh is melt-in-your-mouth tasty. They exist to bring you pleasure. They submit themselves to your taste buds in an act of cannibalistic self-sacrifice.
Or, in the words of Mic Wright himself:
https://twitter.com/brokenbottleboy/status/733641532901752833
Wright’s tweet has received a lot of attention from others who are similarly baffled by the mechanics of the M&M’s Death Cult as he is.
@pronounced_ing which brings up the even more disturbing question of how they know they taste delicious…😳
— Greg Leitich Smith (@GLeitichSmith) May 20, 2016
I also want to know why the green one is supposed to be sexy when she's *peeling off her skin*
— Charlotte (@charlotterach) May 20, 2016
@mattdpearce So eating an M&M is like oral sex? Or is it more like a snuff film? (Or both?)
— (This space available) (@enargins) May 20, 2016
And there are those who question the actual truth of the response, given the commercial portrayal of M&M’s seeming terror at being eaten.
Yeah. Pull up the Halloween commercials again and tell us that.
— Canny's Hooman (@FormerlyHurogGi) May 20, 2016
@gemini6ice Wait, they DO mind it! There are multiple examples of them being scared at the idea of someone eating them!
— Your Very Tired Queer Aunt 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️✊🏻😸 (@lediva) May 20, 2016
https://twitter.com/rpxadair/status/733676579210047488
For more on Wright’s thoughts, check out the article he wrote for Medium. “Behind the colourful shells, it’s a dark world for M&Ms,” he concludes. “And you thought it was a sweet life, right?” Maybe not, Mic. Maybe not. But it certainly hasn’t stopped you from eating their poor, sweet souls.
https://twitter.com/brokenbottleboy/status/733675024591294464
Combine all of this with M&M’s bedroom games and you have the profile of a pretty odd candy.
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